[spaypets]

We read a lot of threads about the dumb things people say when they find out we're adopting or that our kids are adopted. In my attempt to brighten up yet another dreary day here, I thought it would be fun to talk about the nicest things people have said...

I'll start. When I announced to my office that we were adopting from India, one of my co-workers was so excited she went home and told her four-year-old daughter. She explained that we were going to get a little girl who didn't have parents to take care of her. When her daughter asked why a child wouldn't have parents to take care of her, my cw said that sometimes parents were too young, or too sick or too poor to take care of a baby and so they found other parents for the child. Her daughter then asked, "Why didn't you do that?" and my cw replied, "Because I didn't have any of those situations." I was so touched that she "got it" and had instinctively used positive language to explain about adoption. This same CW, when our adoption seemed to be stalled and I said "I don't know if she'll ever come home," said, with absolute certainity "She WILL come home." I really needed to hear someone with faith as we were losing ours.

The latest comment that has me smiling was from a waitress at Denny's (DH takes DD there for French toast after swimming class). She stopped dead in her tracks, looked at DD and said, "Oh my g-d, she's so (expletive beginning with f deleted) beautiful." Hey, you take the compliments you're given!

[michelec]

This is more about me than anyone else, but I'll brag a little and tell it anyway. When my AD was about a year old (she came home at 2 days old) a friend of mine got teary eyed and said that she wished she could write a letter to my daughter's ** and tell her what a great choice she made when she chose us to parent her child!! That was the best compliment ever!!

[Shoshana]

I only remember two idiot comments, one from my rabbi ('you wouldn't want to raise a special needs child unless he/she was your own), and one from a walmart customer (are you the grandmother). The only person who asked why her mother 'didn't want her' was 10 years old and quickly understood the language correction and explanation.

Everyone else has been overwhelmingly kind and supportive. My 12-yr-old niece who is blond and blue-eyed wanted me to adopt from a country where there were 'dark skinned' people because that fits her idea of beauty. Everywhere we go, people stop and just smile and talk to Xiomara and say how incredibly beautiful she is. No one has asked me about my 'husband' in an attempt to understand why she's darker than me. Honestly, I don't think the beautiful comments are at all gratuitous, they're truly genuine. Let's hope the support and positive comments continue throughout her life. My community has a limited number of minorities, tho' I'm within an easy drive of Milwaukee which does have a large Latino population.

[Opus]

Once, at the supermarket, after my daughter threw herself on the floor in a tantrum because she saw popsicles in the frozen foods section and wanted one immediately, this woman stopped me and said, "She's gorgeous". Yep, she is. Go figure.

[Opus]

I forgot, moral of the story? Never, ever bring a toddler through the frozen foods section.

[Miss Kristen]

"I love to see how much parents love their kids"

I was stiiting in the middle of a mall/park playing with my daughter in the shade on a blanket when this woman walked over to tell me that.

[Xanny]

This is a great thread!

Just this morning, a co-worker said that she already thinks of me as a mom, and she can't wait to meet the baby. That was pretty cool.



Xanny

[echaos]

Both my partner and I worked at the same place, so everyone (500+ people, Hilary was the receptionist! ) seemed to know what was going on!!

We had several staff members who are very open about their religious beliefs and had made questionable comments about gays and lesbians before. Just after Liam came home and I was back to work, one lady came up to me in the lunch room full of questions about the baby, how Hilary was adjusting to being a SAHM etc.. And she concluded by saying " That little boy is so lucky to have 2 such wonderful Mommies! Congratulations!"

That comment made my day!! She still makes a point when she sees me to ask about Liam and Hilary!

[manon]

My friends' kids have said the sweetest things.

I met one friend's 2-yr-old girl at a work-related baseball game last year between my 1st trip to Russia & my 2nd trip to Russia to adopt my own 2-yr-old girl. I told her I would be getting a little girl her age of my own soon. Her mom emailed me the next day to let me know that after the ball game, her daughter had asked why my little girl wasn't at the baseball game, and could my little girl come to the next one?

