[carynh]

My husband and I just found out that we cannot have children. My husband is up for egg donorship or adoption. I am really struggling with this. I don't understand how I should feel. Right now I am sad, but I want to check out all my options. Any advice?

[mom2alex]

Welcome to the boards. Research both extensively and then follow your heart.

Feel free to pm me if you have questions regarding adoption.

Best wishes.

[Fatcat]

You need to let yourself feel any way you need to feel right now. This is difficult news to get and hard to take in. You probably need to grieve for your fertility before you move on. Meanwhile research all the different ways of becoming a parent and find the one that feels right to you.

I wish you the best.

Fatcat

[Cricket8351]

Hi Carynh,
We were in your shoes last year and it is a tough decision. Our only option was IVF and after much prayer, research, and soul searching we decided adoption was the route for us.

I don't know exactly how you felt when you got the news but I know we felt hopelessness and spent a few months in the "why me/why us" stage. I, for one had to let those questions go because there would never be an answer.

I believe we truly went through each stage of grief. It took awhile for us to get to the acceptance stage but it did come in time.

Give yourself time and you will know what is best for you and your family.

I wish you the very best and please know that if you need to talk there are plenty of folks here that have been in your same spot. I found that my friends and family tried to be supportive but those who have "been there, done that" were the most helpful...for me anyway.

Take care and God Bless,
Cricket

[Anigel]

My background. We've been looking into adoption from the foster care system for about 4 months. I learned Sunday night that some baseball accident has left my DH unable to make babies. Rumor has it, that this problem may be correctable, and I do feel we need to have a sperm count done to be sure.

I have begun to think of this as the world spinning under me, and I'm just waiting for it to stop. Feelings of grief are totally normal. It's okay to mourn not having a child with your eyes and DH's nose. I think it helps to talk about the way your feeling, and have been looking for someone who sortof understands my feelings the unknown. Feel free to pass me a note.

[Scarlet]

We were also in your shoes. We got the news in early Jan, However we saw the writing on the wall a month or so before it was offical. We were told we might concieve through IVF. We had been talking and praying aobut what we would do if this was the case.

No one can tell you how you should feel at a time like this I think we are all different in how we greive and handle this situation. You should however give yourself permission to greive. It is a loss.

You should do your research. Maybe what you should do is sit down with your Hubby and make out a pro's and cons list for each option and just see which one is the best for you and your situation.

If you need some one to talk to please feel free to PM me.

This is a hard time but I just want you to know the is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Laura

[carynh]

Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate having people to talk to.

[Ktates]

Hang in there - You are going through a very difficult time right now - I know I've been there. I think I was just in shock for quite awhile. I'm a very private person so this was something I pretty much kept to myself (other than my husband) which at the time made it a little more difficult I think. It does get easier - One of my coworkers who got married a few weeks after me was pregnant when I found out about our infertility - I couldn't even look at her some days. Some days you are better and then you go to the mall and see everyone with their kids and lose it. But it will get easier - you just need some time to deal with the news and how you feel you can handle it. This is the time you really need the support of your husband too so it's important you try and work through it together.
When you are up to it explore all your options - even the ones you are pretty sure you aren't comfortable with - you don't have anything to lose and when you finally make a decision you will be that much more comfortable and confident in it.
We skipped doing IVF (which we probably wouldn't have had much of a shot at anyway) and we also considered using a donor as well. Just keep talking it though with your husband and you will figure out what's right for you.

[tac417]

Definitely hang in there.....my husband and I knew that we couldn't have children without IVF. Well, we tried it and were not successful. We were told that we would probably have to use an egg donor. We went through a few months of mourning but then started the adoption process. We brought home our dd 9 months after our failed IVF attempt. We couldn't be happier or feel more blessed.

[lisalou]

My husband and I have been trying to conceive for 2 years and found that IVF was our only option to birth a child. That was so devistating and the whole infertility process was painstaking! But now you know your options. The decision is certainly a hard one and everyone that has replied to your question has such good advice. I just thought you should know that you are not alone. We chose adoption but it was something we were open to before we tried to get pregnant. We are at the very beginning of the process. I'm sure which ever path you choose, you won't regret it once you meet your new child.