[lastinglove]

Hello

I need to vent a little about what my grandmother told me recently. I was telling my grandmother a story about when I went to Babies R Us to pick up a few things for our new baby and I mentioned that I had parked in the expectant mother's parking. I told her that it made me feel really excited about the adoption process. Well, she began to tell me that I was selfish and inconsiderate for parking there when I am not pregnant. I tried to explain to her that adoptive parents can park there also you don't have to be pregnant to park there. She continued to tell me that I don't no how it feels to be pregnant and that I shouldn't park there. Immediately I began to get very upset and bothered by her comments. Why is it that waiting adoptive parents can't have some as the same privaleges as pregnant women. It bothers me when people make insensitive comments. Although I have come a long way from how I was when I first found out that I couldn't have children, It still bothers me a little when comments like that are said. I have decided not to share with my grandmother any other information about this adoption. Please help me!!

Continue to pray for me as I continue to pray for you.

[Missy M]

Lasting posted:I went to Babies R Us to pick up a few things for our new baby and I mentioned that I had parked in the expectant mother's parking. I told her that it made me feel really excited about the adoption process. Well, she began to tell me that I was selfish and inconsiderate for parking there when I am not pregnant.
First of all welcome to the forum and congrats on your impending arrival. I posted to say I understand your desire to experience "Mommy-hood" from all angles and I feel you have a right to do so, but within reason. The reserved parking spaces aren't there to celebrate the joys of Motherhood they are there to make things just a little easier for Moms-to-be with swollen ankles, aching backs, heartburn etc...It can be very tiring and uncomfortable walking across a crowded parking lot while carrying 20-25 extra pounds, added to that the return trip out of the store with shopping bags and UGH... Look at it this way; in time I will be a Senior Citizen; Walgreens offers a discount to those age 55 and over and while I will (hopefully) be there in due time, I am not there now and as such I am not entitled to use the discount and to acquire special favors that I haven't earned, don't actually need or qualified for might appear to some to be well...dishonest.
While it no doubt made you feel excitement IMO it would be better if you enjoyed the expectant moments and experiences that you are without a doubt entitled to such as the baby showers, the room preparation, the baby shopping spree's, newborn CPR classes etc. Also perhaps by using the space you prevented someone who actually had a need for it from doing so.
I think that you are gonna bless your family so much by becoming a Mother and perhaps you might reconsider shutting out other family members at this wonderful time. Best Wishes...MissyM

[LisaCA]

I'm torn on this question. Yes, there are physical problems with pregnancy, but adoption is treated as second class, so I understand the desire to park there. and if I'm not mistaken, it's not like handicapped parking where they can ticket you- it's the ideology of the store/mall.

I have to say that one of our malls has a few Family Parking spaces. These I park in intentionally since It is beyond the pale to seek to define a family by a baby carriage.

anyway, I'm torn. If it makes you feel better by parking there, then I say go ahead!

LisaCA

[Brat]

I've never been pregnant. So, I'm biased.

When I see those spaces, honestly, they get on my nerves. Every time see one I think, "Oh, pulllllllease." I think it's a cutesy thing cooked up by retailers to manipulate pregnant women into spending their dollars at their mall. Goodness knows that when you are expecting, either through adoption or through pregnancy, your emotions are high as you think of the wee one, and you're more open to buying items that are beyond your means. My daughter has a closetful of clothes she can wear about a minute as a result.

Having gone through infertility, and knowing how much those spaces pain my infertile friends, if I ever got pregnant--which continues to be a possibility for me--I would simply not park my car there out of sheer protest and empathy.

I agree, however, that they were not for me when I was expecting my daughter through adoption. I wouldn't park there in any case. If it actually does help a pregnant woman here and there, that's great. Missy, I will also leave it open for you, my dear friend.

As for your grandmother, she doesn't know she's hurting you. Most people who have not gone through adoption after infertility do not, and it's not their fault. I would continue to share with her, not shut her out. When you hold back your excitement, you do more damage to yourself than to her--and you don't give her a chance to understand. It sounds like it hurts you so much because you love her so much. Let her share your joy! And when it is the right time, let her know how much what she said hurt, and why to help your relationship to grow before your child arrives.

