[carrieatltu]

My husband and I were all set to apply for international adoption, but today we got called about a 3 year old in the area who will be up for adoption soon. I have so many uncertainties about foster adoption. I don't know what to do, or look for or even think about. Does anyone have any experience with this or can give me some insight?

[MomofKaden]

Perhaps more info would be helpful - how did you get this call? Have you been through the fostering courses offered by your state? Have you completed your homestudy? I am not totally sure how this fell in your lap? Sounds like something worth looking into, but there are so many questions?!! Do you know more information about this child and what the situation is? Why is he becoming available? Do you know what types of problems he has had to deal with? Is he being taken out of an abusive situation? What are you up against? I would recommend learning as much as you can and if he has anything you need to be prepared for such as drug exposure, suffered abuse, attachment disorder, etc....learn all you can and then you will know if this is something you are ready to take on - if you know very little about these things and they are things he has to deal with, perhaps this isn't the child for you...only you can know! Good luck - whatever you decide!

[Support2Adopt]

I would try to find out everything I could about the child. What is the medical backround? What caused the child to be up for adoption in the first place? How many foster placements has the child had? Are you able to meet the child before making a commitment? Lastly, silly as this may sound, what does your gut tell you? It has been said that when the right situation comes along, you'll know it. That's what we were told during classes for our first adoption. The SW was right. :-)
JJ

[susanlowman]

Your situation is similar to mine.....

My husband and I were all set for international adoption....as a matter of fact we had our homevisit scheduled for a Saturday (last January), when the Thursday night before, we received a call from a friend asking if we would consider adopting her nephew and soon-to-be-born nephew -- SHE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WE WERE CONSIDERING ADOPTION!! We agreed to meet her and her nephew and that was it!! We were in love. It turned out that the soon-to-be-born nephew was a niece!!

We have worked with Social Services and the foster care system here for almost a year. Hopefully the parents rights will be termintated shortly and we can adopt. Both kids have been living with us and we LOVE THEM SO MUCH!!

Things are going "ok" for us -- I have no patience so this year wait has been torture, but it has gone smoothly. I can hardly wait til there name is the same as mine!!

Please feel free to email me with any questions about our experience.

[carrieatltu]

I do have some information. He has many older brothers and sisters. They were all originally removed due to neglect (he when he was one). They retunred for a few months and then were removed again. The older children have recently made allegations of sexual abuse (and it sounds really twisted...like something out of a bad movie). Plus the parents live within 20 mile of us and think they are getting their kids back which makes me a little uncomfortable. I don't know... I'm not getting a warm fuzzy feeling about the situation, but I don't know if its just because I don't know enough about these types of adoptions or if its because it isn't right for us..

[melon161]

Hi,

My husband and I are with the gov't for adoption and we were matched with a little girl that we had fallen in love with through her profile. Anyway, we were ecstatic and then we went and met with her social worker and foster mom. We knew some things about her but this was all of it dumped on us. There were way more problems then we were origanlly told. In the end we had to say no. What I'm trying to say is that you have to be in this heart, soul and head and olnly get into something you can handle. Really research the situation and make an informed decision. I know the possibilty of having a child right away is overwhelming but you have ot be prepared.

Good Luck

Stacy

[carrieatltu]

We have talked with his social worker, and are supposed to briefly meet him and talk with his foster mom this week. What type of things should I ask her/look for with him? His social worker said that he and the second youngest haven't shown any behavioral problems in foster care (he's been with the same foster mom for the past two years). She said the main problems are with the older children. She said he doesn't remember his parents since he was only one when he was removed... and he doesn't even really know who his brothers and sisters are... This is so difficult!! Do things come out when they get older? I mean I don't remember anything from when I was one, but could something materialize later?

[redhedded]

Congratulations. Let me first say that I have not adopted through social services but have some recommendations as a social worker with children in residential placement. Prior to meeting with foster parents I would prepare a list of questions, including basic daily routine and eating habits, behavioral issues (foster mother might have a different view than case worker) and how they manage (redirection, positive reenforcement, etc.). I would inquire about ongoing contact with family; I assume that there is some if they anticipate reunification. How does he respond and what is the post visit experience like for him? It is very good news that he has been in the same foster home since being placed in the system; generally that family would be given preferential treatment to adopt. Hopefully they will share why they are not pursuing adoption. If you have been chosen for placement, the case worker should be willing to provide you with some basic information, such as a psychological evaluation, an early childhood intervention summary and medical history evaluation, including any diagnoses if applicable. Since he was removed early and has remained with the same family, he is probably quite bonded to them; the question would be how he might adjust to a transition. It is likely that he would bond again quickly with some work on your part. There is much to consider and much information to gather. Don't hesitate to press in order to ensure that all of your questions are answered. Best of luck. Keep us posted on your visit.

[carrieatltu]

The situation is this. Visits have stopped with the parents as of last summer. Apparently the rights are going to be terminated they just haven't had their court date yet. The current foster mom has requested a replacement because she is a single mom and has been put on the midnight shift at work and it is just too much. They are hoping to place the boy with people intending to adopt to keep him from jumping homes too many times...

[Cricket8351]

Redhedded you said everything I wanted to say and more.

My advice is exactly the same. Write out your questions in advance so you are prepared then you will be able to make an informed decision. Get as much information about the history as possible. The foster parent should be a wealth of information about his current behaviors and needs.

Don't rush into anything...use your head and your heart will follow.

Good luck and I wish you the very best.

T