[Olivias~mom]

Hi

I know this is only my second post, but I am looking for advice from people who have adopted a baby and then were told there was a sib on the way.

Ok here is a little history. My husband and I have been with our county for over three years and after many foster placements we got a call for an infant girl last August. We are finalizing in two weeks.

Ok, so we wait so long and we are just so happy to have her. Ok, now it is last night. I get a call from our daughters worker she needs to come out and see her. No problem. come on out. Well it seems mom is pregnant again and they wanted to know if we would be willing to take the infant. Mom has lost many to the system - she realizes these children do not fit into her life style and just pretty much walks away.

I was so shocked to say the least. They think she is due mid summer.


I am at a loss as well, we never figured this would happen. I think I am still taking it in. I told my hubby when he got home from work last night and he was very happy. He said it was me telling him I was expecting. A nice moment for him.

Then I called my mom and was telling her and she was not so supportive. She said when these kids graduated school I will be 60. I said no I will be 55. Then she goes on to tell me I am old and do not have the energy of someone in their 20's - let me just say ouch! She then tells me of her concerns about me being able to physically take care of them. Running after them and just keeping up....huhh?!?!

My hubby and I think we can handle the second child. I may be 38 but I am healthy. I may not have the most active lifestyle but I can change that. We have the money. I am afraid to ask her what she is really trying to tell me. Is she afraid I just wont have time for her?

Ok the point of my post is taking another infant and my age. Any suggestions, opinions?

[Happy2Bhere]

Hello!
Here's my two cents:
SAY YES YES YES!
We adopted a baby girl (7 1/2 weeks old) in December. My husband is 49, and I am 35. At first, my husband was worried about his age, having two grown adult children, and several grandchildren. But, since Annabelle has been with us, it makes us want to stay healthy, stay fit, be there for her graduation, marriage, etc.
My husband says this time is so much better- more relaxed, financially able, more wise, etc.
We are back on the waiting list HOPING for a baby brother or sister for her- close in age, so she will have someone to grow up with, be close with, and if anything would happen to mom or dad, she would have family there, to support her.
Plus, my sister has three boys, and they all enjoy playing together so much. Built in buddies. My other brother has just one child, who has everything materially he could ask for, but gets bored, and more relies on mom & dad to entertain him.
I grew up with two brothers & two sisters. Sure, there were times I wanted to be an only child (lol) but for the most part, I think every child deserves a sibling.
That's my two cents worth! :-)
You're very fortunate to have such a situation at your fingertips, and can decide either way.
Good luck in whatever you decide!
Keep us posted!
Melissa
PS There are no guarantees about younger parents, as far as health, how long they'll live, etc. Age is only a number :-)

[solspot]

I'm new here too, and definately not an expert, but I do know that 38 isn't old. You shouldn't feel obligated to take this child just because she is your daughter's bsib, but if you do want to parent the new baby - go for it! I think it would be great for both babies. I hope everything works out for ya'll.

Becky

[redhedded]

I have not had this experience, but. . . would not hesitate. Some of the most energetic, fun, and easy going moms I know are over 40; they have confidence and a great sense of peace whether having done it before or being a first time mom. Now there are MANY women who are in their sixties when their children graduate; I don't think anyone notices.

Only you (and your partner) know if this is right for you. We had the agency contact us about another placement before our daughter was 4 months old; we opted not to proceed. However, I can tell you that I would not have even hesitated had this child been biologically related to my daughter.

Good luck on whatever you choose.

[tobeafamily]

Hey - in your hearts, you know you're ready to be a parent again, so I say go for it!

Also, remember 55 isn't that old - people are living to be 110 these days and those people weren't raised with the nutrition, public services and health care you have gotten since birth! So look at it this way - spend the second half of your life (after 55) enjoying your adult children and maybe grandchildren.

:-)

Regina, AMom to Ryan Joshua Thomas

[Olivias~mom]

Wow, thank you for the replys. I just never concidered my age a factor in adopting until now. I am really looking forward to what may happen. I would not hesitate to take the infant. I already have all the equipment and I have tons more love to share!

[3inCO]

Speaking as someone who will turn 38 next month, it is not old!!!!!When we adopted our third I was 36 and my dad said, I don't know..... you are not getting any younger. Pretty ironic since they were 38 and 42 when I was born. I really think that our parents generation sees aging in a much different way than we do. People are living a lot longer, taking better care of themslelves are better informed and are staying active and healthy as a choice. Many women have their first child in their thiries and fories now. In my son's second grade class I am about in the middle age wise for the parents. A few are youger but quite a few are in there fories and even fifties. I say don't sweat it. If you want to parent this baby go for it and do it joyfully!

Becky

[lisa in venice]

38 old???!!! Then I was ancient when we adopted our new baby (I was 2 months from turning 42). I think it is an amazing opportunity for everyone involed. Remember 55 ain't what it used to be. I look at my parents at 61 and 65: my mom does yoga every day and my dad rollerblades and plays bball. My inlaws climb mountains!

lisa (another spring chicken)

[djb_97]

Hi -

I say if you want more kids, go for it! Keep us posted.

Hugs,
Deb

[georgiagirl]

My friend has her first and only child at 38. Many single women adopt at that age or older.

While your family's opinions are important, you must do what is best for your family.

[Dianna]

Oh my, Mom's really don't pull any punches do they? We just adopted our youngest when he was 11 months old and we were 42 and 48. We had adopted before at 32 and 38. It has been 10 years and everything is great. Our oldest will be 18 in 6 more years and we have been very active and able to parent him in every way. He just recently (within the past 2 years) became able to outrun me. I never even considered my age a factor until the third adoption and I just put it down anyway and it was fine with everyone. In truth we are better parents this last time parenting. We are much less worried about anything and things just seem to flow along rather smoothly. Just remember age is your Mom's concern not yours.

[Dianna]

Oh my, Mom's really don't pull any punches do they? We just adopted our youngest when he was 11 months old and we were 42 and 48. We had adopted before at 32 and 38. It has been 10 years and everything is great. Our oldest will be 18 in 6 more years and we have been very active and able to parent him in every way. He just recently (within the past 2 years) became able to outrun me. I never even considered my age a factor until the third adoption and I just put it down anyway and it was fine with everyone. In truth we are better parents this last time parenting. We are much less worried about anything and things just seem to flow along rather smoothly. Just remember age is your Mom's concern not yours.

[amom4life]

I'm 45 and Dh is 44 and our youngest son just turned 7 weeks!

No one in our lives has said anything about age but if they did I'd remind them that no one has a guarentee on how many days they have on this earth or quality of health. Young or older.

We feel young and plan to keep doing the things that keep us that way.

If we were in your shoes I know we'd say yes!
Judy

[bromanchik]

Originally posted by Olivias~mom
I am afraid to ask her what she is really trying to tell me. Is she afraid I just wont have time for her?

Bingo!!! When someone is unsupportive of our personal decisions it usually is because they are afraid of how it will impact them. Maybe she is afraid she will be too old to be the kind of grandma she envisions herself to be. How old will she be when they graduate from high school?

[jewelewis]

If you want another infant GO FOR IT!!! I praying we can adopt again shortly after we adopt our little one in August. It would be great to have sibiling close to the same age. We have a bio daughter who is 7 years old. I would not only say YES I would be jumping for joy at that opportunity. Dont worry about what your mom says you know what you and dh can handle. Keep us posted on what you decide.
Julie