[luving_them]

Hello.
My agency informed me the other day I forgot to send my 4 recomendation letters. I have the 4 peope picked out and they are more than happy to write them, but what should they basically say. They all asked me that and I told them to write how they feel I am a a person, parent and friend to them. I have no idea! Any advice???
Brandy

[CeraDad]

Sounds like the perfect recommendation letter to me. Our letter writers put down how we act and how, for the most part, responsible we are. I don't think they are looking for people to say you are perfect, there is no such thing. Simply put into words how they feel about you and hopefully that they think you would be great with a child of your own.

Good luck.

[Cricket8351]

Hi Brandy,
I am surprised that your agency wants letters instead of having a form with questions etc. Just as you state...no one knows what to write!

Anyway, here's my thoughts:

Your letter of reference should include:

the nature of your relationship (friend, co-worker, neighbor, etc.), how long you have known the person,
whether or not they have seen you interact with children...you're own and/or other's,
describe your personality, your husband's, your children if applicable,
If you have children...parenting styles, discipline if they have witnessed you correcting your own children,
A statement of whether or not they would allow you to watch their children...
Anything they think that would be important to know about you as a person or family...
How do they think an adopted child would fit in to your family? How do they think your children will feel if applicable?

These are ideas and should not be limited but just to give you some suggestions to give the folks who have agreed to be references for you.

Good luck to you and your family! Hope that helps.

T

[shirleyh]

I have done both, written a letter of recommendation and also had some done for us.

The letter I wrote for a friend of mine simply stated how long I had known her, how she handles different situations and what kind of values she had.

The recommendations that were done for us were much easier because they were an actual form with questions.

Some of the questions were:
How long have you known them?
What type of relationship do you have w/them (friend, relative, professional)?
Have you seen them with other children and how did they treat them?
What experience do they have with children?
What type of parents do you think they will be?
How do you think they will discipline their children?
What type of values and priorities have you witnessed in them?

These may give you something to work with for now.
LOL!!

[MNelson]

When we did the homestudy, the sw gave us similar guidelines to those posted above. When we signed up with an agency, there were more specific requirements, so we had to go back to our references and ask them to adjust their letters to include if they knew 1) of any problems with drugs or alcohol, 2) of any problems with sex (yikes!), or 3) any reason why we shouldn't be parents. Another thing was how we (as a couple) address problems or stressful situations.

One friend of ours got so frustrated with the additional probing questions that after she answered them she wrote, "Frankly you'd be crazy not to place children with them!"

If your agency didn't ask for any specifics, I wouldn't have them go out on a limb to provide them.

[spaypets]

Our agency asked also that our references state how we handled conflict.

[luving_them]

Wow. Those are all great ideas. THanks you guys. THat really helped me out. At least I hae an idea of what to tell everyone now. The agency just said to have them write whatever comes to mind. That wasn't specific enough for me, so I just emailed my SW with what you all told me and she is thrilled with the ideas!
Thanks again!
Brandy