[HOPEFULMOM2B]

My husband and I are looking into adopting out of the foster care system. Does anyone have any experience with this. I could use some advice, also what are some of the issues that we may have to deal with? How have the children adapted? We are looking for children from infants - 8y/o we are also willing to accept siblings.

Thanks

[mj77]

Our experience with the state adoption was very good with our first son since we went straight adoption rather then foster care. I wouldn't have done it any other way. We got him at 13 1/2 mo. and he is beautiful and healthy and smart. He is one of the greatest blessings in our lives.

We are now doing a foster-to-hopefully-adopt. Our little boy was placed with us with the hope to keep him in our home should relatives not be a resourse. He was placed at 5 1/2 mo. and it looked pretty good in the begining that he would stay. Now another relative came forward and we are playing the waiting game with paternity tests. The rollercoater ride is much more intense than it was with our first son who was a straight adoption. We are so affraid of loosing our little boy. I don't know that I would ever do this again (the foster to adopt rout). Our hope was in agreeing to this we would get an infant. There are infants through strainght adoption though too.

Do you have any specific concerns about adopting through the state?

[riley6]

It can be a LONG and grueling journey. We fostered for three years and had 11 children come and go before being placed with our four. We waited 1 1/2 yrs before the two younger ones became free for adoption. It was nerve-wracking!

I would do it again in a heart beat to get the kids I have now.

[forevermom]

We adopted our daughter from foster care. We have had her for 4 months now. She was 9 mos old when we got her. Our daughter adapted very well, most likely because she was so young when we got her.

We had a really good experience adopting through the foster care system, and plan on doing it again after our daughters adoption is finalized.

[HOPEFULMOM2B]

I really appreciate all of your replies. Those of you that have adopted out of foster care, did you do striaght adoption or did you foster to adopt? Also have any of you done this in pa.

Could you also give me some advice on what to look for in an agency and what questions I sould ask?

One more question... have any of you heard of swan adoptions.

Thank you so much.
I am begining to feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

[Linny]

I have written our story in many places on this forum. We have adopted seven times. Three of those times were with the state foster care system. While our sib group of two boys has gone basically well; the first son we adopted was sorely misrepresented to us (age 7yrs)...and now lives---and will continue to live in a residential home until he turns 18. He lived with us for four years, before we were able to have him committed into a residential facility due to his very dangerous and unpredictable behaviors.
I would stress that most children---even younger ones---over one year---often have issues to deal with. I know there are some who will swear their experience taught them differently, but please take the time to educate yourselves beyond the classes the states offer. I am enclosing a list of questions to ask a caseworker; and I have been told the list is very helpful. I hope it will help you too.
Because of our awful experiences with the state foster system----we went back to private infant adoption. (I thought I was especially ready for special needs, as I had taught special needs children...and majored in psychology. This was not the case.)
Good luck in your venture.

Sincerely,

Linny

THE LIST

Questions for parents considering the placement of a special needs child.

1. # of placements child has had; how long they lasted, why they disrupted. (Ususally
folks are uneasy to disclose the 'why'....but I'd really try to find out!)
2. Permission (and I've done this w/o permission too) to contact past foster parents. (This
info can prove to be INVALUABLE...and most foster parents will gladly provide info as
to the 'why')
3. "Why" didn't past foster parents adopt this child?
4. At what age was the child 'removed from the home'..what type of pre-natal care
(especially drug use, etc), what's the situation with any sibs (adoption, prenatal drug use,
residential care, etc.?)
5. What kind of medication is the child on NOW....and what types has the child been on
previously? (Also, what types of diagnoses has this child been given in the past, by what
type of professional (psychiatrist,psychologist, or your 'mental health counselor' who
suspects something?)
6. What prompted termination? Did either parent voluntarily surrender and 'why'? Try to
get the psychologicals on the birthparents. (In some places, this is a 'no-no'...but we've
been given these before w/o asking. Many psychological traits have a genetic
pre-disposition.)
7. Where are the biologicals now? Are there relatives in the area near you, and any chance
they'll be a problem?
8. What kinds of hospitalization (especially ER) has this child had? tests, etc. If so, you'd
like the paperwork!
9. What's this child been told about adoption? Does this child lament for his/her
biologicals?
10. What type of relationship did this child have with birthparents? ie, was this child
forced into being the 'parent' because parents were unable to be just that? Did this child
have to take care of younger, older sibs?
11. How does this child perceive him/herself? Is she self-centered? Does she share well?
(And I don't care how old the child is....this may still be a problem.)
12. Has or has this child EVER had a diagnoses of RAD (reactive attachment
disorder)...or ANY type of attachment disorder? How has 'the system' helped this child
deal with this? (Holdings, play therapy, etc.)
13. How long has this child been in therapy, and what types have been used?
14. Does this child act out sexually? If not now, EVER? And IF ever, how and how long
since the last time?
And...one of the most IMPORTANT questions we think you should ask YOURSELF:
"If this child were to get NO better after being in our home, could we handle his/her
behaviors 'just as they are, NOW'......as if there would be NO improvement, etc.
I think this is important, as classes continually say that 'this child just needs some love
and attention and permanancy, and you'll see how much improvement this child will
make!!!" This DOESN'T ALWAYS happen, and is a point to consider when taking on
special needs children.

[angelical]

Originally posted by HOPEFULMOM2B

One more question... have any of you heard of swan adoptions.

Are you from Pennsylvania? That is the foster/adoption program in PA: State-Wide Adoption Network.

We are currently waiting in the process for an adoption. We did our homestudy through a SWAN-approved private adoption agency, and now that worker is helping us try to get matched.

You can try for a match in any state, but depending on the state, the costs may or may not be as low as if you adopted a PA child.

Good luck!

[HOPEFULMOM2B]

YES I AM IN PA. I JUST RECEIVED MY SWAN PACKET AND I AM MAKING CALLS AS WE SPEAK. IF THERE IS A WAY FOR YOU TO PM ME I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW WHAT AGENCY YOU DECIDED TO GO WITH AND WHAT YOU THINK OF THEM.

THANKS
KELLY