[fungirl]

Wow: Now that was a perfect post. Nicely said.

[Snickerdoodle45]

Thank you for your post shatterd child. I have never heard of a adult child of surrogacy. I guess i thought it wasn't around for a long time. I would think that they would feel like adoptees and I have done a lot of reading these past few days about the feelings of adopted kids. Shocking to say the least. Eyes have been opened so fast my head is reeling.

I can see why maybe kids from this sort of adoption would have more issues or different ones in addition to the ones from regular adoptions. Is there a place where I can go to talk to other parents like me in this sort of adoption? You can post it here or just private message.

Isabel has decided that she wants to try to parent the baby and we are going to help. Her sisters are supportive but her parents feel ashamed of her. I hope they change their minds and see how brave she is.One sister is married so there is no way for her to stay there. The other one is a anny housekeeer to an american girl who is also a birthmother! she will live with her or 6 weeks while she recovers from birth. At that time she will tell us if she wants to continue parenting or if she wants us to adopt. If she decides to parent we are going to pay for 6 onths of school so she can learn english. It is so cheap I can't believe it. Like 100 dollrs a month for 40 hours. It would be stupid if we didn't help her. Once she learns english she'll have no problem getting a good job to support her kids. The american girl is open to letting her stay as long as she needs. If she wants us to adopt then we'll fly back down and get the process started but it will be open. Pictures whenever she wants and we visit there 3 times a year anyway to see hubby's family so she will be able to spend time with carlito. We are going to stay for another week to see her get settled and then fly back to Mass.

I sent an email to the birthmother of my daughter and told her she is welcome any time to our house and we would be willing to travel to PA so that her whole family can visit with Lexi. I'll be ****ed before she is driven to suicide because I was a selfish wench. Cindy Jordan, you left too soon but your life wasn't in vain. Your story and words have made a world of a difference to me. God bless you.

[St.Ives]

snickerdoodle there are many many birthmothers on this forum whos open adoptions have been closd by the adoptve parents. most of them were not driven to suicide.cindys case was rare and tragic. but i still think its wonderful that youve changed youre mind so quikly. i hope you have a wonderful relationship with the birthmother. i hope things work out. good luck.

[Shoshana]

I just wanted to say you are an amazing woman and to give you a big cyber {{{hug}}}.

It is a rare and special person who can truly have the depth of insight you've experienced the past couple of days, and to incorporate that growth into her life in a meaningful way.

I know you'll have much more peace and happiness in your life now.

Thanks for giving humanity a small boost!

[Snickerdoodle45]

Shoshana thank you but I feel like this was coming for a long time. There was so much pain on both sides that something had to give. If I was back home, I would have shutdown and cut of. But since I found this group, I learned that opening up was the best. And being Easter time I had to ask myself, What would Jesus do? Being Christian, or whatever religion you happen to be, you have to ask yourself what would God do? He wouldn't shut out anyone r cause pain. I try to live my life as Jesus would and upon reflection, i hadnot been. So thank you all in this forum for helping me. You are the ones who give a boost to humanity.

[riley6]

I'm in tears right now. I'm so glad that this has opened up to you! You will be blessed by your new feelings! I had this same awakening after "talking" to bmoms and adult adoptees. Our children can only be truely whole when they know ALL their parents. I never want my kids to have to search and wonder 'what if'.

I also know that I am blessed bc I did open my heart to my children's bfamilies. If I had closed them off (as the state demanded I do--I'm a stubborn broad though), I would have been closing off showing my children what it truely means to walk with Christ. God placed my children with the families that HE chose. The state removed the children (with good cause, but still...), but the state could NEVER undo making them a family. Legally, yes, but not in God's eyes. I also believe that God chose us to continue to raise our kids. Our kids are NOT really OURS anyway, they are only on loan to us. If we're all going to end up in Heaven, we'd better learn to get along here on earth. Our kids will be the benefactors of our unselfishness.

[skinnylou]

OMG! ! !

Snickerdoodle I have read this thread without fail. I have felt the burden of pain as it has left you.

What conpassionate people (you and your husband) for assisting the bmom to atleast try to parent.

Your daughter can not help but love you when you show her the compassion for her special needs as you do others.

Very best of luck.

Skinnylou

P.S. Snickerdoodle is my favorite cookie!

[Julie64]

((((((Snickerdoodle)))))) Hug!!!

Absolutely awsome!! I will keep you and your family, and the new baby and his mom and their situation, ALL of you in my prayers. I am so proud of you snickerdoodle!! Julie

[bromanchik]

Originally posted by St.Ives
snickerdoodle there are many many birthmothers on this forum whos open adoptions have been closd by the adoptve parents. most of them were not driven to suicide.cindys case was rare and tragic. but i still think its wonderful that youve changed youre mind so quikly. i hope you have a wonderful relationship with the birthmother. i hope things work out. good luck.

Cindy's case was extreme, but there are many out there who's lives have been changed forever in deep and profound ways by the betrayal of trust. They may not have lost their life, but many have lost a piece of their soul, the ability to truly trust. These are huge losses not easily resolved.

[Julie64]

You are so right, and it is good that you make that point. I have read so many things that have absolutely broken my heart. So many of these ladies have had their heart torn apart and I can't even begin to imagine the full extent of their pain, but I can see by what I read that it is very deep and devestating. It just breaks my heart for them. Julie

[HappyMomAnna]

Snickerdoodle45

I am responding to the comment you made that here online you were surprised by the fact that the responce you recieved from us was so different then that which you recieve at a face-to-face support group....... keep going to your support group as you need these friends in your life and you also need a face-to-face group to be part of....when you returen you might be one of the people who can share what you are learning with your group and not be one who simply smiles and nods when you hear another amom express some of the things that you are starting to understand.....

In person it is much harder to 'say what we are thinking' most people do not want confrontation or negitive expressions in real life--I would imagine there are other amoms in your groups who wished they had the guts to say some of what was said to you here--but, that is sooooo hard to do in person....It is easy to sit at our homes---think about what you have written and respond on our keyborads....

Remember however that when you are part of your group there might be things you hear and know are off track and nodding will only make the person off track think they are doing the right things.....it takes a secure and honest person to point out to another that they are going down a hurtful road--so try in your life to be one who takes aside another and speaks from your own experience--had one of your members in your group quietely taken time to talk with you in confindence you may not have let the support group meeting thinking that you were only feeling the same as everyone else and you may not have suffered such a deep level of crisis in this issue....

I too am so glad to see your change of heart. No it is not ever going to be easy to raise our child understanding they have another--a birthmother--but, all of us who are adoptive mothers will share a part of the child with the birthmother--even if it is only the fact there is a bithmother...we do share these beautiful children.

I am happy that you witnessed breastfeeding and how powerful this experience is....when you hold your baby and feed him remember this powerful experience and there ways that we can emulate it and recive and give our baby the bonding/attachment experience without breastfeeding ourselves.....this is one thing we do miss out on in most cases....hold your baby as if you do have 'working' breasts and allow skin to skin contact if possible while you feed your baby the bottel....you will both come as close as possible to this experience in doing so.

Good wishes with whatever the future holds. It is very sad that some cultures and people can walk away from a woman or a child due to the reasons your newest birthmother has faced--but, it happens and she clearly loves her baby--enough in fact that she wishes to spare this baby the legacy he will carry should he remain with her....if this is her only reason for placing then she loves him beyond what many can even understand....and she wants her child to be raised without this stigma over his head--she is a wonderful birthmother to allow her baby not to suffer and be a reason for the situation he may have been raised in had she kept him....that is love beyond words.