[NadaMama]

Just days before our placement date, the 8-day old baby girl we're adopting got very sick. She has a very serious bacterial infection and they've got her on antibiotics and IV. Right now they're estimating that she'll be in the hospital for another 21 days, but she is responding very well to treatment, thank God!

Her foster mom, who has been caring for her since birth, has really been a godsend. Even though she has her own family of five, she has hardly left our baby's side since she was admitted at the hospital and she is making sure that she gets the very best care possible. And if it hadn't been for her good judgement & quick thinking, our baby's infection could have caused permanent damage.

This woman is just incredible. She is giving our baby so much love and compassion yet she is totally willing to fade into the background whenever we come to visit. Throughout this experience she has encouraged us at every opportunity to bond with our baby and has been coaching us through all our first-time parenting experiences, giving us advice and observations about our baby's particular habits.

So my question to you all is this.. how can we possibly thank this woman and her family for everything they has done for us and our baby? Before the baby got sick, we'd planned to get her a nice bouquet of flowers but she really deserves so much more. I'd be open to any suggestions!

Thanks!

[cindy123456789]

I hope to be a foster mom soon, so it is encouraging to hear adoptive parents talking about foster parents in a positive light. My suggestion: Pictures of your child with you and any other family members. Update pictures and emails occasionally for a month or so after she is out of the woods so to speak. Maybe a memory lock of hair?? Have fun, you'll come up with something that she likes. Find her interest to. I am happy for you.

[cathy102]

I would write and send pictures of the baby often. That would make her feel good and know that you appreciated all that she did for the little one. Maybe yearly visits, so she can see how the child is doing.

Maybe even a piece of jewelry. That is always a nice gift to get someone.

Congrats on becoming a parent. You will enjoy it VERY much!!

Cathy

[redhedded]

Thanks for sharing that special story. I agree with Cathy about keeping her updated with occasional photos.

What about a gift certificate for a nice dinner for her and her family? Or a gift card to her local bookstore?

I am glad that your daughter is doing well; hopefully she will be home with you soon.

[mckenna]

i am a foster mom and i agree that photo albulm and picture up dates would be a wonderful gift. depending on the ages of her kids a gift cert for night out with her husband or maybe just a gift cert to have pizza delivered. sometimes it is just nice to have dinner ready for you (that you did not have to cook)! it is great you are thinking about the fmom so much.

[crick]

Youv'e got some great suggestions so far. Especially like the gift cert. idea for dinner out. As a mom of 4, I know how expensive it can be to take the whole family out.

You might also consider a nice gift basket made up of bath items, or gourmet treats, coffees etc. Something that you can personalize for her.

The updates and pictures for the future is a great one too. I send my kid's foster parents updates etc. about 3 times a year. They are a wonderful family and made a huge impact on our kids.

Congrats!
Crick

[Creativemom]

Movie or Sporting Event Tickets for the Family also!

[wanttobeparents]

The foster mother for my first son was wonderful! She was available to us for questions about his care, and she taught us how to care for the feeding tube, brace and other special things. She has become part of our family now, and when our second son was born, she asked to be the foster mother to him.

We have always sent pictures and emailed updates. She loves it and says she has more pictures of our boys than she does of her own grandchildren. We gave her a painting that I did back in my days of leisure before the boys came, and when the second son arrived, we gave her tickets to a musical that we were supposed to go to the day we brought him home. We decided that we had other things to do that night!

Peggy

[OllieT]

YOU CAN THANK HER BY ALLOWING HER TO CONTINUE BEING IN THE BABY'S LIFE. THE HARDEST THING FOR FOSTER PARENTS TO DO IS TAKE CRE OF A CHILD AND THEN BE PUSHED AWAY AFTER THE CHILD GETS ADOPTED. IT IS VERY HARD FOR US. EVEN THOUGH WE'RE HAPPY THAT THE CHILDREN ARE GETTING ADOPTED AND PRECIOUS FAMILIES ARE BEING FORMED, WE AS FOSTER PARENTS HAVE STEPPED IN TO FILL THE VOID. I AM SO VERY HAPPY ABOUT THE WAY YOU FEEL TOWARD HER. YOU ARE VERY SPECIAL PEOPLE, EMBRACE HER, LOVE HER AS IF SHE WERE A PART OF YOUR BLOOD FAMILY. CONGRATS ON YOUR NEW FAMILY AND GOD BLESS YOU.

[JoanneFromNYC]

My children's foster mother was also very good to them. I adopted siblings and she enabled them to stay together in her home throughout the years they were in foster care.
We stay in contact with her and that is the best gift you can give her.
Good luck!!

[MamaJem]

Staying in contact and not diminishing the importance of the foster family's role are the best gifts you can give.

Goodies are nice too. There have been many listed that might stirke you as comfortable for you. I would try one of those. This might sound silly but I was thinking of a really nice fruit basket for the foster family of our future child(ren). Any opinions on that?

What I wish I had now was an agreement with the aparents deciding when and how to make contact. *sigh* That would be a very good present.

[DianeS]

Don't forget to let her know how important - not just how appreciated - she is to you and your child. She not only cared for her, but laid much of the basis for her future ability to trust, learn, and grow.

Flowers would be wonderful. So would a "treat" like a dinner out or dinner for the family delivered. Future updates about the child, or a photograph of the child would also be appreciated. I know a foster parent on a different bulletin board who is absolutely ecstatic about an update she just received about a baby who was adopted 10 months ago!

But something more lasting would include honoring the foster family in the child's baby book. Everyone honors the adoptive family - every family portrait shows that. Most people honor the child's heritage. Some people even honor the child's birth family as a way of affirming the child. But if you find a way to honor the foster family's contribution in forming your child, it would be amazing.

Get a photograph of the foster parents (or whole family) with the child you are adopting, and keep it. Mention the child's illness in her baby book, along with the fact that she was loved by this family, and the hours and effort they put forward to show her their love and care. I'm sure you can think of other things to include - the blanket they bought for her, the child's first night's sleep outside the hospital, etc. Then photocopy the pages and send them along with whatever "purchased" token of appreciation you choose. I'm sure such a lasting memento would be greatly appreciated and very affirming of what they do.

[paperchasingmom]

Just wanted to first say that we will keep your precious little one and your family and the foster mom in our prayers....I too know how difficult it is to be in your situation....exactly.....

Our baby we're hoping to adopt, was just hospitalized for two weeks in her country of birth and then developed complications from the first serious sickness and then got pneumonia on top of that and we were frantic with fear--so sad we couldn't be there with her to see her and comfort her....and she too has an AWESOME foster mom/nanny that loves her with all her heart and takes care of her like she's her own daughter....all knowing that soon enough she will lovingly, God willing, be handing over this precious baby she has cared for all this time, handing her over to us to raise....

My suggestion for the gift to get the foster mom is what my mother in law gave me for christmas--a beautiful gold necklace with a gold, flat "charm" sorta of an outline of a little girls side profile....and we are getting the back of it engraved with our daughters name on it....

So even though I don't have my daughter in my arms yet, she's in my heart and on a necklace with this beautiful gold design of a little girls profile....it looks kinda like what they draw when they draw your child side portrait--it's basically an outline--the gold is cut around the profile....I hope I'm explaining this correctly...

I think your foster mom would love to wear that even if the engraved charm is on an inexpensive bracelet....she then will have that charm to keep forever and ever and ever of that precious baby she so loves now....

I love mine and I think your foster mom would think it's a beautiful remembrance of your baby that she so selflessly cared for and loved as her own.....

Blessings to you and your family!!!!

Melody