[gregram]

Does anyone have experince with relocating birthmom. We have a possible match that requires almost complete birthmom expenses from Jan until April. She is willing to relocate, but we are reluctant in that this would mean moving mom across country--how responsible are we for her after delivery. She would have no one here, no friends etc. We live in NC but close to SC with better adoption laws.. is it possible to relocate her to a state we don't live in? Any help would be appreciated.
gregram

[Happy2Bhere]

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[NCGirl20]

Just a little secret for you.... SC adoption laws aren't that great... it gets even more tricky if the birthmom has not been a legal resident of that state for at least 90 days, and could very well put your adoption in jepordy.

Check into what expenses are allowed in her state, your state, and even in SC... Not all states will allow you to cover certain things like relocation, housing, etc...

[amom4life]

Hi,
I really think you need to ask yourselves if you would be willing to help this expectant mother with all of these expenses even if you weren't matched with her.

I say this because a match is not a promise or a guarantee. The expectant mother may have a change of heart after the birth and decide to parent her child no matter how sure of her decision she feels at the present time.

Will you still feel okay with putting out all of these finances if she does indeed decide to parent? If yes great, but if no you may want to reconsider.

It is a very big step!
Blessings!
Judy

[Support2Adopt]

You can relocate a possible Birthmother to another state, but what you have to check into is what adoption related expenses are legal as each state varies.
JJ

[NCGirl20]

I also have to agree with Judy. You need to ask yourself if you would also be willing to do all of this out of the goodness of your own heart. And then, if the pbm cannot work or is put on bed rest, you are paying for everything from rent, food, utilities, phone, etc..... Not all pbm's go through with their plans, and most agencies will NOT reimburse you for loss finances.

[tobeafamily]

Gregram,

I third Judy's statement - paying prospective birthfamily expenses is considered an 'act of charity' and is not recoverable. There is no 'requirement' though she may not connect/commit to someone who isn't interested in helping her out. If that is a condition for her connecting/committing, then it's not a true connection anyway and has a higher risk for going south and no placement occuring.

As to NC/SC laws - if you're not able to finalize in SC as a nonresident, then beyond relinquishment it doesn't matter what SC law is as you'll follow NC law and since the child is born in another state, will have to go through ICPC, a process that can take weeks easily. There may also be a residency requirement in NC that the pbfamily may be required to meet. You would need to determine if it's worth it if relinquishment laws are really that much better in SC than NC.

Best of luck,

Regina, AMom to Ryan Joshua Thomas

[NCGirl20]

Gregam....

Was just curious on to how your thoughts were leading and if you had found out anymore information!

[MomofKaden]

Sounds extremely risky to me! It might work out great, but putting out this kind of money and help sounds very worrisome to me...I would worry it would put undue pressure on her to keep her adoption plan whether she wanted to or not - and proving undue pressure is cause to check into having an adoption overturned if she were to change her mind later. I don't know...you go with your gut and you will know what to do, just make sure you REALLY do your homework and know this is the right thing for you before doing something so drastic. I agree totally with Judy and Regina and everyone - if you are just nice and this is something you want to do to help, by all means do, but you would be a much better person than I! I don't think I could do it.