[lisalou]

Since our wedding day, my husband and I have planned on adopting at least one child . We've been trying to conceive for over 2 years and have come to terms with our options. We are going to make the call tomorrow for an adoption application. This process is so confusing! What I am so worried about is that we will be denied. I am in college and still rather young. Please tell me about the home-study. Is it very tedious and strict? Will they deny us because I still have schooling left? Any info will be so helpful!

[JadedSaint]

Welcome lisalou! I'm fairly new in the adoption world, but hang in for a bumpy ride! Are you seeking adoption of a newborn? Seeking adoption of an older child through foster care (This is what DH I are doing) Have you considered seeking international vs. domestic adoption? Our adoption agency requires a married couple to be married for 2 full years and must be at least 10 years older than the child you are wishing to adopt. I doubt you would be declined because you are still in college. We have yet to have a home-study, but I am anticipating a positive experience. Our case worker will tell us what is right with our home, and what we need to improve on. We will attend 7 weeks of PRIDE classes and learn all about adoption of an older child. Over the past few months, I have read some excellent books and been glued to these forums! Good luck to you

[mj77]

We adopted through our state (we felt called to this direction and it was free). It sounds like you are looking to adopt privately. I know either way you choose homestudies do get very personal. Those of you who are experts or adopted privately, correct me if I am wrong please, but with our state adoption homestudy our case worker ended knowing more about us than most of our friends. They wanted to know about our childhood (and it wasn't all perfect). They wanted to know our income, how our parents were, how emotions were displayed growing up, our faith, they looked at where we lived, we had to have medical exams, had to have references, and FBI background checks. I am sure there was more to it than that. Take things one step at a time. My husband is still in school and works full time. You should get walked through what you are doing. Just some advice, if you haven't already, make sure you have truly come to terms with infertility. A case worker is probably going to want to see that you have grieved it and are really moving on (though I think there is always a part of us that grieves in some way). Adopting our son has been the biggest blessing in our lives and was worth all the waiting and heartache just to have him.

Is there something besides school that worries you that you might be denied a child?

Anyway, congratulations on you decission to adopt. Hang in there. There is a lot of support here for you.

Melissa

[lisalou]

It is so good to hear from people that have experienced this already. We are planning to adopt a child up to 3 yrs old. There isn't really anything else about us that I think they would deny us a child for (except we just moved and haven't sold our other house yet so we are making two house payments). It's just that my husband and I are finding everything wrong with our household and ourselves and it's very nerveracking knowing that we are about to be analyzed.

[JadedSaint]

Melissa, You had mentioned that you are also adopting through the state and had to submit medical exams. I hope you don't mind, but what is it the state was looking for? Just a clean bill of health? You had also mentioned that some agencies want a statement of infertility from the doctor, to help you move beyond and focus on adoption. I think I am in more of a unique position, because we are seeking adoption at the same time pursuing infertility trreatment after 2 miscarriages. This is something we disclosed at the time of our interview. We have come to terms with the fact that I may never give birth to a baby. I think the state is more interested in placing children with the right people, regardless if you are still seeking pregnancy or not. There are hundreds of kids waiting! At least that was the impression I got from our case worker. She wanted to make sure we were adopting in order to build a family, and committed 100% to the process. Not just abandon the idea of adoption should I become pregnant. Oh well, I've turned this into a rambling "me" post, and I apologize!

[mj77]

Our state is Oregon. DHS didn't need a statement from our doctor saying we moved past infertility. Our case worker while interviewing us needed to have that impression by our conversations. And the impression any other trauma we endured in our past was worked through too. Durring our medical exam we were tested for tuberculosis, our doctor filled out a questionier asking if we were physically and emotionally capable of taking care of a "special needs" child. It asked if we were on medication and what for. They wanted to know our height and weight and overall health condition.

Melissa

[DebCsMom]

Every state & agencies have different guidelines. I'm in WI & generally they require you to be at least 25 years old & be married at least 5 full years. Being in college though isn't an issue, unless maybe if you are going for your MD & are in Residency. That is understandable with the hours a resident is required to put in, I would think.

The best thing to do is do some "shopping". Call around to many agencies & ask TONS of questions. Then go with the one you feel most comfortable with. Take some time, you'd hate to get involved with the wrong one. They will all require something different.

GOOD LUCK!!

