[bummeddad]

Wow, I really didn't expect to get flamed. I'll happily drop my membership. BTW, the story is true. I realize it's bizarre and illegal. I was made aware of it a few months ago. I have called the police, but because there's no hard physical evidence and she won't talk to police, there's nothing that can be done. We are getting divorced. But, as you can imagine, I'm devastated. Crushed. Yes, I'm outraged, but I'm also tremendously hurt that the woman I love could do something this horrible. They are "in love." He sees himself as the "other man" who was able to steal my wife. I was just looking for some support. I don't know where to turn to talk to someone who's been through this. Yes, I am seeing a counselor and taking our other kids, too. No, she and the 18 year old aren't seeing one. It's complete animosity between us. Please don't flame me. This is all painful enough as it is. Thanks.

[jewelewis]

I dont think anyone would have "flamed" you had this not seemed so unreal. Is your wife your child adoptive mom or is she his step mom. You said you adopted him at 6 years old. Has he been diagnosed with any mental problems. Your wife obviously has mental problems. This is a very sad situation for all involved.

[HappyMomAnna]

First of all are there any other children in your home?

When did your son trun 18 and how long has this been going on?

And what would you think would happen if you, a man, were involved with your adopted daughter? No one would ask too many questions but the law would fall hard on you!

If the police are not interested please contcat the FBI! If they cannot help you then contact the State. It is unlikely that this STARTED on the day your son turned 18..... incest and child molestations hardly ever has a witness of evediance. If the boy is saying he is 'in love' with his mother (adopted or not) then that is enough!!! Adopted or not there are laws to protect your son....yes, Woody Allen has done this but I believe it cost him a lot of money and any one with one ounce of self respect cannot ignor the sickness of this man now....

I am sorry you feel flamed here--I believe the outrage comes from the idea that you need some kind of proof--if the boy is saying he is 'in love' that is proof enough! If your wife is willing to walk away from your marriage then that is also proof enough....THERE IS RARELY ANY PROOF TO INCEST OR CHILD MOLESTATION.

[mykidsmom1]

Though I am and very concerned about this situation, I can understand the responses that you have received from your first post. We as parents do whatever it takes to protect our children. When they have been wronged by anyone, we come to their rescue. Your wording in your post did send off some flags. Your wife and your son are not having an affair. Your wife has been molesting your son. Whether or not he believes that he is in love with his mother or not is beside the point this behavior on your wife’s part is not expectable. Who cares if she is not willing to talk to authorities, make them talk to her. Have her locked up! I wonder if you would react differently if your son was 10 years old instead of 18 years old. If it were the other way around you would be someone’s pin pal behind bars. Also, you asked if anyone has heard this kind of thing before. Of course we have all heard of this happening! But no one is interested in holding a forum to say where, when and how we have heard about it. What kind of answer did you really want for that question? What you should have asked was…since my wife has been locked up, how does my family start to heal? How do I let my son know that I am not angry with him and it is not his fault and I still love him? How can I keep my ex-wife from having any further contact with our children? These are meaningful questions that I am sure we can constructively comment on. I wish your family well because there is a lot of healing that needs to take place. The first thing is for you to realize is the difference between an affair and child molestation.

I am truly….

Mykidsmom1

[MNelson]

bummeddad -- I would suggest the first step for you would be to stop referring to this as a affair. Whether it's child abuse (if started before 18), incest (if indeed your wife is the adoptive mother), or abuse of influence, it is abuse and should be treated as such.

I'm glad to hear that you are getting counseling, and truly hope that all involved get the help they need. I agree with Anna on the government resources you need to enlist.

[LosTAzNGrrL]

First of all to anyone who did flame this guy we should not be flaming whether you believe this person or not is your own opinion. But this is in the Parent Support forum so that's what it should be, support. If you have something negative to remark about the post don't post or take it to a PM. Anyways, I am so sorry to hear of your situation. But definitely need to see a doctor, maybe something happen when he was younger, or maybe they're just sick sick people, ya know? But you need to rectify this to proper authorities. She should not be taking care of him and now that he is 18 he "may be" able to be legal and make his own decisions but it doesn't mean there sane or right decisions. You need to make this situation right and do what you feel is right. Something isn't correct and needs to be adjusted..Whether it be the wife be removed from the household or you and your son be removed you need to do it now and quickly! Best of luck to you and yours. My prayers are with you.

