[smilestunner]

I am just really frustrated. I have always held the view that adoption is a wonderful thing. I have even come to the point, or maybe I was always at this point, that adoption is the only thing I want to do. I try and explain this to others and they all say they want their own children, which I guess is understandable. I try to paint a picture for them, I describe that children need stable environments in order to thrive and that due to an increasing number of children given up for adoption each year, many of them will remain in an institution until they are 18 with little love and support. Then they will go out into society as hateful people without the guidance and love of a family and only continue the cycle which they have come from. Also, the world is over-populated already, why add more children to it instead of adopting those in need who are already here? So then I tell them that I see it as being selfish to only want your own children. They claim children in the system are not our problem and that they want their own children because they can share a special bond with them. I understand that, but I also see how the world is today and can imagine myself in the shoes of an orphan or foster child. Honestly, I don't see why people have to have their own children, why they can't just adopt. Especially considering the circumstances of the world these days. It just really makes me angry that I cannot find one person out there who agrees with me......

[icunurse]

Adoption is a wonderful thing that, unless you're a part of "the world", not a lot of people truly understand. Is it an older child that you are looking to adopt (to save them from "the system")? Reasonably healthy newborns/infants tend not to end up in the system. Also, just a little clarification....my adopted child is "my own". I don't have any biological children. Good luck!

[cfc]

I have friends who feel the same way. I have one bio child and then chose to adopt 2 from Guatemala. My personal viewpoint is God made some of us to take care of his wonderful children who need homes. My husband often looks at all the children who need homes and gets frustrated also that others don't seem to have true comapssion for all the children out there abandoned etc.
I can say being the mother of bio and adopted children there is absolutely no difference in the love you have for your children. I love them all so much, and I am so gratelful for my adopted children. They are wonderful additions to our lives and I can't imagine how lonely and quiet my life would be without them. Noone understands how hard you work to bring an adopted child into your family. All the paperwork, etc.
There is nothing more wonderful than having other adoptive families to have for friends and companionship because they do share the same feelings and views.

[rec41048]

I've decided to adopt my first child instead of havin it myself.Any pointers from experienced parents? Just so ya know i'm a young single woman.How would I get started on the adoption process ?

[JadedSaint]

To the orignal poster, I am somewhat confused, and offended by your comments. First and foremost, adoption IS a wonderful way to build a family. Apparently this is your first post on this forum and you just jumped right in without really introducing yourself! So, for clarification, I gather you are a prospective adoptive parent and have no bio children? And since you have made the decision to adopt (assumingly) an older child, you are not finding the support you hoped for? Perhaps you are trying to persuade people that adoption is the route to go in order to build a family, and not everyone is in agreement with you?

What bothers me about your post is your comment about being selfish to have bio children. (Actually, you said "your own" which I assume you meant bio children) We are seeking adoption of an older child or possibly siblings through the state. I am also desiring pregnancy (after 2 miscarriages) and the hope that one day I will give birth to a child.
You also made a generaliztion of children remaining institutionalized until age 18, receiving little love and guidance. Going off into the world to repeat the cycle. Sadly, yes it does happen. But you are making general statements here. There are many wonderful foster families and group homes that do love their fchildren. Please show me statistics and data to support your claim.

You may or may not find people to agree with you on your opinions, but at least learn about other people first. My suggestion to you is to lurk a little, read and learn before jumping in and posting. Good luck to you.

[amom4life]

Adoption is a wonderful way to build a family, but so is having bio children. I don't think anyone is selfish for wanting to have bio children or if they only want bio children for that matter. I don't think anyone is selfish who CAN have bio children, but choose to adopt instead.

The "their own children" comment isn't a good one because We have 1 bio child and two adopted and they are all "our own children".

I think it is arrogant to tell someone how 'you' think they should build 'their' family. As another poster said it really isn't your business just as you wouldn't want someone to tell you how to build yours. It is a very personal decision.

Please don't get offended or hurt by what we're saying to you. I really do hope you stick around. We all have room to learn.
Judy

[mj77]

Where I live sure doesn't make me feel like the world is overpopulated. I agree with some of the things JadedSaint stated. I do not believe it is selfish for a couple to want to have a biological baby. I think it would be facinating to see what a child of mine and my husband's would look like or be like. I don't think everyone has a calling to adopt. I really do believe it's a calling. How many people wake up in the morning and tell themselves they think it would be a wonderful experience to go through an invasive homestudy, in some cases fork over thousands of dollars, and ride the emotional rollercoaster that adoption can be. Maybe even risk having a failed placement or so on...? I think our hearts are to want to parent but we take one day at a time. It really isn't for everyone. I really don't look at my son like I rescued or saved him from the system. I look at who he is and what a blessing he is in my life. I feel he is a wonderful child with so much to offer.

Melissa

[Support2Adopt]

Originally posted by smilestunner
So then I tell them that I see it as being selfish to only want your own children. They claim children in the system are not our problem and that they want their own children because they can share a special bond with them.

