[mom2alex]

Has anyone read this book? Just wondering if it is worth purchasing.

[icunurse]

Personally, I loved it and recommend it to anyone who is going to adopt or has adopted, especially after dealing with infertility. It is honest and witty, not stuffy. Even DH, who had to be forced to read any adoption books, read it and said it was good. One of the few adoption books that I have read numerous times.

[MNelson]

I really didn't care for the book because I didn't relate to the experiences she was having. Our relationship with our son's birthmother is quite different than that portrayed in the book. I also didn't relate to her idea of being jealous of the birthmom in the delivery room (I was singing "halelujah" I don't have to be lying on that table!) I also absolutely adored our son from the moment I saw him, something she had to grow into over the first few weeks or months. I just didn't have the same fears as she (I had my own other ones!)

I was looking for someone to relate to, rather than just reading a story, so maybe I was looking for more than it is. It's certainly written well, and it's a short read.

[katieb31323]

I liked it. I didn't always agree with the authors prespective but certainly could understand where she was coming from. It is easy to read.

Katie

[AMom2Two]

I didn't like it at all. I was horrified at some of the statements that were made in there especially the section on what we say to bmom's vs. what we are really thinking. I think it was disrespectful to bmom's and put amom's in a negative light as far as being compassionate individuals.

I give it two thumbs down. JMHO

[icunurse]

I think that was part of what I liked about the book. Throughout the adoption process, adoptive parents are constantly encouraged/told to be kind, compassionate, "think of the bmother". And, honestly, there were times I thought,"How the heck did I end up here? What about us?" There were times I thought,"What if I don't think he/she is cute?" (as a former baby nurse, I can say that I personally don't think every baby is cute). And, ironically, there was a brief moment, as my husband sat on the edge of the bed with the bmother looking down at our son that I thought,"that should be me". All areas touched upon in the book. I think most people are lying if they say that they never thought/felt some of what she wrote about....it's just that people are too afraid to verbalize it, it's "frowned upon". While I can totally appreciate people not being a big fan of the book, we found it helpful to know that we aren't the only ones feeling/thinking this way and that sometimes, as grateful as you are for adoption and bparents, you just get fed up a bit with it all. And that's okay. I don't feel it makes me look bad to have thought these things, it makes me "real", imperfections and all.

[MNelson]

I never said that I didn't have negative thoughts or fears ... I just didn't have her particular ones. I'll honor your right to find relevence in her book, please respect that I'm neither lying about my feelings or afraid to verbalize them (as evidenced by my 200 some odd posts ), I just don't happen to have the same ones that she wrote about.

[GreenThumb]

...because it's real. I may not have shared the same experiences as the author, but it made me laugh with its candor and wit. I think this process gets deadly serious sometimes and we all need to let our hair down and acknowledge that we're real people with real feelings. Ugly as they can be.

I highly recommend it and own a copy myself. It's also fun to read again after your child arrives to look back at all the uncertainty and pain and see how it can all be worked for good.

Just my 2 cents.

Ann

[icunurse]

Plareb- I apologize if my post came across to you as disrespectful. It wasn't directed toward you personally. It was a bit of an addendum to my first post.

I honestly believe that "most" people have felt "some" of what she has written. Did I identify with everything in the book? No. I also believe that the adoption process can sometimes make a person feel guilty for daring to have a "negative" thought and it is good for adoptive parents to know that they aren't bad or unworthy for feeling this way sometimes.

[MNelson]

Gotcha

[mom2alex]

Only one way to find out.....I'll purchase it and read it for myself.

Consdering I'm in the middle of a career change and plan to work in the adoption community, it would probably be an educational experience as well. Even if I don't identify with everything the author experienced, I'm sure it would benefit me to hear her thoughts and fears.

Thanks for the reviews!

[Brat]

I think I'll get a copy as well. Sounds interesting!

My absolute favorite picture is of my husband with my daughter's birthmother in the hospital, but that didn't mean that I never once wished that I had given birth to my daughter. Those feelings were brief and fleeting, but at the time I'd never admit them aloud to a friend, or in these forums for fear of being told I was not embracing that my daughter is adopted--when I absolutely do.

Honestly, ever since I met my daughter's birthmom, I did everything I could to make clear to her that until she placed the baby in our arms--meaning, signed the papers--I would not consider her my daughter. It was she who gave me the freedom to have any sort of joy in the process, asking me what color the nursery would be, etc. After a month of stuffing all my feelings down, and feeling her (in context, amazing) support, I began to think, "Where *did* I get lost in all of this?"

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't still worry about my daughter's birthmom. It doesn't matter if I hear her voice and she's fine: I worry about her almost as much as I do my daughter. But you know, honestly, sometimes I selfishly wish I only had to worry about me and my daughter, to be a "normal mom." Other times, I think about the amazing way my daughter and her birthmom came into our lives, and how fortunate we are to be connected to her birthfamily, how special it is for my daughter to have all these people so crazy about her. But in my "secret" thoughts....

I guess that as long as the book provides opportunity for us to reflect on our feelings, and to be open about them, but doesn't promote being "all about me," it should be a good read!

[Verncait]

My curiosity is peaked...I too will order a copy! Who dosen't have "secret" thoughts from time to time?

[MNelson]

...sounds like if you ever write a book, I'll be first in line to buy! Your secret thoughts do very much align with mine.

I so much want to enjoy the joys of new parenthood without all the pain I feel. Every new "first" is bittersweet, as I feel pain for his birthmom who is missing it, and pain for me that this first could be a painful memory if we lose him in the future(relinquisment won't be decided until he is six months old.) But, I digress ...

I just wanted to clarify that I definitely have secret, and sometimes not so secret , thoughts. Just not those in the book.

[Waiting for #1]

Yes I read and the book and would recommend it to any one in waiting.