[Kindreds]

Why is this so strange, Woody Allen essentially did the same thing and is now married to his daughter.

[Opus]

Not to say what Woody Allen did was sordid enough, the young woman was Mia Farrow's daughter, not his. I don't even think he was married to Farrow at the time he had the affair with her daughter but they were all living under the same roof.

bummeddad - while some people questioned the validity of your situation (myself included), I don't think anyone flamed you. In fact, most offered good advice. As mykidsmom1 stated, your post set off some red flags, especially your reference to the situation as an affair. If this woman is your son's adoptive mother, its incest by law. If it happened before his 18th birthday, its also sexual abuse. You can't equate incest and molestation with an affair.

I agree with Anna, don't stop with the local police - contact the State or FBI.

[feelinglost]

Bummeddad,
No one was trying to flame you....you have to understand that we take incest and/or sexual abuse very serious, some of us have lived this, some have adopted kids who have lived this, etc. This was not an affair. It was hard I think for some of us reading your 1st post, because we might have been thinking, "Boy if this were me".... because the 1st post was strange, not alot of information, naturally are backs went up....There are alot of caring people on this forum, that's why you got posts, because they care. It's good you are getting counceling, and the other children to. He (the18 yr old) needs to have counceling also...because yes Woody might have done it, but somewhere on some level your son must know this is wrong, and your wife is just wrong & sick. Agree with some of the other posts, go to the state police or higher if you have to, he's your son. Keep posting, there alot of help on this threads!!!

[lucyjoy]

He most definetely was not only flamed but accused of sick activity. The responses made me angry and the thread was blocked. Noone wants to believe these things can happen and I can only imagine that mans shock and very little shocks me.

[redhedded]

Both my husband and I used to be big WA fans; okay, still love Annie Hall. But. . . the name is off limits in our household. Hi Dad2Two: No, Woody is not Soon Yi's father; Andre Previn is. However, WA essentially raised her as his child throughout his relationship with Mia. So. . . to me, he is her father; well and now her husband.

[Rowan]

Hi

I too was wondering if the original thread was for real - apologies.

If it is indeed for real then - it is a terrible situation for you to be in. You must be so hurt and horrified.

Your wife is the person who should be the responsible adult. she was placed in a position of trust and is taking advantage of it. She must be just a tad crazy to think for a minute it is ok to be doing this with him.

It is very possible that your adopted son was in this situation with her before being 18 - folk can still be prosecuted for past sexual abuse even years after the event occurred.

If you suggest this is a strong possiblity to the authorities then they must take notice. In years to come 'he' will probably regret this and be damaged by it, and see it from a different angle and may even take it to the authorities himself. I know he will seem like the enemy to you right now but he has been severely misguided by her.

good luck

R

[PinkRibbon]

I have no idea whether or not you're for real, but I am highly offended that you're calling the INCEST that is allegedly going on between your wife and son as an affair.
Are you still with your wife?
Do you have any other children?
Have you contacted the authorities?

[lucyjoy]

Maybe the guy's in shock and he's answered that yes, authorities were notified, he's divorcing his wife, and taking his other children and receiving counseling. He's not the guilty party here. He was looking for help and support. I can't imagine even being in his shoes and you want to argue about the way he worded it. How is that helpful?

[MNelson]

I might also add to lucyjoy's post that he has not said that his wife is the adopted child's mother (r.e. the "incest" claim ... in bold ... in big letters). Not that that would make it right, I just think no one should jump to conclusions about what the situation is. Lucy's right -- we should give the benefit of the doubt for this man until proven wrong. He is someone who is looking for support.

And in my earlier post, what I meant was that you should stop considering it an affair .... not referring to it as an affair as I posted. The latter did seem to place a judgment on how you worded it, whereas my true intention was for you to consider viewing it differently (and thereby empowering you).