[Wannadance]

My wife and I have been working on adopting for the last year or so. We were actually approached by our case worker with a mother prior to us finishing our homestudy. We quickly finished what we needed, however the ** changed her mind just prior to the birth. Even with her changing her mind prior to the birth we had invested a lot of money into the process. It has only been about one month since then and another ** has selected us. The circumstances of the pregnancy are very similar to the last one (ie hidden and almost due) and we are concerned that we will go through the same thing again. Emotionally I know I can deal with it, but financially we would really take another hit. We would have to wait at least 8 months before we have enough money to try again if this does not work out. I'm amazed at how much money one has to put up front, even when the case worker has only been working with the ** for about one week. But that's another issue. I don't mean to sound uncaring, because I really want the best for the baby and if that is with the ** then that's great, but we as potential adoptive parents give a lot emotionally and financially when the adoption plan falls through.Anyway, I'm curios to know if others have found that hidden pregnancies always the most risky or at least more risky?

Thanks,

Wannadance?

[katieb31323]

Hi

Both of our adoptions were hidden pregnancies. We found out about our son on the day he was born and brought him home 2 days later. We found out about our daughter when she was 2 days old and brought her home the next day. Our sons birthmother was not aware that she was pregnant and though she was having an appenditis. Our daughters birthmom had decided on adoption and didn't want to tell her family for fear they would try to change her mind and then when the chips were done she would be alone as had been the pattern in her life. So for us hidden or surprise wasn't a problem. To me the biggest determiner was birthfamily support. Our sons birthparents parents supported their decision and our daughters birthmoms Mom supported her too (sadly she was very sick and unable to support enough for her to parent).

Its unfortunate your agency requires so much up front monetarily. I always wonder what aparents are suppose to do for $$ to raise baby after they have forked over all the cash to the agency. Ugh!

Good luck
Katie

[CeraDad]

My wife and I found out about our daughters bmom less than two weeks before she was born. "A" said she was unaware she was pregnant until a couple of weeks before we met her. She never wavered on her decision to put her baby up for adoption.

I agree that it is alot financially that we have to come up with. Our agency charges fees as we go through the process so there isn't one big hit on us. However, the thing to keep in mind is that you get a tax break once you adopt, so that helps out.

[amom4life]

Hi,
Adoption is so unpredictable I've just accepted that you won't know until you've gone through the situation. Because it didn't work one time doesn't mean that a similar situation won't work out.

We turned down the first situation that was presented to us because we felt it was too risky. Then 5 mos. later we accepted a situation that was so similar that the expectant moms could have been the same person. For us we know it was God. There just is no other explanation.

I completely relate about the financial and emotional part of adopting especially when it doesn't work out and you only have so much to work with. It STINKS!

Keep us posted.
Judy

[MissPeach]

Have you considered Agencies or Attorneys who give credits when the Adoption falls through. There are a lot out there who do this. It just takes doing a lot of research to find them!