[cindy123456789]

Hi everyone, I don't post here often. I am begining the foster to adoptiong process and am wondering about how others who are partially disabled feel about the process. I have a couple of disabilities, one causes sevre muscle and joint pain, for insatnce toda, I can barely stnad up. It also causes my mind to not be alert at times. I don't drive, so i don't have to worry about that. I might hear a person but not comprehend what they say, or forget where I am, this can happen 20+ times an hour some days. Then, I may go for weeks when I am fine. There are days I am so weak I don't want to move. I know I want to adopt a toddler or older. I am almost afriad my diasbilities will create problems. My husband works ten hour days, so I am not alone. I know a child can also be a good motivation if it is just a slow day. I just am at a crossroads to making the best decesion for myself and a potential child. As much as I want to adopt, I don't want them to suffer through me. However, my problems are not progressive in a regular sense, they should stay pretty static. I may only be thirty, but my body acts like a 70 year old. Does anyone understand this concern?

[HappyMomAnna]

I completely understand your concerns. My cousin is the mother of three and has MS and some days are very difficult for her. I myself fell 6-weeks after our children were placed and ended up needing back surgery--needless to say the first year of thier placment did not go as I envisioned.

Toddelers can be very demanding of our attention. I find myself needing to get up at least 10 times an hour to rescue him or take him of the counters---or away from something....it has been hrribly difficult with a two year old.

I think you do have some valid reasons to be concerned. I think the not being able to respond is perhaps the biggest concern I would have..... Children can get into trouble so fast--chock on something or be out the front door before you even blink...

I am not sure if I were you that I would want the stress of a toddler. I found our five year old while she needs supervision is far less scary! She at least has enough common sense not to stand in the window---or try to eat pennies.... I also found her far me indempendant after my surgery and she was even able to 'help' me now and then.....where as the baby was just pissed at me for not picking him up when he wanted me to.

My surgery and recover would not have been nearly so stressful had the toddeler been older--at least old enough to have some level of awareness.

I might urge you to consider raising your age expectations slightly to aviod some of the near misses that come up in everyday life..... I ended up hurting myslef jumping up to rescue our little guy more then once after surgery and I was terrified to take the pain meds because I was not sure how alert I would be.

You might ask if you can visit the different age groups at a day care center--so you can get an idea of how much attention and energy as well as aletness a certain age group might come with...

Good luck it is great that you are willing to analyze your own limitations because in the end you will be the one who carries the load.....

[macrod]

You might want to ask before accepting a placement who will do the transporting. The bios receive visitation until tpr. We have to transport our fd every week because our agency does not do transportation. CPS told me that on the days that I could not transport to just call them. But I have never done it because my fd does not do well w/strangers. Also, we have Team Meetings, Hearings, required medical testing and the regular dr/dentist visits. Although they say we (foster parents) are not required to attend the court hearings, I always do as I have learned so much about each case and the system. Since ours is a legal risk case the judge always asks to see if we are the adoptive home. I am not trying to discourage you. I myself did not know the amount of time/driving that I would be spending at CPS/court, etc when I became a foster parent. I work full time and have to manuever my time. But God willing, if his plans include us as the Adoptive parents of our fd, we are ready to this again! Good luck with your decision.