[LoriLou]

Hi All! Just curious if any of you paid birthmom expenses? We are waiting to hear from our attorney on this subject. She has had to take a month off of work - I would love to help her out since she has done this. I know that every state is different on the matter. Just wondering what other expenses you paid? Just trying to think through everything. Lou

[wishingforbaby]

hey there,

I am being asked to pay for the birth!!! I don't know if I can handle this and am thinking of backing out, even though this would break my heart.

Good luck!

[lisa in venice]

Generally I am not a fan of payibng expectant family expenses. I did however pay about 6 weeks of expenses when our ds' birth mom lost her job because of a false labor scare. Paying a month' expenses is very differnt from paying several month's expenses. I think those kinds of situations are extremely dicey.

I have a hard time with several lmonths of expenses for several reasons. First and foremost as an adoptive parent I don't have the kind of money to risk thousands of dollars and than just rwrite it of. If we paid six months of expenses and the adoption didn't happen we would have to save for several year to attempt another adoption. Second because it is such a risk I think it can be coercive. People can have the best intentions but when thousands of dollars as well as thatdream of afmily are all on the line I can see where there would be a little too much riding on that particualr situation. Lastly I believe that adoption should be a last resort for expecant parents, I don't believe it should be soley based on finances. If the pg is coausing a temporary financial crisis I believe hte crisis should be dealt with BEFORE and adoption plan is made. Adoption is a permanent solution and should not be used to fix a temporary situation. I the two sitations I was involved with where expectant moms and one mom of a six month old were looking at adoption plans because they were unemployed and homeless. I made many phonecalls until I found someone to help. In both cases once they were in safe housing they made the decision to parent. JMHO

lisa

[NCMom]

Would you be paying through an agency or to the expectant Mom directly? Check the laws in your state. Texas only allows medical, legal and counseling to be paid directly. Any other expenses must be paid through a licensed agency. I guess it's a matter of what your comfortable with. And you need to ask yourself "Would I be willing to assist her and part with this money, even if she decides to parent"

We actually have kind of an odd situation. The expectant Mom lives with us, but her parents actually pay US for her expenses, as we are not allowed to do so. They just want her out of their hair. She refuses to go to a maternity home. The whole situation is very sad.

Also, no offense intended Wishingforbaby but...HUH????? Paying for a birthmothers medical expenses as it relates to the birth of the baby you are adopting is extremely customary, dare I say, expected, and as far as I know, legal in all 50 states. The way I look at it, if I were having this baby myself, I would be paying the doctor bill, so it never even occurs to me that paying the bill for the woman who is blessing us with her child to raise would be an issue.

I guess I'm unclear as to where your issue lies, whether it is financial or moral.

Laura in Houston

[gregram]

we have been paying living expenses since our mathced expectant mom was 18 weeks. The money is being handled by our attorney. She pays the bills when they are received in her office. We would have loved to have found a situation in which this was not needed, but we were tired of waiting with no end in sight. We matched about a 1 week after deciding to help with expenses. Our total cost is not much over what most agencies charge. Some agencies are helping with birthmother expenses, you just don't realize it. Of course with 7 weeks to go we know this is still at risk money, but we just looked at our budget and have lived skimpy for the past 15 weeks so it wasn't like we are using our savings for this---more like a monthly expense.

[DianeS]

NCMom, most people object to paying the full cost of the mother's labor and delivery because if they were having the baby themselves, all but a couple hundred dollars would be covered by insurance. (In most cases, anyway.)

Paying cash for the full hospital costs is extremely cost prohibitive for most adoptive parents. Paying the co-pay for the few expenses not covered by insurance or Medicare is usually not, though.

I could be wrong, but to me it sounded like Wishingforbaby's comment was about full expenses.

[lisa in venice]

DianeS,
that's what I thought wishingforbaby was upset about. I personally would be uncomforable with a situation like that. It has the potential to wipe you out financuially if something goes wrong.

[Big Dreamer]

I am also from Texas we paid for medical, legal and six weeks of expenses after the baby was born. All the money was filtered through our attorney and adoption agency. Any money given to the birth family from the afamily could jeopardize the adoption if it doesn’t go through the legal channels.

Our bmom didn't have medical insurance so the agency helped her get on Medicaid. We gladly paid all the other bills after the baby was born. The doctors were great and let us make payments it was less than $3000.00.

Up front our birth mom made it clear that she wanted no financial assistance at all. She wanted whatever money we could have given her to go into a trust fund for the baby.

We were somewhat relieved because in the past we had paid out several thousand dollars to two other birth families who decided to parent. Though we were glad they chose to parent it was very hard for us to recover financially.

We had recently decided we would no longer be able to invest in additional expenses and passed on a couple of situations because they needed more support than we could afford.

In the end we had to really push our bmom to accept the 6 weeks of expenses. We didn’t want her to worry about her car payment, rent, groceries etc so we created a fund so that our attorney/agency could pay her expenses.

Our bmom is a true gem…we hope your gem comes along soon.

Hugs,
Maria

[wishingforbaby]

Hey,

Laura, I was talking about the entire birth cost (over 25,000 if a c-section) (Who do you know that has to pay for their own hospital bills out of pocket, with no insurance???)

But, I just found out today that "A" is covered by her fathers insurance. It pays for all of her birth costs, just not the costs of the baby's stay. YEA!!!
I am so releived. We can totally handle all of the costs for the baby's bills.

Brenda

[Support2Adopt]

Great news, Brenda! Now when does your coverage for the baby kick in?
JJ

[Big Dreamer]

Brenda....that was great some great news!

Glad to hear that alot of the financial burden is gone. Now you can concentrate on your relationship with this family. Building a bond with them will be an experience of a lifetime.

Keep us posted...

Maria

[mom2alex]

We were responsible for "L"s hotel bills as she came in from another state to deliver (which only turned out to be a few days worth), but in the end "L" refused to send the bill and paid them herself (bless her heart)!

Since she delivered out of state, her insurance only covered a portion of the delivery. We ended up paying about $4,000 in medical bills associtated with the delivery. Our insurance picked up the baby retro back to delivery.

[NCMom]

OK, You answered my question. Your issue was financial. I'm happy that a solution presented itself and that you will be able to proceed.

Best of Luck!