[NaniMO]

Good morning all. Can anyone give me information on bringing our birthmom to our state for the birth. I have never heard of this, but our out-of-state attorney suggested this. I spoke with our birthmom last night and she was open to the idea. I would like to hear from others who have done this and what all it entails.

[dianeandkaren]

It's very possible to bring your birth mother to your state, though there are rules with each state the interstate compact that your attorney will advise you on. Also, you will need to transfer her MediCaid to your state which can take about a month or so. We may bring our birthmother to CA to have baby, though it is looking unlikely for a varity of reasons. Friends of ours brought their birthmother from New Jersy and she deliverd in California. They put her up in an apartment for a month or so before the birth and flew in a couple of friends as support during the birth. It worked out great and they flew her home a few weeks after she gave birth. Good luck!!

[numbr1dbcksfan]

The only thing that would bother me about this would be that having the mother come to your state seems like that wouldnt give her room to make her final decision after the baby is born. If she decided to parent, then the guilt of having you fly her out there and put her up may weigh on her decision. Maybe it would be better for you to go there when the baby is born...

[Support2Adopt]

One thing to consider if you do this is not only should you pay for her travel expenses and financially support her for the time she is in your state, you also need to find out if she would or would not be covered for the birth of the baby at the hospital. If not you might inquire with your local hospital about how they handle adoption situations.
JJ

[NCMom]

I guess it would depend on the circumstances. She needs to be around her friends and family to support her. As an Aparent, personally, I would be uncomfortable with the appearance that I was attempting to whisk her away from her support unit. That would be construed as coercive and manipulative. It is also my belief that the birth and the time in the hospital is for the Birthmother and her family. Her final decision should not be unduly influenced by the A Parents hovering over her. She needs to say hello before she can say goodbye.

Now if she has nobody to be with except you, than I guess that would be a different story. Just don't take her away from her family, friends and familiar surroundings as a matter of your personal convenience. She matters too.

Laura
Houston Texas

[79nic]

Hi Nanimo,

I'm guessing your lawyer suggested this b/c it makes the adoption less complicated, correct? Only one set of state laws to deal with?

This is a decision for you and the birthmom. However, I have to say that I think the little bit of messiness that might result from an interstate adoption would be worth it in the long run....... If the adoption goes through, you don't have to worry about whether bmom did it out of obligation from you paying her expenses. And if it does not go through, you haven't dished out all that money.

As a birthmom, I also have to say that I never would have agreed to leaving my home to give birth. Has this woman had children before? It's soooo emotional (even if you're not placing your child). I cannot imagine having gone through the birth of my first daughter (the one I placed) in a strange place and without ALL my support people around (Mom, Dad, sister, grandparents, boyfriend, best friend, boss, and friends from work-- way too many to fly anywhere!).

Just my input...

Nicole

[NCMom]

That was exactly my point Nicole. Unless she has been completely abandoned, she will need her support group, even if it's just one special friend. We have the rest of our lives with this child. Surely we can afford her this short period of time when it's all about her.

[numbr1dbcksfan]

Good call!!

[Support2Adopt]

I think alot has to do with whose idea this is and why. In our case, it was requested by our child's Birthmother to be brought to our state. She already had one child and couldn't handle another and didn't want anyone to try to talk her into keeping the baby when she didn't want to.
JJ

[79nic]

Support2adopt,

You make a good point. I think the key in this situation, though, is that it is NOT the bmom's idea. It is the lawyer's. And with all due respect to the lawyers, they are really the LAST ones whose "comfort" should be considered. They're the legal experts, they're up to the challenge of dealing with an interstate adoption. Considering all the emotions involved in adoption (both for bparents and aparents), the lawyers' needs/wants should really come last....

JMO.

[Support2Adopt]

Originally posted by 79nic
Support2adopt,

Considering all the emotions involved in adoption (both for bparents and aparents), the lawyers' needs/wants should really come last....

Absolutely!
JJ