[amom4life]

Hi Everyone,
I've posted to both Virginia threads on the forum and it seems they aren't used all that much so I haven't gotten any replies so thought I'd ask here.

I would like to know the adoption laws for the state of Virginia (SouthWest), and if anyone knows any good agencies in that area? Please PM me with any agency info.

Also I read an older post by someone on the Virginia threads who said that she would not adopt in Virginia, but said she would not share her reasons on the forum so to PM her. I did but with no response. Does anyone else know why she may feel this way?
Thank you!!
Judy

[BrandyHagz]

Judy,

Did you check out the Virginia Page @ Adoption.com ?

There is some info on the legals on the right side, closer to the bottom.

Hope that helps you out some

[amom4life]

Thanks Brandy I'll check that out!
Judy

[MkMw]

Hi Judy -

I'm in Virginia - but SouthEast, we work with a great agency in Richmond - I'll PM you the website - they may not be able to help, but may be able to refer you. I'm not sure if you are who I think you are - I'm not here often enough, but don't you want an open adoption? Our agency ONLY does open adoptions so they may be a good resource.

As far as why people don't want to adopt in VA - my biggest gripe is that it is illegal for agencies to help pre-adoptive and pre-birth parents to "match" - we have to advertise. The alternative is usually a closed adoption where the agency takes custody of the baby at birth, then places the baby with the adoptive family.

We also have one of the longest revocation periods - last I checked anyway - 24 days after signing.

[Sarah0518]

It is very hard to adopt in VA compared to other states.

Only adoption agencies are recognized by VA. I've seen in other posts where a & bparents use adoption facilitators and adoption lawyers. Facilitated adoption matches aren't recognized and lawyers only provided legal services. (I get so sad sometimes when I see pbmoms from VA listed on the facilitators sites, especially when the the pbmom wants a "very open relationship". The facilitators have to tell me by law I can't use them, but I wonder if they tell the pbmom they can't match them with VA paparents when signing up?) So either use a private agency where you do all the networking and advertising yourself (which we chose and have had little to no luck with) or a large agency that wants $20k or more upfront just to work with you. Like MkMk said, most of those actually take custody of the baby during the 10 days and don't emphasize openness as much as I would like.

VA has been working hard to make abortions easier, but seem to place little to no emphasis on making the adoption option known about. For womens rights they want to be progressive, but for adoption they suddenly become conservative again!

As for the laws concerning relinquishment, the bparents cannot file paperwork with the court until the baby is a minimum 10 days old. Once it hits the docket, the bparents have another 15 days in which to change their mind. After the 15 days expire the bparents would have to prove fraud, coersion, etc to overturn. Then the normal 6 months finalization which includes follow-up (2?) visitations from the case worker.

On another note, to be so concerned with TPRing the bparents rights, they haven't been nearly so good about defining open adoption contracts. If they are truely so concerned about the bparents then they need to start addressing the open adoption agreement to make bparents feel safer AFTER the adoption. Many state are now putting something, even if it's vague, on their books about open adoption agreements. Last I heard VA still isn't/won't address this issue.

Ok, guess I've had my vent now. Sorry so long. You've caught me on one of my "Is it ever going to happen?" phases. We all have them at some point during our wait.

[amom4life]

Thank you Sarah and Michelle! and Sara I know all to well how we can get sometimes during the wait! So vent away!

The reason I'm asking is we are looking at moving to Virginia sometime in the next couple of years and we are planning on adopting at least one more time. So we are trying to figure out if we should hold off moving a little longer and adopt in Ca. again or wait until after we move.

I haven't shared any of the info I've recieved from you all yet or the PMs with DH, but for me after hearing how the process works in Virginia I'm leaning toward sticking with Ca. for our next adoption. There are several things about the virginia plan I don't care for and I guess the biggest is that you can't have help with the facilitation of the adoption.

I knew they wouldn't go for an actual facilitator, but I thought for sure like in Ca. you could hire an attorney or agency. I just assumed the states main gripe with failitators was that they are not licensed, but I guess that's not the case since you can't work with anyone licensed or not!

It just doesn't sound like a very adoption friendly state.

Thanks again for the info!
Judy

[tobeafamily]

Judy,

Agencies and attorneys can and do help search for pbparents in Virginia, they just don't charge for doing this.

The agency we used is quite connected and gets many referrals from hospitals, SWs, school counselors, crisis lines, etc. of pbfamilies considering making an adoption plan.

Whether it's adoption-friendly or not I guess depends on your point of view. From a pbparent perspective, there is no immediate irrovacable relinquishment, rather there is a post-signature period where they can reclaim. For them, that's friendly. Paparents aren't as fond of it though as in other states were TPRs are irrovacable after signature.

Aparents like that there's only one court appearance, none needed for finalization.

