[AMom2Two]

Please share with me the appropriate time to give their child's bmother a gift.

For our last adoption, we were told to give her the gift when she came to the agency to sign the papers, but his time around, we will be at the hospital when our second child's mother will deliver. I know you really shouldn't give it to her too early because you don't want to pressure her into making her decision. I am fearful of waiting too long also, what if I wait until the baby is discharged and his mother doesn't come to the hospital that day. The ideal situation would be if they were discharged together, but I don't know how all this will play out and I don't want to miss the opportunity to give her our gifts.


We purchased a beautiful sterling silver bracelet with pearls on it. They say pearls are sign of motherhood. It has a charm that shows a heart, formed by two hands cradling a tiny baby within the heart. It is beautiful! We also purchased a sterling silver necklace that has a pearl surrounded by a circle and bigger circle surrounding both of them. I was going to explain the meaning of why I picked these items for her.

Please share with me when you presented your gift to your child's bmom and what you gave and her reaction.

If you are bmother reading this, would being presented with these items make you feel uncomfortable? When would you like to be presented with our gifts.

[HappyTwinsMom]

Our daughters were born on a Saturday and their birthmom signed her relinquishments in court the following Wednesday. She came by the hospital (they were in the NICU for a month) after the court hearing to see us and the babies. We gave her our gift at that time. It was important to us that the gift not be considered an inducement, so we specifically waited until relinquishments were signed.

Hope that helps!

[cathy102]

First of all I want to say congrats on your match. I don't get on the computer that much because of my 2 little ones, you will know what I mean when you have your new baby home!!! I just knew it wouldn't take too long for someone to be matched with you...I am so excited for you and your family..

With our first adoption, we missed the birth because we are in MO and Lexi was born in CA. We were still at the airport when she was born but the birthmom wanted us there with her in the delivery room. We gave her a gorgeous White Platium Gold Butterfly necklaces with Sapphires and Diamonds in it. We gave her that after about spending one hour with her in her room..

With Sean's birthmom, he was born and then we arrived in FL 48 hours after his birth because she didn't want us there. But we did get to meet her and her mom and we gave her a Cross Diamond necklace before she left...

Kids are getting up from their naps but again, I am so happy for you..You will have to share some of the names you picked out..

Hugs,

Cathy

PS...And I think you should be excited!!! Enjoy this time because you will be VERY busy soon!!! I know both of my kids keep me sooooooooo busy but I love it!!!

[kinnj]

We gave our birthmom an angel. WHen I first met her, she said she collected angels. We gave it to her the day after the baby was born. They were both still in the hospital at that point.
What do you give the birthfather if he is in the picture?
Even though our placement was disrupted, I was still proid that I had given the birthmom something she loved.
KINNJ

[GinnyBinny]

That sounds like a wonderful and thoughtful gift.

my bson's parents gave me a gift when we first met. It did not make me feel presured. I thought it was sweet and thoughtful. I invited them to visit at the hospital both days after delivery. The first day they came to visit there they gave me flowers and a very nice card. I really appreciated the card. I re-read it the day after I left the hospital and it brought me some comfort.

Do you have an open adoption? Are you going to have visits? If so the first visit may be a good time to give her your gift. At the first visit you may have more time to talk to her about the special meaning of your gift and the first visit can be a real hard visit and something so thoughtful would be real comforting.

During the time she is staying at the hospital is a good time but, at the time of signing papers like, right before or right after I personally would not like to recieve a gift. For me I was in so much pain while I signed the papers that the only thing I wanted and apreciated receiving was a hug. The time of signing the papers is such a hard and painful time it is more of a time to cry and recieve hugs than recieve gifts. Recieving a gift around the time of signing would of been kinda weird to me... Its hard to explain why.. it just would of been wierd.. but thats just me she may feel differently.

Have you spoken to any of her family or friends? If so asking them when they think would be a good time might be a good idea.

best wishes,
-Ginny

[KZacharyC]

congrats on the new babay. but coming from a firstmother I would tell you to wait a little while. you will be able to feel out the situation once she has the baby. Thia is her time to have with her child and she needs to make the decition for her and no one else. remeber she will be the one who has to live with it for the rest of her and the childs life. I do understand your fears of her changing her mind. but do remeber not to push it on her. My couple indead did this and I now have alot of resentment and anger towords them.
I think your gift is great. she will charish it forever, i have a little baby ring that I had my son were on his big toe (it was to big for fingers) and it has almost been 2 years now and I still have worn it around my neck every day sense he was placed. Thank you for doing such a nice thing for her. good luck and remeber things will work out fine. but just feel out when you think the time is right to give her her gift...

KZacharyC

[AMom2Two]

Thank you everyone for replying. I loved ALL your idea's. They all sound great.

This will be an open adoption. We will be meeting the potential bmothers parents on Monday. They have invited us to their home. I am so nervous

I think I will take the safe position and wait until our first visit with her. Maybe I'll even schedule that so that I know I will be able to share my chosen items with her and explain them. I agree presenting gifts close to signing of reliquinishment papers does not seem appropriate. It seems that would be a time for loss not to be opening gifts as one does when they celebrate.

I liked the idea of giving a card and I was touched to read how you Ginny read it over and over again. That touched my heart. Thank you for sharing that.

I will take a card and flowers to the hospital and save the small chosen items for our first visit.