[Waiting in SC]

I wanted to post this twice to see if I get more responses....thanks!

This is my first post and will be long. I'm so upset and frustrated with this process. It has been one year almost to date a few weeks over actually since we filed our application for adoption through our state's Dept of Social Services. It took them from January 2003 - August 2003 to get all the paperwork filed and our homestudy turned in. We were approved immidiately and have been on hold ever since. I guess I should say why we decided to apply to begin with. We are both 24 and have no biological children (yet). I met a beautiful 4 year old little girl last January and the moment I laid eyes on her I just knew I was looking at my daughter (I met her and her foster mother through the hospital I was working at - she had come in for surgery and I already knew she was a foster child b/c of her paperwork even before they actually came in). The day after we got and turned in the first part of our application through DSS. We waited and took classes and had meetings, referrals, the home study, etc. and were approved by August of 2003.
They told us this would be a "quicker" process since we already knew the child and by this time she was 5. I need to say that she also has two older brothers (12, and 9) but the state is undecided on if they will separate them or not. Due to our family circumstances (financial and mine and my husbands age) we both agreed that we would not be able to take all three children. I also need to say that they have been in foster homes separately for three years and according to the foster mother of the little girl the boys don't show much affection for her during the times they have had visitations.
In November they kids had an evaluation to see how they interacted with each other and upon receiving that evaluation DSS will take our cases to committee (for the third time) to see if she can be placed with us. I have been told it is very unusual for a child to go to committee even more than once...but we are going on three. It is now the middle of January one year later and DSS still has not recieved this evaluation from the Dr. and has not set another date for the committee to meet on our cases. "Our" little girl is now going to have her 6th birthday and we will not be apart of it. I pray daily for our situation and for the will of God to be done. But I am going over the situation in my head - over and over and over. I'm to the point of losing sleep not eating well and am mostly distraught over this. I feel as though DSS is dragging their feet on this matter. I have contemplated writing our state representatives in search of some help. It was a suggestion made by a family member actually. I don't know what I would say in a letter but I am feeling so helpless and alone.
My husband is very supportive but the more time goes on I am fighting feelings of near depression over this. I do not feel like I can talk to our case worker because I'm afraid I will appear to be just nuts over this. I'm sorry for the long post but I really needed to vent my feelings and let my heart pour. If anyone has any advice for me PLEASE send it. I'm open for anything. Especially from parents that have gone through social services before. There has to be a light at the end of the tunnel and soon on this. I am comforted by my faith but sometimes I need more. HELP!!

[Support2Adopt]

I haven't been in your shoes, but just wanted to offer hugs and support to you.
JJ

[bumpkin]

I too have not been in your shoes. Sometimes I consider adopting through the state and think of these posts and become frightened that it will never happen. I know others have suggested going to the supervisor above your worker. It must be so frustrating, so many children needing homes and the bureacracy seeming to get in the way. Follow your heart, sounds like you are at the end of the tunnel. HUGSSSSSS

[riley6]

We're adopting through the state. I have a few questions for you. Has the termination of parental rights happened? If it has, the child is considered a legal orphan and ANYONE can file a petition for adoption. What state are you in? In some states, after the petition for adoption has been filed with the courts, the judge orders an adoptive homestudy to be performed. Some states limit the time in which DCFS has to finish the hs. After that, the hs goes to the state capitol for the STATE DCFS to approve it. Here there's a mandatory 21 day waiting period. Then the state approval goes to the judge to sign the final order of adoption.

The petition for adoption has to go through a lawyer. Do you have one? What have they said about this? What reason has the sw given you for having this drag on for so long? Has the fm that has the child said that she wants you to adopt her? She may or may not have a lot of say in it if she's had the child for a long time. DCFS sometimes will take the fp's opinions into consideration.

It sounds to me like DCFS is waiting on the judge to order whether to split the kids or not. Is that right.

I know I have a lot of questions, but your case doesn't sound like it's a simple black and white situation.

