[yasta]

I have my fee for the agency we've chosen and I didn't or couldn't mail it

I am still stuck on how much it costs to adopt an AA baby.

This will be our third adoption and the first two didn't cost a 1/3 of the agency's required fee. It seems that every since the law has allowed a $10,000 tax credit, everyone (facilitators, agencies and lawyers) have increased their prices astronomically.

I found a good reputable agency, but I am agonzing over the fee, why so much? Please no need to respond just venting.

We are a military family stationed overseas our base alone has 26,000+ military and family members. Potential situations comes up all the time, so DH and I have decided to:

1. Socialize our intent to adopt for 6- 11 months and if nothing we can go back to the agency route & our homestudy will still be current. Perhaps wait and foster-adopt when we return to the states.

2. Still go ahead with the homestudy, just in case the birthmother's state requires it.

3. I have already sent emails and talked to long time friends and family back in the states.

4. I spoke to one doctor (OB/GYN). I coached her daughter (whom she adopted) and my sons' soccer team. She told me she get situations all the time and it is possible.

5. My next stop is the chaplins and another doctor (OB/GYN) I know to get the word out.

6. I put a call into a reccommended adoption lawyer. He was out but left a message on his voice mail. I want to see if he could represent us when we find a match.



Oh, Lastly, I took the agency fee and transferred it to another account for at a later date for lawyer and transportation expenses.


Has any one gone the independent adoption route? Oh , any ideas on those parent profiles websites, do they find matches ? I can take the negative as well as the positive?


Yasta
Still feeling frustrated, but willingly to wait a little longer.

[redhedded]

everyone's communication style and difference of views, but I was taken aback by your being, "stuck on how much it costs to adopt an AA baby." I am sure that you did not mean to imply that it should be less because the child is African American?

[yasta]

redhead,

AA , CC or hispanic, baby, adoption of any baby !! I dislike the fact that adoption has become a business instead of the interests of the birthmother and her child. I am not savy with adoption terms.

Don't be taken aback I am not savy with adoption terms nor do I try to be politically correct.

I am different and I enjoy being that way.





Yasta

[browntap]

I do know that about a year or so ago my ob/gyn adopted independently. They received a call from the hospital saying a baby had been born and the mother had decided to place. Of course him being a doctor, they thought to call him to see if he knew of a family.
At my last appointment I expressed our struggles in finding a match within our home state (you got to talk about something while you are lying there ). He said that he probably delivers one to two babies a month where the mom is considering placing and isn't matched. He gave me a few phone numbers to call (local crisis pregnancy center and the support group for young mothers, etc). Only one was willing to keep our profile on hand and show to women and if they decide to place, then they would contact the agency we had our homestudy with to do the legals. We haven't done that yet, we were giving the agency some time to find us a match, but because we have specified only AA, it is taking longer. Apparently she mostly has CC or Biracial placements, honestly we are open to anything but cannot justify the fees for the latter two, they are honestly twice as much!! It's astonishing! (*Note to others: please do not take that last statement and think that we are "settling" for an AA baby. Actually we went into the adoption process specifically looking for an AA baby (or babies, wink, wink) but realized that race does not matter in the least to us and we would not turn down any race baby based on that alone).
So to make my very long story shorter, it can be done, it just takes perserverance, hard work and getting your name out there.
Good luck to you,
Tammi

[redhedded]

I, too, appreciate being different and am. I am also not usually politically correct. I expressed my opinion - that singling out the adoption of an AA baby as being expensive is offensive to me. Good luck on your journey.

[yasta]

redhead,

Thanks for checking the African -American Forum, if you must know: the reason is I am black as is my DH and two sons.

I will not sugar coat it in anyway. I detest the prices for any baby. Agencies are great because they provide the mother counseling before and after for the birth of her child. However:

After my search of several agencies and facilitators, I will call it and say it . It costs less for a black baby ( I hate the word AA). If I was white I would be outrageous. Most (not all) agencies and facilitators charge according to the race of the child. I have not find one where it is the same price for a cc baby than a black infant. I am sure there are some out there.

But plain and simple black babies are harder to place and boys are considered less desirable, why ? I do not know. Look at the statistics. I am happy I have my two sons. I am happy when CC families adopt black children why ? it one less baby in foster care, mistreated or dead. I think is is absolutely wonderful.

The point of this thread is I am going the independent route why? because it should cost so much to adopt any baby and I will say it again " especially a black baby" Recently 2-3 women tried to kill their newborns rather than tell their family they are expecting. Sad. I know of 2-3 couples (black) who desperately desires to adopt but the "fees" are out of reach or are just against "paying" when they know there are babies available. You have to get the 6 K- 8K first before you get the "tax credit". Some black people just do not have it up front.

I could see if the money is to assist the mother to get back on her feet , go towards college or some education classes to improve her skills. It doesn't, because it is illegal.

