[alicia hunter]

What is everyone's view on children defending themselves? I was always the kid that wouldn't hit back so I told my daughter that it was ok to fight back. Well, this week it happened she got in a boxing match with a BOY. I was fine with it, but got the impression that her teacher was a little upset that she defended herself. Any opinions??

[CeraDad]

I was always told never, ever to start a fight. However, if someone was "dumb" enough to start one with me, I better d*mn well finish it. Defending oneself is only right. If you teach someone to never stand up for themselves, they won't learn until it may be too late. Good advice and it's good to see a girl stick up to a boy. The other thing is boys need to be taught early on that it is never ok to hit a girl unless it is for self-defense. And even then, only to subdue, never to do harm.

IMHO you should confront the teacher and let him/her know your feelings on this.

[cindy123456789]

Definately teach her to defend herself, even against boys. Any teacher who is against that does not need to be teaching. Girls who will not defend themsleves end up used, abused, and with no slef-esteem and self-worth. Learning to fend for herself now is a good thing. She will be a stronger adult. If more girls were taught to defend themselfs, fewer young teens would be pregnant, fewer young girls would be kidnapped and raped. Protect her by teaching her to protect herself.

[Mom2J]

My 12-year old daughter is one of the girls that does stick-up for herself. (Actually, she marches to her own drummer and is very proud of that.)

We taught her that she'd be in BIG trouble if she ever started a fight, but she had our permission to finish it.

You would not have believed how shocked we were to get called into the teachers office for "fighting". Well, it turned out, there was a bully that had been wreaking havoc on the kids for several years at this school. (The parents didn't think there was a problem and never addressed the issue with this boy. The teacher was at her wits end with this child and his parents.) Our daughter stood up to this child and the teacher "turned her back" so she wouldn't "see" our daughter fight back.

The father of this child was also called in. (He was complaining that some child bullied his son and made his child cry.) When the teacher had enough of the dad, she called both children in and you should have seen the look on this dad's face. Not only was our child several inches smaller, but petite compared to his, and also a girl. I told the man, if his son continued with his bullying, my daughter would continue to put him in his place. He left without saying a word.

We were told officially, "the school did not condone violence or fighting in any way, shape or manner" but the teacher said off of the record, "thank you for allowing your daughter to stick up for herself and fight back. This kid has been a terror and there's been nothing anyone could do to stop it, despite the complaints." The "bully" didn't bother our daughter or anyone in the class for the rest of the time she was in that school.

You know, sometimes kids really need to stand up to other children to show these kids you can't be a bully. There are some schools that it's an automatic suspension for fighting, no matter who started it. Our daughter knows that if she does defend herself, I will go to the mat for her anyday. She nor any child should have to take being punched or kicked until a teacher sees it, just so only one child can get in trouble. If they don't fight back, they're sending the message, they'll be allowed to be walked on for their entire life. The kids should also be taught that if another child is getting beaten up, it's okay to step in and defend them.

[Shai's Mom]

How many women throughout the ages have been beaten and abused because they didn't know that they could/should fight back?

I think it's good that your little girl defends herself when attacked. Hopefully the little boy will now get off her case!

More power to her!

[Shai's Mom]

How many women throughout the ages have been beaten and abused because they didn't know that they could/should fight back?

I think it's good that your little girl defends herself when attacked. Hopefully the little boy will now get off her case!

More power to her!

I understand your kids are younger but I have an 18 year old boy that was challenged this week end. Mind you he is not a fighter...has never been in a fight. He did not want to fight but the postering was something else. "Nobody is going to insult me like that....Mom...I can't be challenged and not stand up for myself" ect. "What do you know...your from the fifties", actually I am from the seventies....I did finally convince him on how stupid it was...they were friends for heavans sakes! My fears are that it not just about punching anymore, even though I live in the suburbs knifes and guns are readly available. Things are much more exteme today...it might not be just a black eye....

I have been trying to teach them all to try to get away from as fight as best you can, diffuse the situation as best you can, But if they throw the first punch you CANNOT just stand there and take it.....fight back! Then get the hell atta there!

I have my kids in a good karate school just so they can learn to diffuse but defend if need be.

The high schools suspend kids no matter who at fault..even if they are defending thenselves.

[stacyone]

My daughter is only 22 months old, but I'm already planning on enrolling her in self-defense classes at the earliest opportunity. Right now we're just focusing on "no hitting", but you better believe that I want her to know how to take someone down if s/he EVER lays a hand on her.

[Xanny]

There are ways to stand up for yourself other than responding to violence with violence. Are you suggesting that Ghandi and Martin Luther King, Jr. didn't stand up for themselves?

