[debkirk]

My Husband and I adopted our son approximately 3 years ago, he is now 10 years old. He is having trouble sleeping at night and often cries and says he misses his other mom and sisters. He comes from a background of abuse and neglect and has been in therapy since he has come to live with us. He often has times of extreme anger, fit throwing, and screaming he hates us! We have been super patient and loving and supportive. Sometimes I feel as though we don't have the tools to help him through his grief. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

[aMarylandfamily]

In situations like you described the child is often grieving what he doesn't know ... what it would have been like to have stayed with his first family. If you have started a life book, you can modify it or you can begin a new scrapbook ... with him participating (and you'll have to do the initial steps in it and let him tantrum and walk away to come back to doing it when he is ready) starting with a paragraph "* was born on, in and any information you have with the next paragraph touching lightly on his family members/info if you have any followed by a paragraph that doesn't detail things or recall the ugly "when * was 5 things for his family became rough and eventually they needed the help of special people to make sure the family was taken care of and then you went to " " and then you came to us ... making sure this all ends on a page (big type fonts help if info is limited) ... the next page starts "the new chapter in * began on " " when he came to live with us and met "family members" and a touch of info and funny things if appropriate - then note "In " ", * started school and a brief but positive note on schooling and some of the things he did those first few months ... even to the simpleness of "* ate pizza for the first time today" (adding pictures when you7 can) and then change the tone to 4 seasons - "In the spring of " ", * played ball or got an award or had a fun Christmas and so on ... building on a little book (with lots of room to add things) of the positive aspects of this child's life and from there he will have something to physically touch and hold when blue about what can't be and at the same time move on to the next page and get a gentle reminder of the good life he has now and to come.

Hope this isn't too wordy (I'm always too wordy) and that what I am trying to suggest comes through ... it does work - remember though it may take some time to get it to where you want it but let him add and subtract if necessary and make this "his story".

Keep us posted.

[debkirk]

Thanks so much for your tip. We will try it and see how it goes!