[Awaiting]

Ok, make a long story short and get to my question here.
Live in Wa. Already approved to adopt and all that jazz. Asked for birth to 7, male female.....many disablities.
Anywhoo....When you got that call that you were matched, what did you do? What did you ask? What happened next? How many visits did you have before the child came home to you? WHat happened when they came home? I just can't seem to calm these questions in my head and it is driving me crazy. What was your first visit like?
We are going for ONLY legally free children here also.
Agh....any advice and what nots?
Thanks
Brandy

[katieb31323]

Hi

The only thing you can for sure count on at this point is NOTHING is for sure!!! Every situation is unique, just like the people involved ! This period of waiting is definately one of the challenging times. At least when you are working on your homestudy you have "stuff" to do, some of which you can control and that is nice as there is so little adoptive parents do have control of during the process.

I know many people have kept journals during the waiting time, sometimes it helps to have a place to "put" your feelings. Others have concentrated on home projects and read books to help further educated themselves about the adoption experience.

good luck to you during this waiting time
Katie

[MyGrlnme]

Awaiting.... to answer your questions....

Anywhoo....When you got that call that you were matched, what did you do? I cried ! (joyful cry of course!!!)
What did you ask? Because I waited three long years, I said.. are you sure???? This is for real right?
What happened next? I sat at my desk at work ( I got the call at work) and thought... wow.. I am going to be a mom in less than 24 hours !!! I called the owner of my company, said see you in a few months ! Went home, called family and friends who came over to help me get things together and make arrangements and to be the calm ones.. because I sure wasn't !!! lol

How many visits did you have before the child came home to you?
None ! I got the call at 2:30pm, and picked up my daughter the next morning at 11am thousands of miles away !!!

WHat happened when they came home? I was exhausted, from staying out of state for over a month! But everyone I Knew came over to see her! It was wonderful... and while gone, my family came over and set up my house !

I just can't seem to calm these questions in my head and it is driving me crazy. What was your first visit like?

There are a million questions that will go thru your head. And as Katie said, no 2 situations are going to be the same. Go with your heart. Are you adopting thru an agency or state? As I said, I waited three years, got the call, didn't even have a diaper, and off I went on a plane to get my wonderful little girl. You do the best you can. If you are matched ahead of time, and get to have visits, be yourself. Express your heart and I'm sure you will do fine ! Good luck

[Peggy]

THere is a list of questions floating around on the Special Needs board. Every situation is different. Ask to speak to the current foster parents. Good Luck!

[shirleyh]

Brandy,

I know exactly how you feel. Waiting is hard and it is always on your mind. This is my story...which just took a big turn!

We were matched for a little girl that was 8 in another county (going thru state). Finally had the adoption staffing, but was not picked. No matter how much I prepared myself, I was still heartbroken. But knew that was not God's plan. We continued getting info on other children, but just seemed like there wasn't a fit. After about 3 months, I decided I would send a copy of our home study and our family book to all the surrounding counties, to introduce ourselves, and in hopes of a response. It wasn't a week, and I had received an email from an adoption specialists from one of the counties I had mailed our info to asking if we would be interested in this girl aged 9. My husband I hadn't really discussed the possibility of a biracial child, but found that both of us was open to it. 1 week later we were notified of the adoption staffing. We were invited to come and be interviewed by the panel (which was different from our first experience). There were 2 other families being considered. Within 4 hours we found out that we were picked and was waiting at a Taco Bell to meet her. She was already in transition and had been prepared for adoption. She came and spent that very weekend with us, and it went great! She was moved in by the next weekend. This time it was very different. She and my son faught constantly about everything!!! My husband and I didn't feel it was going to work. I spoke to an experienced fostermother who told me to hang in there for at least a month and see then before giving up. Everytime someone asked us how it was going, I hated that I couldn't say it was going great! Several friends told me that they would pray for us, and to hang in there. We did. THANK THE LORD OUR PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED!! She and my son have been doing soooo much better these last few days, and seems to get better everyday. I kept telling myself, 'If this is God's will that she stay, and we are to adopt her, things will get better.' And they did. I can finally enjoy what we have been waiting for. A little girl.

