[Jensboys]

It is with great sadness that I let you know that a dear friend, and former member of this site, Jordanmode, committed suicide today.

Jordan's daughter, Malia, will turn 3 on the 12th never knowing the love of her birthmom.

Jordan's daughter was adopted by parents who promised her a visit and on going contact. They used (actually wrote the book on) "Fast Track Adoption" but treated her as expendible. I have listened to her pain, her agony at broken promises and a relationship she thought she could rely on. I have heard her cry for just ONE meeting with her daughter's mother, I have heard her ache for a video just to hear and see what her daughter looked like.

Today the pain became too much. Ohh Jordan I will miss you so much. I hope you find your rainbow.

[St.Ives]

Dear God. I am so sorry.

[wishingforbaby]

Oh dear,

I am so sorry for you and for Jordan's family and friends, and espically her daughter.
I'll be praying for you all.
I don't know you, but I ache for you.

[Skye Hardwick]

I am still shaking from the news.

I am the manager of an online group for both bMoms and aMoms. Cindy, lovingly known as Jordan to her friends ...became a member a year and a half ago.

She was my dear friend. She's helped me out many times in the past when I've struggled to get by as a single mom. We were supposed to get together next month and I even told her I wanted her in my wedding party. She was my friend. My "Momma Hen".

It broke my heart to tell the members of my group about her.

I have posts upon posts that can fill up her own book ....posts of sadness and despair. Longing to have what was promised to her. Each one dated. Each one a view into her broken heart.

Is fast track the best track? Not when you lose someone along the way. Jordan got caught in the dust of the adoption and when it settled, she did not find a place for her anymore.

We are more than obstacles that stand in your way to adopting, us birthparents ...we are mothers, with hurts and feelings. We bleed just the same as adoptive parents. We may have made different choices ..but we should be respected.

Here is a poem I wrote for Cindy last fall. It is on my website for birthmoms.

Flight of the Heart

For Cindy, my friend

My heart goes where my arms failed
A mother's love unconquered
Birth-heart connection prevailed

My heart slips in as she sleeps
Gathers around her, cradling
Rocks the one I couldn't keep

A thousand miles
For just one smile ...

Wishes fly
Above their eyes ...

A scarlet cord
Across the shore ...

My heart is flying, untethered
Searching for her, my child
Outstretched, soaring, unfeathered

My heart waits with burning light
For familiar melody calling
A daughter's heart in the night

Until that day she's in my sight
My heart will fly ...remain in flight

© 2003 - Skye Hardwick

I will print and collect her posts and give them to her son who is left behind the grieve his mother and his birth sister. One day, it is my prayer that her daughter knows how much her first mother loved her.

With sadness,

Skye Hardwick

[Coley]

I, too, am shaken and saddened by this news. This makes me want to work harder and fight harder so that this does not happen to other bmoms.

Her family and her dear birthdaughter will be in my thoughts and prayers.

[Support2Adopt]

I don't even know what to say. I never knew this poster, yet, my eyes are filled with tears. In reading some of her posts she seems like such a caring individual. I am so saddened that promises were made that were never kept and now the life of a very special person is gone.
Skye, what a beautiful poem.
I am feeling so heartbroken right now.
JJ

[amom4life]

What terribly tragic news! Jordan's family will be in my prayers.

Skye,
That is a beautiful poem!
Judy

[mommyatheart]

I am so sorry for the loss so many have experienced today... My thoughts and prayers will be with all who were effected by the loss of what sounds like such a wonderful woman... and for the many others who face the same struggles and heartache that eventually became too much for Jordan to bear.
Deepest Sympathies,
J

[mom2alex]

I am just so numb right now. It is just so tragic and incredibly sad. My heart breaks for her dear boys. Her family will certainly be in my prayers.

[Daisha]

I just don't understand how some people can totally disregard another person's feelings so easily, especially when that person gave you the best and most precious gift that you could ever recieve. It is hard to find any good that comes out of someone taking their own life because of such udder sadness, but when my DH and I finally adopt our precious baby, I am going to make an extra effort to give the bmom whatever she needs to get through this tough time. This may not be the place to vent but I just wanted to emphasize how important it is to not forget the bmoms out there who are hurting. May the good lord take her into his arms and bless her eternally for all she has been through.

God bless you all, and my thoughts and prayers are with that poor woman's family and bdaughter.

[Missy M]

[b] Oh My God no no no....not Jordan...not Cindy....oh no. I am shaken...as a former member of TDKOL with Skye and so many others here I am saddened by this news. She has e-mailed me so many times when I was knee deep in my stuff with Tovia and especially when Gina, her A-mom got involved. She's a beautiful person. I will miss her.
It especially sadden's me b/c another friend's (unrelated to this forum) obituary was published in todays paper which I came home and read 45 minutes after the service began...he and I were at the same flea market buying plants last Sunday and spoke briefly promising to call each other soon and exchanging cell phone numbers before parting company...forever it seems. He too decided life was too hard after his former wife moved to Alaska and took his 4 year old twin sons. My God...I am seeking your peace today...comfort us, please.
I don't mean to step on this thread, my heart is heavy, I actually intended to post my grief and ask for prayer. I am so sad...I am praying for the kids ( his and hers) and for each of us touched by Cindy's loss. God help us. God give her peace....(((((((((((Group)))))))))))) MissyM

[megsmom]

How terrible! Its so very important for adoptive parents to keep their word,Birth mothers are making a HUGE sacrifice, and there are too many adoptive parents that take advantage of that thinking that the birth mothers have no feelings, that’s wrong! This story makes my heart ache! And makes me want to show even more love to my daughters birth mom, I never want to take her from my daughter or have her leave my daughter! She gave me the greatest gift of all; my daughter, and she gave my daughter the greatest gift LIFE! My eyes are full of tears after reading this. My prayers are with the family and close friends of Jordan.

Shannon
mommy to meg 2/00 and
life long friend to megs birth mom.

[numbr1dbcksfan]

I read it this morning and I just keep crying. I feel like I knew her just from being here to read al lof her posts. I never met her, but I feel such a loss right now. Is it the scab being ripped off?? I cant stop crying. How are you guys dealing with this? I am just so angry and sad right now.

[numbr1dbcksfan]

[HeavensGifts]

prayers for her family and her fellow friends here on this site!!!


((((((hugs)))))))


Heavens Gifts