Just a couple of comments here. First, I understand your frustrations.
Next, when someone adopts, they become your own children. At least they should be considered as such. I don't mean that children are possessions, but that when you adopt, that child becomes a true part of your family. At least that's how it should be.
I can tell you that as an adoptive Mom, I share a very special bond with my children.
However, not everyone is cut out to be an adoptive parent. Some people are not comfortable with parenting a child they didn't create for various reasons. These are the people who shouldn't adopt as they wouldn't be able to treat a child the same way they would a biological child.
JJ

[Support2Adopt]

Originally posted by rec41048
I've decided to adopt my first child instead of havin it myself.Any pointers from experienced parents? Just so ya know i'm a young single woman.How would I get started on the adoption process ?

First, you would have to decide what kind of adoption you would like to do. Are you interested in a domestic, newborn adoption, a foster care adoption or an international adoption? If you could provide more information, we might be able to help you further.
JJ

[Jeanne21]

Originally posted by smilestunner
Also, the world is over-populated already, why add more children to it instead of adopting those in need who are already here? So then I tell them that I see it as being selfish to only want your own children.

I do agree with this. For me, adoption is the way I will build my family. I have no interest whatsoever in biological children. My husband feels the same way. However, my family is always talking about how beautiful our bio kids will be. They can't see that I do not want to add to the number of people in the world and specifically in North America...

As for others stating that the above was rude, or trying to push them into only adopting.... I can't see how that is the case, this person stated that "I see it as being selfish"... smilestunner is allowed her own viewpoint, she is not pressuring you in any way...

[Bcelli]

As far as adoption vs. bio, our family has been created by adoption. Not because we didn't want bio kids, but because we believe this was God's plan for our family. And I can't say I have any complaints with his work so far.

But I would never presume to think someone who wants biological children is being any more selfish than any other parent. I have studied long and hard on this - philosophically speaking - and have come to the conclusion that wanting to be a parent of any kind comes with a great deal of selfishness - "I" want to love; "I" want to give; "I" want to teach; "I" want to help; "I" want to save.

We've heard so many people say what a wonderful and selfless thing we did in adopting our son and frankly, I find those comments well meaning, but embarrassing, because it's just not true. He has given us so much more. Our son is the selfless one. For us, HE is the real champion in adoption.

[ladyzee]

I understand where everyone is coming from because I can relate to how you guys feel (meaning the people who posted)

I am 26 year old and have no biological children of my own. I’m a prospected adoption parent, who is single (meaning not married). I plan to adopt an infant through the state that I live in (NJ) in a few months, but I’ve been working on this for the past year. I realize that adoption was what I wanted to do, but I would still like to give birth someday, I’m not selfish nor is anyone else, who decide to give birth instead of adopting.

You have to remember that adoption is not for everyone and some people will say things that you may not agree with, they may even question why your doing it. But if you feel strongly about your decision to adopt, do not bring anyone down who does not agree with you, or that has children that they give birth to.

Good luck and I hope it all works out
Many Blessing to you all
zee

[riley6]

I would just like to add that adopting isn't as "easy" as some people think it is. Even to adopt an older child is a very long, involved process. Adopting an infant is expensive. When we were first married we didn't even have the $300 it cost to pay the hospital after the birth of our first child. There was no way we could have afforded the adoption fees.

It took us 6 yrs to adopt the children we have now. It was a very long and painful journey that involved a lot of disappointments.

We have two beautiful biological children that we unselfishly gave birth to. They were a blessing from God, unplanned, but very much wanted! We also have four wonderful children through foster/adopt. God in His glory blessed us with these children as well. The way we built our family is one led by God. If we are selfish, then it's bc God created us to be that way.

[lucyjoy]

Well, if you're adopting to stop overpopulation and to save a child from an institution or from fostercare, I assume you mean children over 8 or severely handicapped children. Those are the famililess children who wait. I also hope you take the time to research the effect of living famililess or in numorous places for those eight years so you have a good understanding of what these children will require in order to be healthy adults. Loving and caring for them will not be nearly enough.

[JadedSaint]

Originally posted by Jeanne21
I do agree with this. For me, adoption is the way I will build my family. I have no interest whatsoever in biological children.

As for others stating that the above was rude, or trying to push them into only adopting.... I can't see how that is the case, this person stated that "I see it as being selfish"... smilestunner is allowed her own viewpoint, she is not pressuring you in any way...

Like I had pointed out, as well as other replies, sharing your opinion to this forum is one thing, but down right posting offensive statements and false claims is another. You had made the statement that you have no desire to have a bio child and that building a family through adoption is the best decision for you. But did you go around telling everyone else NOT to have bio children because it's selfish? Did you try to preach to others how many "orphans" or "foster children" stay institutionalized until 18 with no love and guidance, and then become hateful people in society?

The original poster came to this forum and posted for the first time. Yet she did not learn forum etiquette prior to posting. She might not be pressuring me in any way to adopt soley to take in those "poor orphans", but her comments were out of line and she made claims in which she cannot back up. Her profile states she is 19 years old; a young lady that might not have as much life experience as others who have been through the adoption process. Or, perhaps this young lady is or was a hurt child who stayed in the system until she reached 18. We don't know because she never introduced herself to the forum.

But the bottom line is this: Adoption is for some, but not for all. Having a bio child is for some, but not for all. For many, it is equally important. But to preach how selfish it is to have bio children only and NOT adopt is unacceptable. I truly hope that smilestunner remains active on this forum and learns all about the emotional roller coaster if she does plan on adopting in the future.