[Mamakitty3]

hi, i posted last week about a Birth Mom that contacted me via my Dear Birth Mom website. well, i called lawyers, asked questions, have everything ready to go if she sais let's go. i've heard nothing from her!!! i tried to IM her like she did me. nothing. i tried to email her. nothing. that's the only contact info i have so far. and she's not answering. should i give up hope? should i continue to get things ready just in case? i feel so stupid. like either i was taken in by a person looking to be hurtful or that i did/said something to turn her away.

ugh. feeling very down right now. i stupidly let my hopes be raised this time.

thanks,
Mamakitty3

[Cricket8351]

I am so sorry you are feeling down. I know that it is really hard to trust on the internet. There are a lot of people who for whatever reason enjoy toying with the emotions of others. There is no way to know at this point whether the person who contacted you is genuine or not.

The only thing you can do is try to guard your heart. It is hard and I know that but with adoption it was the best advice I ever got.

Take care of yourself.

Cricket

[tobeafamily]

It's actually not all that unusual to have a single contact, even if the pbparents sound very sincere and secure in their decision, and then for them to disappear/never be heard from again. This process is as scary and painful for them as it is for you - sometimes actually voicing plans is enough to make them rethink/make a plan to parent, etc. When we were searching we got many 'first' contacts that never became second or third ones, etc.

I don't think it necessarily means this person is a 'scammer', more likely they're just scared, overwhelmed, uncertain, etc. It will likely happen again - you'll get a single contact that will never progress. I generally didn't get excited until someone had acted on their plan beyond contacting me - i.e. met with agency counselor (required by law here in VA), met with/called attorney, etc.

Hang in there,

Regina

[Mamakitty3]

Thank you both for replying. and Regina, thank you for your experience. i never thought of it that way. she sounded like she loved her other gilrs very much, so maybe she did decide to parent or maybe her family decided to help her out or something. i feel a little better now.

Thanks, it really helps to have people who understand what we're going through.

Mamakitty3

[BeckyMiller]

I have spoke to adoptive parents once and never contacted them again. I never promised to call them back. Some birthparents want to talk to several couples before making a decision.