[seeking2adopt]

The 20/20 episode on adoption has been a very controversial one on these forums. I was not able to see it because we don't get the channel (and I know some people opted not to see it), but I am very curious to hear feedback from anyone who did. Good, bad, indifferent?

[BrandyHagz]

Hi Seeking,

NancyAshe, one of the Editors here at Adoption.com has a thread she is hoping to "discuss" the topic on located on the General Adoption Issues Forum.

The program hasn't ended yet, but I'm sure we'll hear all about it when its over!

[seeking2adopt]

Thanks Brandy! I'll get an eye on that thread.

Stephanie

[hope44]

I felt it treated the matter in a sensitive way. Barbara even shared that her daughter was adopted which helped the viewer understand her perspective on all this. I thought it gave a more accurate picture of the emotional battle for all parties involved than I expected. I know several of my friends were going to watch it so that they might better understand what we face. While each adoption situation is different, I felt this story contributed to the public's awareness in a positive way.

[redhedded]

like to share the bull**** that really needs to be dealt with. I do not watch much television, okay other than Sesame Street and the Wiggles. I have never watched this program with Kelly Ripa; however, tonight as I flipped the channel, I saw Robert Wagner and Jenny McCarthy (of MTV fame). I stopped; what transpired next left me dumbfounded and pissed, and as often stated here, little offends me. Kelly and Faith, who I gather from advertisements is her sister, leave the room. Faith says, "she is young enough to be his daughter." (in reference to Jenny) Kelly says, "I am young enough to be his daughter." Faith says, "you are his daughter." Kelly says, "ah, you are adopted. Oh, well I love you anyway. Okay, not as much as I did, but I still love you." The last time I was this angry was when FAO Schwarz had their holiday adoption nursery complete with employee dressed as a nurse at the Los Angeles store where we shopped. I wrote a letter then expressing my displeasure and will certainly do so this time.

There was much discussion about 20/20 at our house tonight. My husband found it grotesque. I say any primetime program that remotely addresses adoption in an accurate light opens the door for honest dialogue with those who know nothing about it. It provides an opportunity to correct some of the misinformation and to reinforce what was an accurate portrayal. Further, if nothing else, it presented the difficulty of this journey for each of us who is involved. While showing the process on television is pretty exploitive, I did not feel that anyone was being exploited. It showed, first and foremost, the difficulty that Jessica had and the immense love that she had for the child that she placed. While each of us here is fully aware of the pain (adoptive parents certainly not experiencing it but being cognizant) the courage, the immense love and heartache that has accompanied this decision, we have often discussed here the sometimes inaccurate or simplistic view that strangers have of a woman's choice to place.

It showed what Jessica initially thought she wanted in a family, maybe one with adopted children in an already open adoption, was not ultimately what she chose. She chose a family with no children who were seeking a fully open adoption. It was about making a connection, trusting them implicitly and feeling confident in her choice. It showed that such an arrangement does not work for every family, as one of the last two couples, opted not to proceed (although they did not know whether or not they had been chosen), because they were not comfortable with the level of openness or involvement that she was choosing. Thank god they were honest about this. Jessica is currently visiting the family 1-2 times per month. There were some very poignant moments. I thought Barbara did a great job of asking questions that while seemingly obvious to those of us in any adoption might be on the minds of viewers with no familiarity of the process and the relationships.

Jessica was bright, very perceptive and sure of what she wanted. I can entirely understand why she might want to present her position - to inform others in her situation of their options, to encourage and display the advantages of a fully open adoption. I was not, however, sure why these couples would be willing to subject themselves to the disappointment of not being chosen on national television. In the end, each adopted a baby.

Lela, I am working on a response back to you.

[tinazimm]

As a b mom in an open adoption it touched my heart. I saw the other side of adoption in seeing the familys being choisen and the hoops thay had to go throw. I called my b daughters father tonight and asked if she was going to see it becouse I felt this would give her a small view of what her adoption is all about. So I am hopeing to hear how she took it. She is 13 and she knows me and open adoption was told to her all her life. I do feel alot was left out and alot of fears on both sides where not addresed but god it is an hour show. All in all it is going to be interesting to hear all the adoption community and think this is going to be only a new start in open adoption storys being told. http://www.picturetrail.com/tinazimm my adoption story Love to all Tina

[Sidswife]

We adopted our beautiful son through the agency used for the 20/20 program. We were very pleased with their services to us and to our son's birthmom. They were very compassionate and understanding throughout the entire process.
I think that after all of the hoopla over the promos all said and done, the actual program itself was done in very good taste. It is too hard to sum up all of the emotions and concerns that surround an adoption in only one hour. However, I believe that the show was balanced between the aparents and the birth family.

[Redangel]

I thought it was a wonderful portrail of adoption in general. Also opening up the doors for open adoptions. I am currently adopting my 18mo fs I have had since birth. This is going to be a open adoption as well. I it warms my heart that my son will grow up and feel how much he is loved by so many people.

[dl]

As an adoptee that watched tonight's 20/20 show, I thought adoptive parents and potential adoptive parents might be interested in an adoptees reaction to the 20/20 show.

As an adoptee, I was very put off by the promotional spots about this program.

The actual program was very well done, IMO. However, as an adoptee, it reinforced my level of comfort that I was raised in a closed adoption. I found it very uncomfortable to have the child referred to as a "shared child" . I personally am grateful that I grew up as a child that felt completely part of my family ~ that I belonged ~ no different than my friends, vs. feeling half & half or as a child that was shared and actually belonged completely in neither family.

I also, personally found it offensive that a 16 year old, who is/was clearly not in a position to parent a child herself, was interviewing and judging people on their ability to parent. I am very glad that my parents did not have to go through this degrading process. I had wonderful parents but I doubt that they would have participated in this type of situation.

I understand more than ever why some couples choose International Adoption.

[mj77]

dl, your insites are great to read. It was very saddening seeing the bmom's pain as she handed her son over. I can't imagine the selflessness it took to place her baby in the arms of loving parents. I thought it was wonderful. I wish it could have touched a little more on the emotions involved in adoption from both sides but I know it's only an hour show.

[riley6]

dl, I had a different take on the shared child comment. The amom said clearly that she is Ryan's mom. I think of the sharing as "sharing the love and the heart of the child". I AM my children's mom, but they have another mom that loves them and that they have given their hearts to. My child IS my child, but will never be completely MINE (as my bio kids are).

**This is not in ownership, but in "claiming" a child, in love, into the family.

[HopefulIPs]

I did not personally have any problems with the program, as it was portrayed ok, but IMHO, i am sooo re-assured in oudecision for a semi-open adoption plan. I just would not be able to handle this situation, its too controlled, too shared, in my own opinion.

andrea

[toyjsu]

I had mixed feelings about the program. My husband and I got to see both sides of open adoption and we agreed it wasn't for us. I think the show was very informative. My husband and I had the opportunity to have a discussion we had never had before about open adoption and the feelings involved. He didn't like the show at all. He was concerned about the feelings of the aparents as they "interview" for a child. I'm sure there are many degrees to how open the adoption is. My hat is off to those of you who want to do open adoption. I think our choice to pursue a waiting child/foster to adopt is the best for us right now.

[LouiseT]

did anyone else catch that after the adoption took place, jessica called the baby liam, and the adoptive parents called him ryan? i believe that will be very confusing to the child, and hope they agree to call him by one name.

[redhedded]

Like you, we found that such an arrangement, as this one, would never work for us.