Lisa in CA, I haven't heard of those Family Spaces. We won't be parking there either. I remember how much it stung every single time my husband and I were excluded from something because we were not considered a "family." I won't be a part of imprinting that feeling on someone else.

[wanttobeparents]

I used to use the "pink expectant parent" parking when I was going through infertility treatments and hurt so bad I could hardly walk. I figured I was technically pregnant at the time with embryos transferred and if they were going to test me, I would come up positive from the HCG shots.

But lets face it, the stores put them there for pregnant women to be able to get in and out faster with the aches and pains of pregnancy, not for able-bodied women to use for convenience. No, they aren't legally enforcable as are handicap spaces. But what you were looking for from your family was a validation that you are about to become a mommy. And the comments from your grandmother hurt you. You want her to be on your side in this, and instead she told you that you will never know what it's like to be pregnant.

Instead of not sharing anything with her, perhaps you could be more selective in what you do share. When you have the baby in your arms, she will be thrilled. Your excitement at parking in an expectant parent space could only be shared by someone that had been through the pain of watching those spaces for years without "qualifying" to park there.

Peggy

[Brat]

Well said, Peggy.

[Just Julie]

Let's face it folks, the intent of those parking places, whether marked for handicapped, senior citizens, family, or expectant mothers, is to ease any burden associated with the patron's physical condition. That may be a broken foot, severe asthma, numerous children to supervise, or a swollen belly and swollen ankles. I am all for these places for those whose ability to walk and carry parcels is compromised for those kinds of reasons. However, if I live to be in my 90's and am still able-bodied, I will park wherever I find a regular place and be thankful.

[FL_GirlByProxy]

Hi everyone,

I am also torn about this subject. Everyone's comments here have validity, which make this so tough to figure out. I think that there will be different opinions, and that is life. However, I do hate to see anyone feel like they're being put 2nd because of these marketing ploys.

I need to deviate from the primary subject matter for a second. Why, if we have handicapped spaces, expectant mom spaces, and mom's with babies/toddler spaces, do we not have spaces for elderly only parking?

On countless occassions, I have seen elderly folks, who are not handicapped, yet they are extremely feeble, making their way accross the parking lot with their groceries. I am emailing my local supermarket website with this question / request.

To the primary poster, I hope that your happy day comes to you very soon. You are in my prayers.
Peace,
LeeAnn

[manon]

I'm with Brat on this; I think their intent may ostensibly to provide "temporarily pregnantly handicapped" parking but in reality, it's just a marketing ploy to get you thinking baby, baby, baby, I'm gonna buy everything I need for the baby, baby, baby!

It's kind of amazing to me how worked up people get about other people using spaces they think should only be used by people with visible disabilities. It's sort of like somebody turned a switch in humankind one year and now "handicapped" spaces are holy sanctified spots and people think you should be struck dead by lightning if you use one without an official handicapped plate. My sister has had such terrible knee and foot problems that her orthopedist wrote the letter for her to get handicapped plates, but you should see people staring at her looking for her limp on her way into the store.

While I'm ranting on this particular topic, what about situations where there is a line of 50 women waiting to use 3 toilets in a public restroom, where one of the toilets is marked "handicapped" and there is not a single person in a wheelchair in line for the bathroom? Now, I'm sure that if you are in a wheelchair it would take you longer to get everything taken care of and it would be nice if it were instantly available to you the instant you arrived, but for goodness' sake, if nobody's using it at all?

I think if it makes you feel better to use the expectant mother space, use it. I don't think you're putting anybody out all that much. And heck, I know I've never been and never will be pregnant, but, please, you can't tell me it's harder to get out of the car and into the store & back with packages while you are pregnant than it is when you have a screaming toddler who wants to run out into traffic! Give me a break.

I understand your feeling, lastinglove, about being disappointed and hurt at your grandmother's reaction. I think she probably doesn't realize how much it hurts not to be able to have kids biologically, and how much it hurts to be treated as if you aren't really an expectant mother at this point. You are! But I also agree with Brat about her suggestion that you try to let her in on sharing some of the other exciting things about the adoption, and maybe you should tell her or write her a letter to tell her that this hurt your feelings, and you're way more aware than ANYBODY is that you are not physically pregnant.