Same with payment for connection services - there's no profit motive which can be both good and bad. On one hand, it keeps costs down along with a host of other problems - such as inexperienced or downright fraudulent people offering services. On the other, there's fewer people out there looking on your behalf.

Also remember laws change - by the time you get to Virginia things may very well be different. As I've told many a non-licensed individual and many paparents bemoaning lack of 'facilitator' services, if you don't like the law, lobby the state legislature to change it.

HTH,

Regina, AMom to Ryan Joshua Thomas

[Sarah0518]

Definately adopt while you are still in CA. We've been limiting ourselves to mostly instate because I had my heart set on an very open adoption and thought the bparent and us living in the same state would make that more likely, but I'm seriously thinking of giving up on VA and looking for agencies in neighboring states.

Homestudy just recently expired, so I will have to make some king of decision soon. Hubby just put in an application for a different position w/in the military, won't require a move, but would mean a different base (15 min closer) so am playing a waiting game until we know if he got it in case it would mess up a new homestudy by requiring an update.

I've got my fingers crossed he'll get it. Will mean a raise in rank (pay!!!) which he's promised I can bank each month as part of our adoption fund. We probably already have enough saved, but I have an irrational fear of "what if we don't". And then there is the fact I would like to adopt again soon after the first.... My brother was 15 mos younger than me and we always had such a close relationship. I want that desperately for my kids! If the fund gets too wiped out on the first, that might not be possible. All my husband keeps saying something about "counting your chickens before they are hatched".

[tobeafamily]

Gee Sarah, our experience is so different it's amazing to me. Most families that we know were connected & placed within a year and there were no huge fees. I think we're still one of the 'highest' with our total costs including travel, etc at $14K. Ours is a fully open integrated adoption.

Many were through our own networking with training from our agency though some were made directly through them.

Also, Virginia does now have a requirement that all family life education in the public schools actively teach adoption as an option in unplanned pregnancy. Our local schools now show a video made by and produced by local birth parents talking about adoption.

If you'd like to know who we worked with, please feel free to PM. I don't want to break any rules, it's just that our experience was so very different. BTW DH was also AD/USN when we adopted, now retired.

:-)

Regina

[Sarah0518]

I feel a samll part of our problem has been our agency. The ball's been dropped a few times on their part and I just didn't know to be more agressive about it. That's the exact opposite of my normal nature.

I definately will have to PM you, because most the other agencies I've talked to are $20k or more upfront, or have a long waiting list. Several have talked about it the number of matches being down lately for the last little while, which is also very discouraging.

I work at a local restaurant on Fridays (that adoption fund theory at work...) and none of the teens I work with seem to know anything about adoption so I was unaware of VA was requiring it to be taught in schools as an alternative. Of course if it is a real recent change, that could explain it. I am really glad to hear it. I know adoption is not right for all, but able to make a fully informed decision is.

Unfortunately it seems he wont be getting the job. A military physical w/in the last 5 years was a requirement and his base had been letting everyones slide really bad. The soonest they'd schedule one for him was 3 days after the application date closed. The contact person said it would be ok so long as he got one soon after, turn it in anyway. But now we get it back in the mail as unacceptable - because of the physical.

[amom4life]

Sarah~ sorry your dh didn't get the job!

Regina~ I wrote my previous post before I saw your pm. Okay I'm feeling better now that you say attorneys and agencies can help with facilitation! I take it though that because they aren't paid they probably don't go to bat for you like the ones who do get paid.

Its just not me to do the passing out cards and all that networking. Plus it makes me nervous trying to locate an Pbmom on our own with the scams that are out there.

I'm not concerned at all with the 25 day wait for the parents to sign as we have to wait 30 days here in Ca. so actually we'd have five days less to wait.

So all in all its not sounding as bad as I first thought.

Thank you so much for taking the time to give me all this great information! I appreciate it!
Judy

[tobeafamily]

Judy,

Since I've never paid anyone to help me make an adoption connection, I can't say how much more someone who was paid would 'go to bat' for us.

I will say that our agency and attorney were both very 'plugged in' to the schools, crisis centers, hospitals, physicians and others where pbparents may be 'found'. They also do as many seminars as people will have them do - to PTAs, school classes, youth groups, etc.

When we went to select agencies, one of the things we did was to ask our OB/GYN and friends at a crisis counseling center who they'd recommend - both pointed to the same agency.

Our agency taught us how to network and was also tremendously supportive of our networking efforts - every call we got we 'ran by them' to see what they thought. The agency director I swear has a 'scam meter' that can detect even the best/worst scammers. She also updated us on local known 'scammers'. Recently three families who were all contacted by one young lady actually teamed up and called the police on her thanks to their 'link' through the adoption coordinator.

One of the things I like about California is that they actually have licensing guidelines for facilitators. That would give me some reassurance that they've at least met some minimum standard before providing services.

:-)

Regina