[joby]

I apologize ahead of time if I've missed the threads that talk about this! I've acutally looked, too! I've found a couple of ideas, but I was wondering what others do/did.

We are adopting older children (ages 3 to 11) and when we meet , I'm at a loss as to what/where/when/how!

Our caseworker said that she likes to have the family meet the child during a lunch where she usually sits in another area of the restaurant allowing the children to spend some time with the parents and other kids. The second visit is usually an all day away from home type of thing. But, uhhhmmmm....help.....what are some other plans? We take our son to the children's museum and the park as a weekend activity on a regular basis, so I'm thinking about something like that.

What did you? What do you plan to do?

Thanks for any ideas!
Joby

[Big Dreamer]

Hi I hope that you first meeting goes well.

I think the children’s museum or a park are great ice breakers. That way you don't have such a "formal setting". It gives you guys a chance for some interaction which will naturally open up the lines of communication.

Please check with your Social Work, the children may have some favorite spots they like to visit. Oh...check and make sure that the places you want to go are in your home county. Some states don't deal well if you take children to another county even if it is only 4 blocks away. Sometimes you need something in writing a head of time. (Not trying to scare you, just don't want you in a position that could put you at risk).

Take care and I hope things work out the way you want them to.

Hugs,

Maria

[Big Dreamer]

By the way...I think a picnic in a park would be great for a 1st visit. That way the SW can watch from a distance and it isn't so formal or overwhelming especially for the 3 year old.

Hugs,
M

[dadfor2]

hi joby

id like to throw my two cents in...i personally feel on your first visit, that you should do nothing.

i am assuming the boys are in a foster home..i would do my first visit there...stay about 1 hour and thats it.

how would any of us feel to go somewhere with people that we have just met.

the kids are meeting their forever family for the first time...they will be overwhelmed enough, and by bringing them to childrens museum or picnic, just adds more stimulation.

plus, no gifts...maybe a welcome book for you and the kids to go through but thats it.

these children need to feel comfortable, and home is usually where most of us feel comfortable.

i know you want to make the first visit special..the first visit is special enough. the first visit is not about having fun and going places..its about meeting their forever family for the first time...a very scarey thing...

i could be way off, but i wouldnt do anything special at all for the first two visits...maybe on the second visit, you can go for a walk around the block with the kids...

but if there is too much stimulation, its just going to overload for the kids, as well as for you..

dadfor2

[ChrisO238]

My husband and I just had our first visit with our son last Friday. The only things we did was go to the park and then to lunch at McDonald's. The sw was there the whole time and ate lunch with us. The sw allowed for us to be alone with our son at a distance while we were at the park. It worked out great. It was only a 2 hour visit and the only thing our son took home with him was a photo album of our family.

It was a fun 2 hour visit and I'm actually glad the sw was there because she could answer some of the questions we had that our son couldn't answer.

Good luck on your first visit!

Christy

[joby]

Wow!
Thanks so much for the well thought replies.

I was thinking along the lines of dad for2. I am a bit reluctant about the idea of DOING. I would rather be meeting. Our SW has commented that she has found great success with the initial meeting being a meal. Much like a business lunch, there is a distraction from that "staring at a stranger" syndrome. Plus, it's a good conversation starter abotu likes and dislikes. Beyond that, I'm stumped!

I didn't even think about eh crossing of county lines, but I can definately see how that type of thing would have and impact on rules! I'll be sure to ask about that!

I feel a little more confident about the whole park thing now too thanks!

Can't wait to finally meet the girls!! Just can't wait!

thanks again,
Joby

[kyleashmom]

When we had our first visit with our son (9), we met him and his worker at McDonalds. We ate and he had a ton of quesitons to ask us, we also showed him pictures of our family (extended) his new brother and sisters, pictures of his room all kinds of things. Then after we ate we went to a park and he and DH played soccer and throwing a ball around. We all played on the play ground with swings and stuff. It was very nice, we left our other two kids with grandparents so that we could just meet our new son alone.

Debbie