[megsmom]

Hi,
I'd love to hear if any adoptive parents use a fake last name for their web sites and other birth mom info?
Do birth mom's do this often?
I just lost a dear friend, becasue I doubted them and this is what they were doing, just using a different last name till they knew me better I guess????
Shannon

[londar]

As a bmom I would be appauled if I found out the aparents lied about their names. I think if you don't feel comfortable that you should just leave out your last name until you know the person. I don't think bmoms would lie about their name unles they didn't want to be found later on.

I think that you could lose matches if the bmom found out you lied. Many bparents have to reily on trust enough and worry about wether the adoptions will stay open. They shouldn't worry about wether the aparents initially lied about their last name. Also if you lie at first about your last name how will a bmom know you are telling her the truth about the new last name you teel her???

Londa
BMOM to Sydney Lynn
12-18-02

[HappyMomAnna]

Many Aparents use a 'different' name in public situations during the seacring process. As I am sure if a birthmother were to place an ad or make a website she might be inclined to aslo keep her real info private.

There are way too many risks when we place ourselves on the open market. I am sure that most birthmothers are honest and loving mothers looking for a safe and wonderful adoptive family. However there are risks anytime we put our personal info into the public arena and there actually are some very horrible scams that can and do happen to both adoptive parents and birthmothers.

If people are conducting any activity on the internet or in the public then they should have the right to filter this info. If there is in fact a true relationship develped and the situation were to move beyond casual contact to legally conducting a placement then by all means one would expect that the afamily would disclose thier true identity.

[cathy102]

I have never heard of that question before??? I would always use my name.. I would certainly not give a fake name. That would be too weird to me.. Both of my kids birthparents knows our full names.. If I were a birthmom and someone wouldn't give their full name, there is NO WAY I would want to be match with them...

Cathy

[St.Ives]

i would think you could use your first name only, no last name. i see no reason to lie about your first or last name. lies will no start youre relationshp out on the right foot. just my opinion.

[Missy M]

If I were a birthmom and someone wouldn't give their full name, there is NO WAY I would want to be match with them...
I'd love to hear if any adoptive parents use a fake last name for their web sites [/color][/b]

The key is ON YOUR WEB SITES....I wouldn't use any ID'ing info on the Web...too many psycho's out crusing the Information Super Highway for me to feel comfortable doing that. Surely the 2 parents will meet in a face 2 face and that would be the time to give out contact or personal info. JMO....MissyM

[numbr1dbcksfan]

Not here...but I DO use an alternate last name for most of my web stuff (my dad's last name) but I would never have given the Adoptive parents false info....and I wouldnt expect that they would give me false info.... Then did omit their last name since it was only semi opened...but I later got it off of their email... We did not match on the internet though...I definately protect my identity with strangers in chat rooms by using an alternate last name...

[kara_lf]

i think many adoptive parents keep their last name off birthmother letters, websites and email addresses to protect their privacy...very legitimate...i also think there are many birthmothers that do the same...i dont think it is wrong to protect yourself...once there is a connection and match...then sharing idenifying information can happen...and be done somewhere other than online...

kara...

[amom4life]

Originally posted by Missy M
If I were a birthmom and someone wouldn't give their full name, there is NO WAY I would want to be match with them...
I'd love to hear if any adoptive parents use a fake last name for their web sites [/color]

The key is ON YOUR WEB SITES....I wouldn't use any ID'ing info on the Web...too many psycho's out crusing the Information Super Highway for me to feel comfortable doing that. Surely the 2 parents will meet in a face 2 face and that would be the time to give out contact or personal info. JMO....MissyM [/b]

I completely agree with Missy on this.
Judy

[djb_97]

Hi Shannon -

It's about honesty, you wouldn't be happy if an expectant parent wasn't honset with you. You do need to protect yourself, so I'd just use first names, once you have a meeting and match, both sides can share all their personal info.

Good luck,
Deb