[bashfulmama]

Hello! This is my first post here. My husband and I have been talking about adoption. We have 3 biological kiddos ourself (ages 6, 5 and 2.5). We have been talking about adopting an older child. I was looking through the profiles of the children out there to adpot and there is an 11 year old that caught our eye and we have been talking about her ever since.

I am so brand new to this, I don't know where to begin. Can anyone here give me a starting point? My head is swimming from reading the site. Anyone know the process for adopting a older child? I'm in the state of Texas, so I guess I can post this down there as well, but does anyone here have any pointers or suggestions of how my husband and I would get the ball rolling?

TIA!!

~ A

[lucyjoy]

You need to start by contacting children's services in texas and they can get you started. I'm not in Texas, so I don't know the time frame. With classes included it took us about 9 months in MO.

I would also sugest reading Adopting the Hurt Child and Parenting the Hurt Child by Greg Keck and Rebecca Kupecky.

It is generally reccommended that when adopting an older child that they be younger that your youngest child. And, many children on the photo listings do get placed before a study could get done and there may be many families wanting to adopt the same child. So, don't set your heart on any one child just yet.

[angelical]

Good luck!

We have a bio son who's almost 2, and we want to adopt an older child. We live in PA.

We started on the homestudy in July and it was done by the end of August. We did our training during that time too. We have been looking/waiting since Sept.

The books lucyjoy mentioned are very good.

Good luck

[JuliannaTeresa]

An Older Child who has been in the Foster Care System needs a lot of one on one attention!

I would also recommend going to Multiple Agencies Orientations because alot provide more Services than others!

[maimms]

Hello. I recently adopted a 12 yr old from the foster care system. I actually started the process (classes) in late 2002, had the homestudy completed in Jan 2003, and got licensed in Feb 2003. The agency I worked with -- DowneySide Families for Youth -- and I both worked on identifying a match for me. I went through the photolistings on the internet .. adoptuskids.org... among others. I thought I had connected with a couple of kids over the months..... sometimes they were not available anymore, sometimes they had some very serious issues that I was not prepared to deal with. In the end, the agency received info on the child that I ended up with. (It was never on any of the websites) I met my daughter, Sandy, on Sep 25th 2003 and she moved in on Nov 25th 2003...

I recommend that you go to the classes, get homestudied, get licensed, read the books, and be very active in your search. There are thousands of kids available thru the foster care system in the US... keep at it to find the one that belongs in your family. There is a ton of info available on the internet to point you in the right direction.

I wish you the best of luck.... it's an amazing thing to do for a child and for your family.

Marge... new mom to Sandy.

[LotAkids]

We started our adoption journey in February of 03. We were looking at a seven year old boy, but found a 7 month old that needed immediate placement.
We contacted an agency in our area and started our homestudy. We finished all the recommended stuff....paperwork, classes, etc....and then started every day visits with him in March.
We brought him home April 10th! He was the prince among our three bio daughters. (19,17,8)
In September, our CW asked us if we'd be interested in adopting again. We said yes.
She told us about a sibling group of three!....ohmygosh!.....and we met them on October 17th and brought them home October 22nd. Our family has grown by four children since February!
Everyone is doing great and is adjusting well. The three new ones are 10, 4 and 2 1/2. That makes seven! I think we are done now.
I think if you are open to an older child, and you have the time to spend, siblings are great for them too, then do it. There are so many that need homes.
We have a houseful, but I can't imagine them being any where else but with us.
Good luck.
Liz

[DianeS]

(I am working on the assumption that this child is in the USA in foster care. If the child is in a different country, or being placed privately, post that and you'll get different answers.)

Finding a child is actually one of the very last steps on the adoption journey.

Before you identify a child you're interested in and express that interest with any hope of having it answered, you need to have an agency, homestudy, and completed training.

Yes, sometimes it works that you can find a child first, and then do those. But in most cases the child you found will be adopted by somebody else while you're in the process.

In most states, the classes you'll need last for 10 weeks, and are called either MAPP or PRIDE classes. The homestudy takes anywhere from one visit to a series over a month or two. Sometimes they can be done the same times as the classes, sometimes they are done after the classes.

Social workers are really overworked. In addition to the actual time taken by the classes and the homestudy, you spend a lot of time waiting for workers to call you back or find time to make appointments.

Of course a worker isn't going to "hold" a child for an interested family who isn't actually ready to adopt, if there are other families who are interested AND ready. That wouldn't be fair to the child, to sit in foster care and wait longer.

Once you have completed training and have a homestudy, your worker can inquire about that child for you, as well as any other children who would fit well in your family.

If you're interested in adopting a child who is in foster care, your first stop is with the social services department of the state you live in. Call and ask about the requirements for adopting from foster care. They should be able to tell you how to start, and when the next set of classes begin. Also check to see if private agencies in your state are permitted to licence people to adopt from foster care - some have different training schedules that may fit your schedule better.

Don't assume the training tells you everything you need to know. IT DOES NOT!!! You'll need to do your own research to see if a previously abused or neglected child would fit in your family, and if a child older and stronger than your children would fit in your family. Abused and neglected children need an entirely different style of parenting, which you'll have to learn. And children who were abused tend to repeat that abuse on smaller children with a frightening degree of regularity. Not all of them, of course. But it is terribly difficult to guess ahead of time which will and which won't. So do your research to be prepared for that, and learn how to help prevent it from happening (both in how to select a child, and how to prevent it even if the child has those tendencies).

I wish you luck!

[LotAkids]

Did you adopt out of the foster care system? Or internationally?

[DianeS]

We're in the process of adopting from foster care. But my husband has had a case of the cold feet for the past many months, so we haven't progressed any since spring. Blah!