[LotAkids]

We adopted four kids through the state and YES, DO call the CW and DO ask her what the hold up is.
CWs are busy and overloaded and in the world of state adoptions, the squeaky wheel DOES get the grease. If this child is legally free, and I assume she is since she has already gone to committee a few times, then I don't see what the hold up is, except if they are hesitant to permanently seperate the siblings. Keep calling the CW and stay on it.
If you really feel that she is your daughter, then wouldn't you want to be fighting for her?
Go for it.
Liz

[HappyMomAnna]

Always feel free to ask questions of the caseworker or whomever you can. In fact, your concern might be seen as an asset rather then 'being nuts' after all as a parent there will be many times in life where you must press for answers and information--not asking is a sign of waekness rather then a sign of tolerance.

It does sound like things are held up due to a sibling split and you may not be the only family with interest in this child. So call and ask whatever questions that you need an answer for!

[Waiting in SC]

Yes the child is legally free. The FM has had her for about 3 and a half years and she has been pushing us to get her. I do not know what a petition for adoption is....we have not heard of that before. Our CW has explained the rest of our wait (that started in November) is due to them having to wait for the psych eval from the dr. to get to the child's CW. As soon as they receive it they will schedule committee to determine whether or not she and the other siblings will stay together. They did not say a judge had to order that. I will ask about that though. And if they are separated will they place her with us. I do know that "squeaky wheel gets greased" that just makes me want to camp out on the door step. or at least call every single day. Maybe I should. As far as having a lawyer they said that we would not need one until the finalization after placement and that we would pay for that but they would provide one. But I think tomorrow morning I will go ahead and call one myself and see what they say. Thanks for all of the advice if you think of anything else please let me know!

[Waiting in SC]

By the way....as for fighting for her. OMG if they told me at this point to cut off my arm and I could have her I would. We both will do whatever it takes for how ever long it takes. We will not give up. I also can't put my life on hold so if we have other children while waiting then great. But as far as considering another adoption we will not. I love her and will not back down I'm just wondering what else I can do. I know the state isn't going to tell me what I need to do that's for sure. But I will always fight for her.

[Erik Vasa]

Waiting...

I agree with what others are saying. Splitting up siblings is sometimes the right answer, but requires more scrutiny before making a final decision. A call to your caseworker should quickly answer that question, and help you through this 'bump in the road'. It will also help allay any fear that your fitness is somehow the issue.

We adopted two older abused children, who are now adults, and are currently raising two of our eleven grandchildren (one of whom we've adopted). Working with state adoption systems requires the patience of Job. It helps to remember that caseworkers are doing their best to serve the child's interest, and are required to jump through many hoops before recommending an adoptive family. They have to tell the same story many times to many different decision-makers, and have many cases they're administering simultaneously.

Since you mentioned praying that God's will be done, I must say that our family has relied on prayer for every step in all our adoptive experiences and feel it is the most important aspect. We love the passage from Psalms 68, "God sets the solitary in families." Press on.

[keepingfaith]

I'm SO sorry to hear you're going through this!!! We live in Myrtle Beach and our DSS has been horrible about placements, ect.
However, I must admit they're getting better about their fostercare program.

We've been "waiting" for 3 years! We have had 2 failed adoptions... both placements WE initiated, one child was from another state, the other the bio father decided to parent at the last minute. We were blessed though with our daughter in March of 2002. She'd been at MUSC for the first 9 months of her life due to several major medical issues. She came to us through a friend that was a nurse that helped care for her...... she had been our son's nurse there as well when he was born. From there they all knew we'd taken a few babes home from the NICU for fostercare... we knew these wouldn't be situations for adoption. They knew we were looking to adopt so told her cw about us... she was also from another county.. not ours. Sadly, our princess passed away Feb 2003.

I get SO mad at our DSS ... we KNOW there are children out there.. even though we would like to have a child ages birth-3 we've been open to race, an array of special needs, ect but STILL have NEVER had a call in the 3 years that we've been waiting. We've given up now finally on the state and although we really can't afford it we're pursuing domestic and international adoption.

Are you also fosterparents? Sometimes the child can be placed with you while waiting. Ask your caseworker about this. OR sometimes they will place with the family because TPR has been done and they know adoption is the plan. I'd also be calling them atleast once a week asking what's going on... I'd call the little girls caseworker directly!!!!

If you'd like to chat more please feel free to pm me... I'd love to know where you are in SC.

Take Care & I wish you luck!
Sheri