I hope this gives you an idea of how some of the placements go. And it is true, every case is different. It will always depend on the child's situation. (I just remembered a time I shared with her. She watch as I ironed her dress, as was simply amazed at how it worked). Like the others have said. Be yourself. There is enough amazement and excitement in that than anyone can know.
Good Luck Brandy!

[saleschick]

Brandy

I know how you feel. My husband an I were approved to adopt on 1/12/04 in NJ. Now we wait. Every morning I wake up and wonder if a call will come and what will I do when it does. We agreed to take a young sibling group up to 3 children.

I ask questions in my mind all the time. How will I handle this, a job and marriage? what if we get kids and they hate me? Can I really be a "mommy"? Its a nerve wrecking time, not to mention I have no idea what to do . I can't buy anything because we could get 1 child or 3 - it could be an infant or 3 toddlers -school age children. So I just dream - oh and work on a scrap book of our family to explain who everyone is in kiddy language.

Most days I think it will never happen. It's comforting at least to know that I am not in panic mode alone. It seems normal ( althoughmy hubby Mr Calm doesn't think it is )

Keep us all posted!-


Kelly

[Awaiting]

Thanks for the responses. My Dh....Mr. Calm also...is annoying. How he can just sit back and be cool just nerves me. My mom is always calling me, "have you gotten the call yet'?" I have to reassure her after DH hears she will be the next in line.
It is funny how we think we are alone in this process. Yet I look around at my sons school children and wonder how many of them are adoptable. Sounds terrible...but I wonder.
I feel the same about the shopping though. I can't buy anything. No clothes, blankets or even paint the room yet. I have no idea what age or sex we are going to get. So the money I think I would have spent, I put into a savings account for when the time does come, I will be prepared.
Oh the wait. I hate the wait, but jump at the result.
Thanks again everyone. It is good to know everyone has something different to say.
Brandy

[megsmom]

My Dh....Mr. Calm also...is annoying. How he can just sit back and be cool just nerves me. My mom is always calling me, "have you gotten the call yet'?" I have to reassure her after DH hears she will be the next in line.

Brandy- I just have to say I agree with you on this! My hubby is the same way and Im at the other end of things! I feel your "pain" lol

[ohsweetg]

My DH and I started the whole thing 4 years ago. We were homestudy approved in Sept. 2002. We went up a week and a half ago to meet the sw of a 3 yr old boy. He is soooo precious. He has some behavior issues but is doing much better. We go up this Saturday to meet him. I am so excited but so very scared. In the last 2 years our worker has inquired on about 30 boys and all were either already placed or we were a second or third choice. After waiting almost 2 years we really thought it wouldnt happen. We almost gave up. We still arent out of the woods. I mean we havent met him yet although we both have a very good feeling about this. My DH has been cool as a cucumber through this whole thing as well. His philosophy is ...it will happen when it is right and we will know it. He admitted the other day he is getting excited and nervous!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
When I asked the worker how long of a transition it might be she said after our visit with him we will take our 7.5 yr old bio son up to meet him then they will meet us half the distance (he is three hours away) for a few weekend visits. I didnt realize he will come to stay the weekends with us. WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! I try not to get too excited but I cant help it. FOUR MORE DAYS!!!! FOUR MORE DAYS!!!!
Talk to you guys soon,
Gwen

[Awaiting]

Wow....so you get to meet him? Awsome. So you said you have a boi 7.5 yr old. I also have a 7 year old. So they recommended that you leave him on the first visit? Thats what makes me nervous. I mean I have no problem leaving him home with my mom, but he is gonna get so jealous that we get to meet the child and he doesn't. How do you explain that to him?
Good luck and I wish you the best. Also...what kind of behavior issues does he have if you don't mind me asking. You can PM me if youd rather.
Thanks
Brandy