[megsmom]

Has anyone met their potentail birth mom on the internet, and had the adoption work out? How do both sides become comfortable with the other when things on the net are so unknown? Does this type of adoption really happen?
Any ideas or help would be great!
Shannon
Mommy2meg

[lisa in venice]

We did! We met thru someone else (also an online aquaintance), we exchanged emails, a phone call and met in person. Now we did not make any decisions untill after we had met several times. In the beginning we focused on getting to know eachother. Once we were sureit was a match we invited in all the adoption pros (Attorney, SW, Agency etc). In hindsight we probably should have gone to the pro s earlier in the process but like I said we hadn't made any decisions until we had known eachother for a couple of months.

lisa

[mlbsands]

I just wanted to say hi and let you know that you are not alone in this.. we too have been searching for a little one and have met several expectant moms via the internet..

it is very hard on both sides to know what is the truth, what people are like and to get "comfortable"..

I know that we have talked to some pregnant ladies that we felt very comfortbale with and others that is just did not "feel right" with..

I have become very discouraged as well.. but I have also read so many success stories on here that I know it will happen for us soon.. )

We recently lost a match and that has been very hard.. we have had a few that "decided to parent" and a few that just plain lied to us.. that said.. we have been split between those being "internet meetings" and thru agencies.. so.. I am not really sure that 1 is better than the other..

Ok. that may not have helped.. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone..

Mandy

[MkMw]

We did too - our first e-mail from her was May 1, 2002, the boys were born July 3.

How did we get comfortable? I'm not sure - lol - let me think about it - I'll PM you..... It definately can be an intimidating prospect both for us, and for those searching for parents for their baby.

[megsmom]

Thank you for your thoughts! and the (pm)
I'm trying not to post here much, as we just had a broken match, and much of it was from being on these boards too much!
Its amazing what the net can do for you or against you.
It's nice to have support though! I had started an adoption referral service and enjoy doing that but I need to learn more about how to work with a birth mom once the contact is made-
We are taking a break for now but, when we decide to move ahead once more I'll take much of whats mentioned here to heart, and find a few books to read about independent adoption! Mandy sorry to hear about your broken match- I've had only one before this but this has been the worse- I really fell in love with the birth mom. But we have to remember life still goes on, the world doesn't stop for our broken hearts, wait isn't that a song LOL!
So do you all have an attorney already hired???
Shannon
mommy 2 princess Megan
waiting for a 2nd blessing!

[mlbsands]

Shannon,

I know what you mean about falling in love with a birthmom.. I did the same thing with our failed mactch.. I stillc are for her very much and still stay in contact..

We do have an attorney here that we are working with. And when we have a potential match elsewhere we contact an attorney there to get all the laws straight and get our lawyer to talk to them..

Is that what you guys did??

Mandy

[megsmom]

Mandy,
No we didn't have an attorney Pre-hired I guess you would say, I always heard to wait and find out if you even need one in your state, with our first adoption we didnt. Any way I did a lot of things wrong with our last match and now have to deal with the should of's. I now have an attorney! So what do you do when someone contacts you ask them to call the lawyer right away? I just feel so pushy doing that. Im confused! Any help would be great!!!
Im glad to see you can remain friends with the birth mom from your broken match, Im hoping for the same with ours but my new saying is we will have to see what the future holds, only God knows!
Thank you for the coments
Shannon
Mommy 2 princess Megan!
praying for a 2nd blessing too!

[Joyful Momma]

Out of curiousity, how do you go about meeting a birth mother on the internet? I have 3 adopted (step-parent adoption), and we've strongly considered adopting an older sibling group, but I would really like to adopt an infant if possible at some point. Any pointers?

[lisa in venice]

You can build a website and link it to any or all of the adoption websites that have adoptive parent profiles. For most you will need an approved homestudy unless you live in a state that allows post placment homestudies (like CA). YOu should also have an atorney or agency on board to help you with the screening and follow-up. It is just like advertising in anyother way you still need all of the legal and social work help in place once you make the connection.

I built our site and emailed it to every attorney in our state and five others then follwed up with phone calls. I also hit up facilitators and agencies. Anyone who might allow me to network thru them without sending a butt load of money upfront. Most were not interested in talking to me unless I paid them a retainer of became "their" client. But there were others who agreed to keep our site on file if they had a sitatuion come up that was not already matched. In June of last year after a couple of months of this kind of marketing and several leads that went nowhere we found our littlest, Miranda.

Our email was forwared to an attorney in the Bay Area who just put it in a file. A few weeks later another attorney in OH emailed her about a situation where she could not find a family, the attorney in SF asked her retained clients if they were interested and when none of them were ready to act on this lead she pulled out our info.

I would have linked to those sites that I mentioned above but I found a situation before I sent the checks to those sites. I know of several people who have been mathced thru those sites.

lisa