[riley6]

Smiles, thanks for clarifying your original post. Sometimes when first timers come here, THEY know everything about themselves and know their intentions, but don't really explain that much about themselves, so they post a little (which is natural) and then people misinterpret what they say. Anyway, I think it's great that you want to adopt a bunch of special needs kids who might otherwise go with out a family. My suggestion is to read up on everything you can about FAS and RAD. These are two things that many of our kids come to us with.

And to one poster, sorry I forgot who, wrote:

I'm always amazed when I read that it's only older children in the system. Weren't they once reasonably healthy newborns/infants to? As I read some of the posts here, I'm glad my parents did not feel I was unadoptable due to the fact that I was 13 months old when they met me.

The majority of the children in the system waiting to be adopted are over 5 and have more problems. The younger, healthier children are usually adopted by their ff's or are quickly referred to an adoptive family. Yes, the kids were once younger, but either it took until they were older to come into the system, or they became older while in the sytem. VERY sad situation our system makes! Also, I'm VERY glad you were adopted so young!

[ladyzee]

Hello rec1048, maybe I can be of some help. What state are you from? If you live in New Jersey I’ll be able to tell you how I got started. I’m also going to adopt, I just got completed with what I have to do in my state to adopt a child though the state because I can’t afford to adopt though a private agency. I’m not a foster parent, so I don’t have any children place in my home yet. My last home study is take place on the 29th of April and after that I just have to wait for a placement. Well if you have any questions just let me know.

[JadedSaint]

Originally posted by ladyzee
If you live in New Jersey I’ll be able to tell you how I got started. I’m also going to adopt, I just got completed with what I have to do in my state to adopt a child though the state because I can’t afford to adopt though a private agency. My last home study is take place on the 29th of April and after that I just have to wait for a placement.

Good luck to you Ladyzee! I'm originally from NJ, and although I'm not too familiar with the DES system there (Actually, it is DYFS, correct?) I hope you don't have to wait for placement too long! You must be so excited...10 days away. I'm curious to know how you felt about the ups & downs of the NJ system. Here in AZ, everything seems to be backwards and we have to be our own advocate in a weird sort of way. Our PRIDE classes begin tomorrow night.

[rec41048]

I live in Rhode Island and I also cant afford a private adoption,but I'd still love to adopt.

[ruthannbox]

Hi! I think some of the folks have been a little hard on you, and I'd like to give you a little bit of affirmation. What you're really sayng, I hear, is that you want to adopt but you can't get anybody to even understand your feelings because they're all so intent on bearing biological children. What you should do is find a local group of parents of adoptive children and get to know them. (You should be able to get referrals to such parents from any major adoption agency in your closest big city.) This way, you've got a warm group of like-minded people to visit with and learn from! By the way, I've got a 17-year-old bio daughter, a 3-year-old son from Guatemala and a 6-year-old son living in Guatemala, but hopefully on his way home to me in 4-5 months. Your underlying premise, which I believe is, kids are kids and it doesn't matter how you get them, just so long as you do get them, is true -- at least it has been for me. To me, both pregnancy and adoption are just delivery systems. I also agree with you that genetic relatedness is vastly overrated. There is absolutely no difference, not one single iota of difference, in the way I feel about my two kids. They are both gorgeous, funny, irritating, adorable, maddening, entertaining, frustrating, cuddly, cranky and totally loveable. (Not all at the same time, of course!) So, pursue your dreams with the knowledge that one of the richest parts of life (if not THE richest part) is having kids.

[kburch]

I just got my "paperwork mountain" to fill out today, and I noticed a few questions in my adoption applications that ruffled my feathers a bit, especially after the discussion on this thread:

1) Describe why you are considering parenting a child other than your own at this time.

2) How do you see parenting a child other than your own affecting your life (such as time availablility or flexibility)?

etc., etc., etc.

I'm especially confused by the second one - as if parenting a biological child would not affect my availability or flexibility??? And shouldn't DES be trying to encourage potential aparents to consider adopted children "their own?"

[ruthannbox]

Well, I'm just guessing here, but I think the answer they're looking for is the one you've indicated you feel and that is, any child you adopt would be your own. Maybe they're trying to weed out people who might feel differently about an adopted child as opposed to a bio child. In any event, if I were you, I would just answer the question honestly along those lines, that you would in fact consider an adopted child to be in every respect your own and that there would be no difference. I think the answer to the first question is simply, we want children. If there is some specific reason why you did not want to, or could not have, biological children, maybe they're looking for that too. As the mother of one bio, one adopted and one adopted on the way, I counsel you to just slog through the paperwork and don't let it get you riled. Remember, pregancy and adoption are both just delivery systems and each process has its pains. Save all of your emotion for your little one to be, and make it all be positive!

[JadedSaint]

Originally posted by kburch
I just got my "paperwork mountain" to fill out today, and I noticed a few questions in my adoption applications that ruffled my feathers a bit, especially after the discussion on this thread:

1) Describe why you are considering parenting a child other than your own at this time.

2) How do you see parenting a child other than your own affecting your life (such as time availablility or flexibility)?

I'm especially confused by the second one - as if parenting a biological child would not affect my availability or flexibility??? And shouldn't DES be trying to encourage potential aparents to consider adopted children "their own?"

Kburch, this is very weird, because I went back to my mountain of paperwork as well, and I am finding pretty much the same stuff you mentioned. Almost word for word. I noticed you are in AZ, as well as I am and just started the PRIDE classes this week. I'm wondering if DES hands out the same generic forms to all agencies. But I agree 100% that the wording threw me for a loop! Especially since when you adopt, that child IS your own, regardless of why you adopted, or how flexible a parent you are! I'm betting we have the same packet of paperwork