[mamasoon]

hello all. I am currently foster adopt legal risk for 2 little boys. Ages are 8 mos. and almost 3 years old. Hubby and I dealt with loss of 2 babies (ectopic) and then 5 years of fertility treatments and such, so pretty much everyone knows our struggle to build a family. I do not tell people that this is a legal risk situation because I believe that people would be constantly gossiping about it. I just tell people that we are in the process of adopting these babies and let it go at that. There are those though that just want to hear the 'dirt' about everything. What about the parents, where are they from, are there any health issues. I try very hard to let people know that these are things we don't discuss but then you have the sly people who ask in a round about way and those are the ones I have issue with. I was always very open about our fertility issues and our journey to get to here but now I have these boys' privacy to protect along with our own. How do you deal with this without being rude? There is also the issue that the boys have a 1/2 sister who has severe problems and whom we will not be adopting and I dont know when we will have contact. I am sure that would really set the tongues to wagging. My main problem with that is that we were initially told that it would be a sib group of 3 but cw was confused as the girl is not available for adoption at this time and we don't feel we would be the best placement for her. I don't want people asking questions about her so I don't mention her but then I feel bad for acting like she dosent exist.
Anyhoo, let me know your thoughts.
Kathy

[crick]

There are always going to be people who ask questions. I try to separate the ones from people who are concerned about what happened to my kids from those who are just downright nosy and rude.

With our families & close friends, we chose to disclose a few details of my kids' pasts because we wanted to be sure they all understood why my kids might say something or do something in relation to their past and wanted the family to know what to say in response. My family needed to understand why they can't give my kids certain things, the food issues, etc. because they have a relationship with my children. However, I did not share too many details as I feel my kids have a right to their privacy.

For others, I don't explain anything. Sometimes the "why do you ask?" response is a really good one because most people will just move onto something else. And if they persist, sometimes I'll say "As I've said before, we don't discuss that and I'd appreciate it if you could please respect my family's privacy." A lot of times, I completely ignore the round a bout ways people sometimes pry and move onto a completely different topic. In other words, I pretend not to "get it", if you know what I mean. And yes, there have been times where I've simply just said "it's none of your business." I don't feel it's being rude when protecting the best interest of your children.

Congratulations on your family!

[Opus]

Kathy,

My wife and I share the same philosophy as Crick. We might share some detail with close family members and friends but never divulge any information to acquaintences or strangers. Our kids' business is their own and its our role to protect them.

I usually just ignore lame questions. DW is generally more direct in her response as she is a feisty Italian woman.

Congratulations, too, on your family.