[jewelewis]

My husband and I have been activly looking into adoption. A friend met someone ( a friend of a friend kind of thing) who is pregnant and want to give it up for adoption. My husband and I took her to dinner last night and I feel like things went very good. My question is this...She is not going to tell the bdad about the pregnancy. He is in prison and they have no contact or mutual friends. I am afraid that if I push the issue she will turn to other options. I dont want to let this oppurtunity pass me by but she is NOT going to tell him. She says he will never know about the baby. But I have seen too many Lifetime movies to never say never. Is there anyway to get around her not having to tell him legally where he cant come back in 5years and say he wants the baby. Please any info would be great. Thank You

[Shai's Mom]

Before anything go to an adoption lawyer and get some concrete legal advice.. So you will know exactly what kind of risks you're going to face. You're right to be cautious..

Good Luck!

[bumpkin]

I agree with Shai's Mom - if you speak to an attorney well versed in adoption law he/she can let you know what risks you are taking and also may be able to put the potential bmom in touch with a attorney or counselor that can help her work through her fears... She is not the first person to be in this situation. Perhaps she can get "comfortable" with how the legal part will play out.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Bumpkin

[cyndi1969]

I worked for a lawyer who did adoptions, and you really need to have that father sign away parental rights - however, you may (depending on where you live) handle it after the mother has signed away her's. Is he going to be on the birth certificate? That will make a difference!

Good Luck!

[jewelewis]

no he isnt going to be on the birth cert. She is saying she doesnt know who the father is but confided in me the truth. Thank you for the replies

[GreenThumb]

Hi jewelewis,

I agree that you need to see an attorney ASAP to get the facts.

Things seem to vary greatly by state. For example, in Indiana where I live, we have a Putative Father Registry. Men who may have fathered children out of wedlock are required to register if they desire rights to their children. Even if they were not named by the mother. The registry is checked after the baby is born and on the 30th day after birth. If the man hasn't registered by that time, his rights are automatically terminated and the mother is free to choose adoption if that's what she wants. He cannot come back at some later time and claim rights or that he didn't know. Of course it's best if the man is named and signs papers himself, but this is a safeguard against disrupted adoptions later on.

I think it's good for everyone in the triad, because dads have a chance to exercise their rights, expectant moms know early on what the dad is going to do, and babies get securely settled in their homes with parents who are also secure to bond.

[Brat]

GreenThumb,

Just out of curiosity, where is the baby during the 30-day period? You said that the pbmom is free to choose adoption after those 30 days pass, and you also stated that the parents are free to bond w/the baby. Does the baby get placed with them *after* 30 days?

Just a little confused...

[taggrr2]

Definitely speak with an attorney. I think it would be important to let pbmom consider several things.

1. If she doesn't tell him and "never say never" happens it could disrupt the plan she had in mind. By telling him, she could be protecting the baby.
2. Does she believe that he will try to parent this child? Once he understands his obligations by not surrendering rights he may decide to place as well.
3. I think a judge would look more favorably on a stable two parent household in this situation.

I think you need to evaluate as well if it might be okay to let this situation pass or whether you are willing to accept the risks.

Much luck!

[jewelewis]

Thank you all for your replies. i am going to speak with an attorney on Monday. Ill let you all know what she says. Thanks again