By all means, teach your children to stand up for what they believe in and that they do not have to do something just because someone else tells them to (like have sex or do drugs). But that does NOT mean they have the right to touch another person, even if that person hits them first.

In my classroom, hitting is NEVER okay. I don't ask who hit first, because I don't care. If someone hits you and you hit them back, don't they have the right to hit you again? Where does it stop?

It is not okay to touch someone who doesn't want to be touched. It's called assault and battery, and it's illegal. Period.

[cj416]

I tell my 8 year old boy all the time:
"if some one hits or kicks you fight back, or you will be pushed around your whole life. NEVER hit first. I don't care how mad someone makes you, never strike out..It is best to walk away before it leads to hitting. The only time to strike is in defense."
If that makes me a bad mom, then I guess I am one, but I refuse to have my kids be pushed around. I teach them to stand up for themselves.

xanny,

I usually agree with the no hit rule also.....5thats why the karate class..to teach them to diffuse. But as they get older the stakes are highter. They need to defend themselves or get pummled. I wish my kids could be gandi...but the reality is It is not realistic to stand there and allow someone to hit you because you have been taught to not fight. Karate again teaches to block , walk waway if possible ect. Granted it has to be the right school, some may be too gun ho but.....you have to defend yourself!!

I hate fighting, I hate violence but I would hate it more if my child was hurt or killed because he didn't defend himself.

[Xanny]

And what if he hurts or kills someone in the process of defending himself?

Problems don't get solved by fighting. They get solved with words. I respect teaching children karate, if it is done correctly as you describe, because the emphasis is on avoiding a fight whenever possible. Also, because it is easier to walk away from a fight that you know how to win, because you can walk away without fear.

What do you tell your child to do if someone much larger picks on them? I think more people get hurt or killed while fighting than from walking away from a fight.

--Xanny

Xanny...I could't agree more...thats my point. But if someone will not listen if kids have been brought up to fight...the situation I described above with my son is a perfect example...the kid that wanted to "fight" him came from a family where the father was in many bar fights it was considered acceptable! My son was able to talk him out of fighting...actually he didn't show up for the fight. He called the kid and told him it was stupid..."You can call me a wimp(actually a different word was used), but I will not fight you....we are supossed to be good friends" I respected my son for that and told him so. But...what if this kid decides that he is going to "get him" anyway...your talking teen age boys, testosterone is rampant, reason is not always in the forefront. Would't it be nice if we all brought up our kids not to fight,,but that is not the case...They have to defend themselves...ot get very hurt or worse. Its a scary world out there now.

In my family the rule is keep hands and feet to yourself...I don't care who started it...you will all be punished....it works in my house but it is not so real out there!

[jewelewis]

When I was in the 7th grade I had a girl in my class who talked about me and picked on me all the time (over a boy). Any way, one day after school she pushed me from behind. I walked away she pushed me again. I slowly put my books down and turned around facing her and let her have it. I tried to walk away that didnt work. I wasnt going to let someone push me around twice. My daughter knows that she is NEVER to start a fight. My husband and I have told her that if anyone ever hits her (espeically a boy) it is ok to defend herself. She knows that if she is defending herself she wont be in trouble at home

[KENNA'SMOM]

Are you telling me that if my daughter is in your class and a boy is constantly bullying her and you don't see it she is just suppose to walk away? What if he follows her around, what if she walks away now but 20 minutes later he is back? If she tells you then she is marked as a "tattler" and teachers don't like that either. Its her word against his. What if 6 years down the road that "bullying" turns to something much more sinister. After all, he thinks, she let me get away with pinching her and hitting her when we were in 1st grade she won't stop me if I touch her there or grope her or whatever.

Whats to stop this kid from telling his friends, "hey, see that girl over there? I spent the last 6 yrs hitting her and pinching her and tripping her and she never did anything, she never told anyone or hit me back. I bet if we got her alone behind the gym we could..."

Maybe I am being far fetched here but by stating that a child can never defend themselves isn't this quite likely the senerio that we see? I see it all the time on the news!

We had a young boy here that was beaten to death by another kid on the shcool grounds during school hours with a circle of kids standing around!!!! By the time the Principal got to the scene the kid was out and died on the way to the hospital. The story was that the kid who took the beating was an honor student, never got in fights always walked away. The other kid had been "picking" on him for a long time. The kids that witnessed the whole thing stated that the dead boy never raised a hand to defend himself...his parents got to bury him right before Christmas.

I agree, violence is always a last resort. I will never condone/allow a child of mine to start a fight and I will teach to try and walk away, don't egg anyone on, do everything in your power to keep the situation from escalating into a fight but...never lay there or stand there and let someone beat you up!!!

Now, this is all said in the spirit of a good debate please everyone, that is how it was meant and it is my opinion only...not trying to sway just stating my thoughts.