[seeking2adopt]

Has anyone had any experience with this? I did not realize there were such spiteful people out there, like the one who wrote that "Some people really are truly mental -- What causes this? It has to be a side effect of infertility!" after posting a copy of a letter I posted here, written in the midst of our grief after a "failed" adoption.

[3girls1boy]

I have never seen them steal and mock posts, but on accident I have stumbled on their sites. The depth of their anger is incredible. Sorry- it weird to have no control over what happens to your words. Makes me sad that even places you feel safe are not safe.

[amom4life]

Seeking2adopt,
WOW!! So what web site did this??

I know it doesn't make it right or hurt less but try to remember that the people on the anti-adoption sites are very angry and bitter and like to stir up stuff. I'm sorry that it happened at your expense.
HuGs,
Judy

[Sledge]

Don't worry about them, they have a lot of bitterness because most of the ones on those sites feel like life/adoptors screwed them over. Again don't let them bother you.

[Colorbind love]

Wow, so let me get this straight. A mother gives birth and a week later loses her child and no one would question her right to grieve the loss. But because you didn't give birth to him, you don't have a right to grieve his loss? Your pain makes you mental and a side effect of your infertility.

As an adoptive sister, as a BIRTHMOTHER, and as an adoptive mother, I am shocked an appalled.

I try very hard to simply avoid the websites of anti-adoption groups. They annoy the crude out of me and make my blood boil with their venom and hatred.

I am so sorry you were targeted. You have every right to grieve Caleb's return to his birthmother, even as she had a right to change her mind. Her right to change her mind will never change the pain you feel. (((HUGS)))

[Xanny]

I'm sorry--you must feel so violated! The best advice I can give you is to ignore those people, but I'm sure that's hard right now. They're probably just jealous because your little boy has so much love from TWO families, while they feel they have none from any.

You had every mother's worst fear realized--you lost your child. You have every right to your feelings and every right to a safe place to vent. I just wish there was a way to stop people copying our posts without locking out lurkers who have a legitimate reason to check out the forum.

Sticks and stones...


Xanny

[susanlowman]

I am so sorry to hear this happened to you.....I agree with the others, they are rude and you should ignore them. I know is probably easier to say than to do, but I hope you can. Good Luck!

[Opus]

Seeking2adopt,

I've had the opportunity to lurk on a few of those sites, they are scary. They are a small fringe element at best but they make life miserable for any adoptive parent who attempts to take part in their "discussions".

Hang in there, you have your support here at this forum.

[PinkRibbon]

Can someone explain to me what anti-adoption is--you can pm me if you're not comfortable posting. I've never heard of such a thing.

[Opus]

Amy,

There are various anti-adoption groups and forums out there. I think it may be a violation of this site's TOS to mention them by name but if you type in anti adoption in any search engine, you'll find them.

Hope that helps.

[3girls1boy]

Amy
There are bparents, adoptees and aparents, who for whatever reason did not have a positive experience with adoption. Apparently these experiences were so negative that they feel adoption should be outlawed. Some of these are very viscous to aparents, calling them the adopter female and adopter male as opposed to anything having to do with parents. They are also against what they term the adoption industry- who they percieve to only be in it for the money. In doing a paper I have visited some of their websites, and while many of them angered and saddened me, they also opened my eyes. I have always thought open adoption was best, but these sights really made me realize that those of us in good adoption situations must work to try and foster good situations for everyone. There are a lot of bmoms who were promised open adoption and now get very little or no contact about their children. I really think somehow there has got to be a way to balance every one's rights, but at the same time make sure adoption is done in an honorable manner, not just at the time of placement, but always. Plus we should probably all being workin towards open records laws. No matter what the hurt of the people on the site, they have no right to ridicule someone else's pain though.
Lisa

[Anigel]

Oh that's so awful. I am saddened to hear that there are people out there so angry that they would redicule someone elses pain. It's tragic both for you and whom ever did that. To find your post they must have been lurking here. For their anger to be that great they must have experienced horriable pain.

That does not make sealing someone's words and pain okay. There is nothing okay with that. I am so sorry you experience that.

[PinkRibbon]

So anti-adoption is NOT the same as pro-choice?

[echaos]

Nope, Anti-adoption is just that. They feel that all adoptions are bad and hurtful to the child and birth parents and that society is obligated to do everything in their power to keep child and mother together no matter what. Even when the mother is abusive / neglectful, they still feel that the child should not be removed.

[PinkRibbon]

Originally posted by echaos
Nope, Anti-adoption is just that. They feel that all adoptions are bad and hurtful to the child and birth parents and that society is obligated to do everything in their power to keep child and mother together no matter what. Even when the mother is abusive / neglectful, they still feel that the child should not be removed.

Scary stuff . Frightening.