What about the love and care of the mother and the child.

I know every family here will find their forever child and that's great whether they use an agency or facilitator, its just not our route to expand our family. We used the same agency twice to adopt our sons, this time the price sky rocketed because they are losing businesses to other agencies. We have the money, its just the principle of the fact.


Yasta

[katieb31323]

Hi

We are also considering independent route basically because of the rising agency fees. In 98 our sons agency adoption was 11,000. In 2000 our daughters was 12-13,000 and now it would be well over 15,000 from what I have researched thus far. However we are now living in the state of Minnesota and apparently ALL adoptions must go through an agency which is frustrating to me but we are working our way through the maze and hope to be actively searching (apparently with some agency involvent) soon.

As a side note....our son is multiracial to include Hispanic and our daughter is of African and Irish descent....the agency fees we paid were the same as if they were of Europeon descent or any other for that matter. Unfortunately both agency have now closed!!! So we are back in the research game!

Good luck to you

[hope44]

We are going independent too.
I agree the price is too expensive. We have saved the $, it just doesn't seem fair to pay all of that when it seems we are doing all the work to find this baby ourselves. In our case it only shaves a few thousand off the price compared to using an agency, but that can easily be spent in on-line profiles and such. I can say we get lots of hits to our on-line profile, but nothing has come from any of it yet. I am not giving up or anything, just thinking out loud.
The thing I would really like to know is the category of people who are reading our portfolio. Is it all other people just like me, or are there birth moms out there really reading it? My counter doesn't tell me those kinds of things.
I know God has a perfect plan and timing for us. I am really learning a lot about trust and patience.

[yasta]

Wow!! Glad I'm not the only one. Godd to know there are others out there going independent and for some of the same reasons. costs !!

Kathieb31323/hope44,

I have a million questions.

What have you done so far ?

How long have you been going independent?

What assistance ( from friends and family members) in helping you to locate?

I have a whole laundry list of things I must do and have already done.

What to share? I could use a buddy !!

Yasta

[katieb31323]

Hi Yasta

We really have done very little other then research state laws in Minnesota (we have lived here for a year) I did read the book fast track adoption which was informative. We have a lot do starting with updating/redoing our homestudy. I am practicing the patience I will need later when we are actively waiting as dh moves a lot slower then I but we'll get there!

What have you done so far?
K

[yasta]

Katie,

so far I have:

1. Mailed in the payment to get my homestudy done.

2. Looked at some "dear birthmother letters" to get an idea how to write one for our website.

3. I have put the word out to family and friends. My sister is also and engineer so she will do our website. I have several friends who work for the State social service, they will be excellent contacts for us.

4. The agency I planned to go with, have identified adoption services fee , which is if you have you find your own birthmother they will do the paper work for a substancially reduced cost. Benefits: Counselling before and after for the mother and someone to represent you.

5. I need to check how much it costs to establish a 1-800 # for the birthmother to call.

6. I am gathering adoption laws, support serivces and attorneys in the areas I am willingly to travel to pick up the baby and finalize the adoption.

Actually, Kathie,

I need to make a check list so I will not get overwhelmed. But I do hope my homestudy is completed soon, because that is a major hurdle.

I am not sure, but if you found a birthmother outside your state can you finalize in that neighboring state ? I know you can not do an identified adoption in your state. What are your choices ?

Oh , by the way how old are your children now ?

Yasta

[MomofKaden]

I went the independent route. Our son is 8 1/2 months old. Before I say anything more though - YASTA! - I have to say that I know TONS of white folks who can't afford the adoption fees either - it's not just the black folks! DH & I are white and it was plenty tough coming up with that much money! So, let's not restrict it by race - adoptions are outrageously expensive - period! We can all agree on that!

Ok, so our short version story is that we were applying to an agency and starting our homestudy process when quite frankly we heard of a girl who was pregnant and planning to place the baby for adoption. Our friend was her cousin. So, it just sort of fell in our laps! We went to our first agency meeting in Oct 02 and our son was born May 03. So, my advise is simply to tell everyone you know that you want to adopt - that's it! That's all it took for us, and many others, it just may have taken some others a bit longer! I would just tell every friend, family member and especially nurses or doctors who work ob/gyn! That's all I can think of. Many other people do the web pages, 1-800 numbers etc, and those are good ideas, but my opinion is to try to keep your search more localized, because if the whole point is to keep costs down, why fly across the country to meet your baby, especially considering the risk of doing that just to have a mom change her mind! If you are involved in any church or community group, that is the perfect place to spread the word. Good luck to you!

[yasta]

Thanks "momof kaden"

And congrats to your little one !! I have been spreading the word around to all my friends, family members, ob/gyn and adoption lawyers they will get tired of me soon enough.

Hopefully, we will be as fortunate as you and your family within a year's time.

Yasta