Another friend adopted an 8-yr-old girl from Russia 5 years ago. Their experience was part of why I decided to adopt from Russia, and I've included them in a lot of the adoption details, preparations, etc. I showed my friend & her now-13-yr-old daughter the video of me meeting my little girl for the first time. In the video, at one point my little girl was getting sleepy & tired & started crying, and I bent over and hugged her and held her. My friend's daughter turned to her mom and said "I wish you could have adopted me when I was that little so you could cover me too."

My elderly aunt had been surprised when I told her I was going to adopt (I became a 1st-time parent at the age of 47, as a single mom). She said she just had no idea that I wanted to become a parent. Later she said she had been thinking about it and that she could see that of course, I'd want to have my own little girl too. She sent me a card that said "I had a dream, and you came true."

I have been genuinely astouded at how many people have told me that they themselves were adopted, or a brother or sister was adopted, or that they adopted their children, etc. I had no idea so many people were adopted; I guess it's the kind of thing that doesn't come up in casual conversation with grownups normally.

When I took my 2 spoiled indoor cats to the vet for a checkup & shots between the 1st & 2nd trip to Russia, and told her I was adopting, she said her son was adopted also. I told her she was the only person I knew who could appreciate how hard it was for me to do this to my cats! They have been so used to having all my attention. She said I could just tell them that we've had our time alone together, and that God has a different plan for us now. Then she told me that the Talmud says that a mother is like a mountain stream, nourishing the trees on the mountain from their roots, but a woman who mothers another's child is like a cloud gathering moisture to travel a great distance to nourish a lone tree in the desert. We both cried.

[michelec]

I absolutely love that quote!! I will share it with other adoptive mothers!!

[mom2alex]

One evening while having a heart to heart with my seven year old niece, I asked her if she wanted to be a mommy when she grew up and how many kids she thought she might want to have. She responded by saying, "One. Adopted. Just like Allie, 'cuz she's perfect". Made my heart melt not only that she loved and accepted Alex and thought she was perfect, but that she also saw adoption as a beautiful way to create a family.

Why can't everyone have the wisdom and understanding of a seven year old child!

[momtutu]

The best thing ever said to me about adoption came from a complete stranger. I was at the movie theater with my family including my neice and nephews, when a women walked up to me and said, "I have been watching you and you have the most beautiful family". then she walked away. I found this incredible because she was speaking about my African American husband, my two Haitian American adopted daughters, my blonde haired blue eyed neice and nephew (myself included), my beautiful nephew with down syndrom, and my tiny premature baby who was at that time on oxygen, an apnea monitor, and a feeding tube. Isn't life grand!

[mj77]

The best comments I've recieved are the one's telling me that I am a good mother. They feel esspecially good coming from my parents.

[Jensboys]

This is 5 years ago now when our boys were first placed with us and we were going through that very difficult transition time of meeting them and transferring them from their foster parents to us. Its was an incredibly difficult and traumatic time for teh boys and very emotionally hard for us. Add to that that we are caucasion, our boys are aa and we were in an ALL white area of missouri. We went out to dinner at a restaurant where we were the only non-white family and the waitress, a very young girl simply smiled at us and said, "Well are your mommy and daddy ordering for you tonight or do you boys know what you want" The fact she just KNEW we were a family filled my heart with so much joy and she has no idea how much that simple comment gave me affirmation as their mom and the strength to keep going. I almost cried then and there!

Several months later we returned to Missouri to finalize and we were in a predominately aa area. An aa woman came OUT OF HER STORE for no reason other than to wish me a happy mother's day. This was several days after mother's day and I know she was simply doing it to affirm me.

Out of the mouths of children ... we have good friends who have a 13 year old son who when he was told the boys were adopted (as it turns out so was he but we didnt know) was SHOCKED. Totally flabbergasted ... he had never noticed or questioned the fact that our two aa boys had two cc parents and two more cc brothers.

[cathy102]

My favorite comments are from my parents and my MIL telling me and hubby how we are great parents... That makes me feel great!! There are so many more but this one is my favorite...

Cathy..

PS...People are always stopping me to tell me I have 2 gorgeous kids...