Best wishes to you. Guess I'm feeling, um, feisty tonight.

[3+TWINS+1MORE=6]

HI, I know where you are coming from from both view points. I am a bio mommie to twins (was triplets until I was 12 weeks and then our little girl angel past away). I had many complications that made it hard for me to walk a long distance. So , I understand why they may have these. Now for the other view. I was shopping at the mall with my 14 year old daughter last week and we saw one. I said "we should have parked there, afterall "I" am due in July ( our birthmom is due in July). I don't really know what trimester warrants parking there and having been there and done that 3 times I would appreciate a closer spot. I do also see that by parking there means that you are excited to see that sign that you are going to be a MOM. No matter where your child comes from you are always a MOM. I think adopted parents sometimes "miss out" on alot of the goodies that come from being a bio parent. You do what you feel is right for you and don't let others judge you. You are expecting, just not pregnant. So maybe they need to change the wording to "pregnant parking" instead of "expecting parking". Best of luck to you and Congrats on your new addition!

[mj77]

When I was first reading this thread, I was going to tell lastinglove that I understand how people's comments comments about parenting can hurt more when you are adopting. I also agree that those parking spaces were intended for pregnant women to make their shopping experience a little easier on them. I still agree with this however, Manon pointed out some excellent points. I appreciate the comment about shopping with a toddler who wants to run out into the street. I feel, if it was truly nessesary, I probably would use that space if it were available. Also the comment about the handicap stalls in the bathroom. I have a toddler and an infant (double stroller) I certainly wouldn't leave either one of them outside of the stall without me! Thier safety is more important. I think you need to do what you have to do.

[Lissa]

Lasting Love,

Where my opinion falls on the matter of parking doesn't really matter. What your grandmother's opinion was/is doesn't matter either. Here's what matters. You are going to be a mommy. I think that's awesome. Congratulations and God bless. I know she hurt you, but try to forgive your Grandma for expressing her opinion rather than celebrating your joy. Sometimes people don't know how to listen to what you are saying, so they fixate on what they hear. Don't ever let anyone's inability to listen allow you to rob yourself of your joy. Please don't rob yourself of sharing that joy with people you care about. You do yourself an injustice. Even though they may not be able to understand your music...dance with all your heart. Eventually they'll catch on and dance with you whether they understand or not.

[jhtcct]

I guess I can see both sides also. I would never want someone to feel like they are "missing" out on something just because they are adopting instead of conceiving. If it adds to your excitement, then I say, go ahead and park in those spots. I have been pregnant five times (four children) and have never parked in one of those spaces. I was just so thankful that I didn't have any of the serious complications that others have during pregnancy and the walking was good exercise. It was not one of those things that I felt I "needed" to add to my excitement.

As far as the handicapped bathroom stalls, I use them regularly unless there is a handicapped person needing it. When I had three kids under three years old a couple of months ago, I considered myself handicapped (in a good way) from zipping in one of those other stalls and using them. We didn't all fit in those little stalls

[echaos]

Our local malls have marked the spots for Expectant Mothers / Parents with small children. This is to help out the folks with the swollen ankles and bad backs and the folks with screaming/running toddlers. It seems to be a happy medium meant to make life just a little bit easier for everyone.

[redhedded]

I must say that I agree with Missy. I would have never considered for a moment parking in a space for pregnant women while awaiting my adopted child; I am also pretty certain that unless I had complications from a pregnancy, my choice would be the same. However, the grocery stores by our home reserve many spaces (more than 20) for "Parents with Children," which seems much more clear and is entirely about convenience, as it is a giant place. I am sorry that this comment from your grandmother hurt your feelings.

A different perspective. My mother whose body has been ravaged by rheumatoid arthritis for almost 35 years has a disabled parking placard; she has been extremely fortunate and still ambulates without assistance. Most days when she is able to move her knees and bear weight on her swollen many times operated on and fused feet, she opts for the short walk in regular parking. She says those spaces are needed for those driving vans with a side exit. She amazes me.