[jean17]

Has anyone here used an adotion facilitator? How do you fell about the large amount of money they need upfront? It makes me uneasy to pay $8000 to someone who isn't promising anything other than we should have no problem placing a child with you.

[heikkila]

We lost nearly over $15,000 to a facilitator in a failed adoption. If you use a facilitator, you must know that you as the adoptive parent are assuming ALL the risk - financially and emotionally.

I would NEVER use one again and I would never recommend one.

Rebecca

[LisaCA]

we are using a facilitator. Trying to remember off the top of my head, we are only asked to pay $4200- and this is until we have a completed adoption, so if we're in an adoption that falls thru, that's all we pay to them til we find another match. The other items such as pbmom expenses would be lost, but that would happen w/ or w/o a facilitator. We have been exposed to other facilitators via potential matches, and frankly we were disgusted by the amount of money they wanted! Our fac only asked for $1500 up front, the rest when we are matched and take child home.

so far we're happy and we've only heard good things about them, but our facilitator's a non-profit. They place only children of color and they're in it for the good of the child/parents/birthparents rather than the cash. we've been presented with a few possibilities but they weren't quite right for us (mostly timing, though we had to think long and hard about the set of twins that were presented to us).

and with our money we get counseling and advice for as long as they're in business, and they've been in business for many years with many satisfied customers. And they are well thought of among birthmothers, which is why we chose them.

I think it just depends, there are good facilitators and crappy facilitators, just as there are good lawyers and bad lawyers, good agencies and those that really need help:-).

LisaCA

[asturdivant]

Ok, call me dumb, but what is the difference between a facilitator and an agency?

[Support2Adopt]

Originally posted by asturdivant
Ok, call me dumb, but what is the difference between a facilitator and an agency?

An agency can do a full adoption for you. A facilitator only matches prospective adoptive parents with prospective Birthmothers. Some agencies do not have enough prospective Birthmothers, so some people like to use a facilitator along with an agency.
If you are thinking of using a facilitator might I suggest starting a thread asking people to PM you with their experiences?
JJ

[redhedded]

asturdivant, An agency is licensed by the state in which they practice; they must submit for relicensure annually, meaning that, depending on the state, The Department of Human Services, Bureau of Medicaid/Medicare or Protective and Regulatory Services reviews their case files. The "survey" or licensure process can take many days where they sample a percentage of files and examine closely all documents, review their contracts, examine financial statements, etc. Infractions can cost them their licensed status or at least place stipulations which require a follow of plan of action and follow up review to resolve all issues within 60 days. It is always a good idea to contact the state licensing department for information on an agency; such information is public. The BBB is really indicative of nothing. A licensed agency may or may not employ a legal team, depending on the size. It is common for a licensed agency to refer you to an attorney with whom they have built a rapport in order to petition for finalization.

A facilitator is a non licensed organization, usually for profit, that matches potential adoptive parents with expectant mothers for a fee, sometimes a very large and upfront one, sometimes not. The facilitator to which LisaCA refers is considered very reputable in all circles, as they began in an effort to educate families rather than create them. Many do not have the same such reputation. Facilitators may or may not employ licensed counselors or social workers. They are not licensed; however, in the state of California, they are reviewed annually, which is unlike most states.

There are many people here who have successfully adopted through a facilitator and would do it again. Most importantly, if you are considering one, request reference numbers of families. If they are unwilling to oblige, run the other way. To make matters more confusing, there are also "networkers" that for a minimal fee (of $1000-$4000) will do the leg work that many adoptive families do not have the time for. Their fees are for the connection only and often require that a certain situation may then force you to work with an agency or facilitator that may already be handling a situation. Good luck.

[asturdivant]

Thanks to all for the great explanations!

[Sarah0518]

Just an additional note about facilitators - some states do not allow them to be used. For example, I live in Virginia, and it is against VA adoption law for me to pay a fee to someone solely for matching me with a pbmom. (They consider it to be too close to "buying a baby".) Since that is the primary purpose of a facilitor, we are not allowed to use them. If we do, VA won't recognize the adoption. Always make sure your state does not have some similar restrictions before signing up.

[jsmet]

My name is Jeannette, and my husband and I used a facilitor for our open adoption.

We had to pay $6200, and she then matched us with our birthmother. We are at the end, her due date is June 22nd. At first I was wery of them. I would suggest that you call the Attorney Generals Office in the state that they are located and see if any complaints have been filed against them. Also get a copy of their license along with their application when apply for their license. I did all the research before sending them any money. Also they say that once they match you their job is finished, don't let it be. I call our facilitator all the time. I refuse to let them get out of it so easy. If we have a problem or a concern I give her a call. Don't back down, make them earn their money.

Good luck,
Jeannette

[jean17]

Thanks everyone for your input. I am so unsure about using one. I am going to follow my gut on this. I think for now we will stick to an agency. Good luck to everyone!!!!

[runner44t]

My husband used a facilitor. We are out $18,000.00 and we have broken hearts. No baby. We will use adoptcop.com and get them

[Candace]

Last summer, my husband and I paid an adoption facilitation service in Indiana $6,000 in upfront fees. They really preyed on our emotions. They told us we'd be matched before we knew it, we'd be there to cut the cord, etc. etc. and that no family had ever waited over a year. Well, it's been almost a year. We have sent them over 30 profiles since last summer, and were matched up once for an adoption that fell through almost immediately-but not before we'd paid some expenses and attorney fees (which of course we lost all of). When we complained about the poor service we have received so far, those sweet, kindly "adoption coordinators" at the facilitation service became very hostile. We are now in contact with the Attorney General offices of two states, trying to shut the place down before they take more families for money. And now we are really short of money, and have had to beg and borrow funds from everyone to try to adopt a child, just because we fell for some lines last year.

Please, please stay away from facilitators.

[HopefulIPs]

Hi all,

We are currently using a facilitator out of cali (we live in RI), and they are affiliated with/ work with our agency based out of ri/mass. our agency told us they are "ethical" and i talked with them a number of times before we officially sent in our large sum of money up front, which of course made me feel uncomfortable. but the woman there was very honest with us about situations, she has never sugar coated anything, and she ALWAYS returns my calls, which is a comfort in itself.

we just submitted our official copies of our 40 profiles to them today, after she helped us out a LOT with re-doing it, as she KNOWS birthmothers and knows what they like/don't like, so that was very helpful.

So far our experience has been great, and only time will tell, but i will keep you all posted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The only thing i can say, is go with your gut instincts!

Andrea

[amom4life]

We worked with a facilitator and were very happy with them. I think that just as with agencies there are good and bad, but all facilitators shouldn't be judged by a bad experience with one. People have had bad experiences with agencies as well.
Judy

[MollyinSD]

we used a facilitator out here in CA and were VERY pleased. We researched and asked around went to one of her support group meetings and saw couples with babies. Everything seemed on the up and up...4 months and we were matched and have had Ethan home for 4 months. (We did have one birthmother change her mind, but would never blame the facilitator - she was concerned at the time)

Molly