[babymakes3]

Anyone adopting internationally to Canada. I find all your topics so supportive and helpful but would be delighted to get to know someone else in my shoes in Canada, where I am. I think we may be able to compare notes better.

Thanks

[rtsmom]

Hi babymakes3,

Though we're not adopting internationally, I thought you might appreciate a hello from a fellow Canadian. We have adopted two children through our local Ministry For Children and Families - both in infancy, both with special needs. Have you decided which country you want to adopt from?

All the best in connecting with the child(ren) meant to be with you...

[babymakes3]

Thanks so much for you response. We are adopting from Sri Lanka which is our native land. Whereabouts in Canada are you? We are in the greater Toronto area. We are in the middle of our homestudy and it seems a long drawn out process, although we know it will all be worth the wait!

[mess]

rtsmom,

Are you in BC? I am looking into adopting through MCF - a sibling group possibly. Right now we are just at the learning/information gathering stage though. How was your experience? What sort of special needs do your children have?

One of the things we are looking at now is what special needs we feel we can handle, so any information about specifics would be helpful.

Mess

[rtsmom]

We are in BC. Both our sons have a rare syndrome that has very similar manifestations to Down syndrome.

For our first adoption (7 yrs ago), the homestudy process was very drawn out and stressful (inexperienced sw doing her first homestudy) and the adoption placement was a breeze. With our second adoption (2 yrs ago), the homestudy process was a breeze but the year after the placement was very stressful (looong story).

But that all quickly becomes a distant memory once you're able to embrace your child(ren) into your family.

[mess]

So how old are your children now? I have 2 boys, 7 and 9 already, but we are thinking that our family could be bigger and that we don't really see the need to make babies(personally) when there are already kids out there needing love. Does that make any sense? Right now we're just waiting for the day that both of us feel ready to send in the application. It seems that my husband and I each have our doubts on alternate days... but we both really feel that adoption is something we want to do eventually.

Thanks for your reply. Mess

[rtsmom]

Hi mess,

Our two bio kids were 9 and 11 when we adopted for the first time. Our kids are now 18, 16, 7 & 2.

Yes! It makes total sense to me that you and your husband want more kids, but don't feel the need to conceive them yourselves. We also wanted to open ourselves to another child but couldn't justify becoming pregnant when we were already open to adoption.

Our second adoption was not planned, but because our son was born with the same syndrome as our first ason and they couldn't find an adoptive match for him, they gave us a call. What a wonderful "curve ball" he was! :-)

[mess]

So how did your bio kids do with the adoption process? I guess with infant adoption it would be a similar to average sibling jealousy and being upset that the parental attention is divided.

We are looking at adopting a sibling group - or at least that is what I am trying to gather the most information about, and I am finding it hard to track down information on how older children blend, and bond, and all that good stuff. Any tips?

[rtsmom]

Our bio kids were old enough that we didn't have any sibling rivalry or jealousy issues. They both loved having a brand new little baby and all the attention that our family received around that. My husband made a point of doing lots of activities with our older kids, while I was home with the baby, so they didn't feel like their lives had been put totally on hold for their baby brother.

Because older children and sibling groups often come with complex backgrounds, I don't think you can really compare the transitions around that to an infant adoption. I've never adopted an "older child", but I would expect it's quite different.

Once your application is submitted, part of the process will be attending the "adoption classes" (sorry, not sure what they call it now). In that process, I'm sure nitty gritties around what to expect will be covered.

Just stay open and follow your gut. Get clear about your boundaries and make sure the sw's are giving you ALL the information about waiting children (unfortunately, they don't always do that).

[mess]

I understand that. It's really too bad there can't be a perfect process, but when people are involved... well, people just aren't perfect. Right?

I realize that there is no comparison. Actually my sons' classmates have just gained a new family member through adoption. The family had two bio daughters, both the same age as my sons, and they adopted a little guy who is 3. He just came home to them after easter. As you can imagine, I have made contact with the mom, and I am getting updates from them when I can about how the process is going. So far there are ups and downs, but it is basically going well. It's neat for me to see the process up close and real, instead of just reading books, checking the internet, and dreaming.

It's been nice chatting! It's always nice to talk to someone who is in the same province, as so many adoption regulations are different according to province or state.

Take care!