Deb

[Adopting_in_TX]

Like others have stated all states have different rules. I am in NY, adopting in TX. My agency's home study in addition to making sure that your home is suitable (clean, enough bedrooms, ok neigborhood stuff like that) was mostly an interview. How we felt about adoption, your relationships with family, values and feelings & practices regarding discipline, how your family feels about adoption....things like that. The social worker spent 1 1/2 hours talking and joking with us and 5 minutes looking at our house, just enoigh time to tell us we needed smoke detectors and window guards ! OOPS. We had forgotten about those.

The homestudy was a piece of cake. If you go with a private agency they do have to request a copy of the previous years tax returns.

Hope my little bit of input helps.

Alison

[tac417]

We were very worried about the homestudy also. They do ask a lot of personal questions but our sw also did a lot of education with us about our options through adoption. It really wasn't bad, and the home visit was a piece of cake....our sw laughed at us b/c we had cleaned our closets and everything....she never even looked in there!

As others have said, each agency has different policies...our agency would not take us until we had signed a waiver saying that we were no longer trying to get pregnant.

Good luck in your journey!

[JadedSaint]

our sw laughed at us b/c we had cleaned our closets and everything....she never even looked in there!

OMG that is funny! I already have 2 promises from my best friend and my MIL that will help clean with me when it's time for my 1st homestudy. I mean, I don't live like a slob at all, but I have some normal every day clutter! Afterall, they DID volunteer to help me. My FIL is real supportive, becasue he has been through the homestudy before when DH was adopted. He said we'll be fine. The state just wants to know the kind of people we are and how safe our home will be.

[Sati]

Is it 100% required that a couple be married? I am in a long term relationship for 3+ years now. We have planned our lives together. The only variant is that piece of paper I've just never felt that marriage is that important. I think it's nice for a child to know his parents are married though, so we will be married at some point.

[lisa in venice]

Hi there,
the first time my dh and I adopted we were both still students, young and poor . We were in fact turned down by several agencys but we persisted and found one that was not only willing to work with us but eager. Almost one year to the day of making the decision to adopt we brough home the first of our four children.

I would advise you to do some research onot only on adoption professionals but on methods of adoption and the kinds of kids available.

I wish we had done that the first time around. Not that we had a bad experience but I felt so "beholdin'" to the agency and if I had done more research and had been a more educated consumer I think I would have felt more empowered in the process. I felt much like you do, that they have all of the power and I would be lucky to be chosen. That is not the case. For every child in need of a forever family there is a family for that child. Our jobs as padoptive families is to look in side ourselves, decide what type of child is right for our family and parenting situation and then get our selves out there (network) using the best adoption professionals and most ethical practices to bring those children home.

lisa

[JadedSaint]

Originally posted by Sati
Is it 100% required that a couple be married? I am in a long term relationship for 3+ years now. We have planned our lives together. The only variant is that piece of paper I've just never felt that marriage is that important. I think it's nice for a child to know his parents are married though, so we will be married at some point.

That's a good question Holly. I'm sure every agency has their own rules and stipulations, but they may question your reasons for NOT being married. 3+ years is certainly a lengthy relationship, but not long-term. Do you own a home together, have joint checking, savings, build equity together? Life insurance policies and power of attorney over each other? If you feel that the legal part of the marriage is not important, but you are 100% committed to each other, then build up a positive case for yourself. Be your own advocate. Of course it is nice to have your parents legally married to each other, and that helps preserve the institution of family and marriage for your children to value. I wish you luck in whatever you decide

[juliag]

lisalou...just relax and be you. Your child is out there somewhere. We adopted our brand new baby in December. I am a university student and that was not an issue. The homestudy is very personal, but it was really not that bad at all. Our adoption worker had incredible people skills and made us feel very comfortable. The adoption journey is an emotional roller coaster, but let me tell you....it has the most rewarding ending ever! Good luck on your journey.

[ruthannbox]

Don't be nervous! You're starting a process that will lead to a wonderful outcome. I am the mother of one biological child and one adopted child, and believe me, it doesn't make any difference how they get to you, just as long as they do get to you! My son is from Guatemala and that is a fairly easy country to adopt from, certainly much easier than Russia or China. You will get a baby as young as 4 or 5 months old and you only have to travel once, for as little as 3 days to pick up your baby. It worked out very well for me, and my darling son is beautiful, bright, happy and very well-adjusted. Children from Guatemala tend to be very healthy; I know many kids besides my son who have just done fabulously well. If you might be interested in going that route, just search "Guatemala adoptions" on any of the major seach engines. I am in the process of my second adoption; I'm getting another little boy through the same agency as I received my first son.