[redhedded]

We had no gender preference and would not if and when we choose to adopt again. I can certainly see that in high school, even middle school, boys could be SO much easier than girls. Having said that, at 17 months, my daughter's male playmates and their mothers seem to have a much more difficult time. Our daugther while very strong willed and assertive is task oriented and calm; she likes books, music, has a clever sense of humor and plays well with others. The boys, on the other hand, are rowdy, constantly in motion and diving head first off of everything. These differences are not encouraged or a result of socialization, they have, interestingly, been very apparent since shortly after birth. I think those mothers have it so much harder than I.

[emiliesfirstmom]

I am a birthmother. I knew in advance what my child's gender was, and I did tell prospective adoptive parents with whom I was seriously considering a placement.

As to whether or not there is a girl preference and why, I read somewhere that "scammers" are more likely to claim their "baby" is a girl (or twins).

Diane, you mentioned that more boys are born than girls. Actually, if gender-selective abortions are unavailable, the birth rate results in about 51 percent girls and 49 percent boys. From an evolutionary standpoint, that makes sense, as it takes a woman nine months to gestate a baby, and she only has once egg to produce per month, while a man can produce millions of sperm each month and father many many children. So from a survival of the species standpoint, having slightly more women than men results in a greater chance of survival. In countries like India and China where boys are more highly valued than girls, years of gender-selective abortions, infanticide, and adoption are slowly skewing the population, resulting in many more men than women.

Back to adoption... my theory is that many people are more comfortable with the idea of adopting a girl than a boy because an adopted boy will carry on the a-father's last name, even though he bears no genetic relationship to him. A girl on the other hand will be more likely to give up her a-parents' last name when she marries.

I actually had one set of prospective adoptive parents inform me that they already had a biological son and were prepared to ONLY adopt a newborn girl because they didn't want "someone else's biological child" to carry their last name into future generations. I guess the a-dad was big into genealogy or something. I knew I was carrying a girl but asked them what they'd do if I had a boy. They responded that they had some very nice friends who wanted to adopt who'd take a boy, and that they'd helped several friends adopt baby boys when "their" birthmom had the "wrong" gender. Ugh. Needless to say, my baby girl did not go to these people.

[AMom2Two]

Emiliesfirstmom....

That adoptive couple doesn't sound like they should adopt at all! Thank God you found out about their slanted views. I think it's sick for adoptive couple to say we only want a girl because we don't want the adopted boy to carry our name. Where do these "weird" people come from? Anyone who feels that way about a child should not adopt at all. A man, who doesn't want a son because he doesn't want the boy to carry his last name, should have been excluded during the homestudy process. What happens, god forbid, if the girl they so desperately want, decides to keep her last name when she marries or even if the man takes on her last name. Would they tell her no, you can't do that.

Attitudes like that, make my blood boil!

[PetersMom]

I am an adoptive mom to my beautiful Asian son (I am not Asian and neither is my husband) We are hoping to adopt an Asian girl because I have always wanted to have a boy and a girl (even before I found out I couldn't have children). We have had 2 fall-throughs in matches because the birthmoms found out the baby was a girl and that changed their mind. In light of this, I now REALLY would like for the birthmother to know what she is having beforehand so that she can be more comfortable and informed with her decision BEFORE she gives birth.

I talked with another birthmother who understood our desire for a girl and knew she would not have any trouble finding a family for her baby boy - and she didn't. BTW she and I still have contact and I am still helping her through the pregnancy when the adoptive parents can't. I am very happy for the adoptive parents that she chose.

[NCGirl20]

All I can say is that everyone has a choice and even if we don't like it... we should respect it.

[Keshet]

I think it is wrong to ask for the sex of your child!

[DianeS]

emiliesfirstmom, that's pretty close to the opposite of what I learned and what I can find available in statistics today. http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0005083.html is an example of the stats I'm finding.

The evolutionary reason I was given (way back when!) is that more males die during childhood, adolescence, and early adulthood than females. Therefore by the time most adults in their 20s are having children, the ratio of males to females has become close to even.

Interesting, huh?

[Allieloopy]

After having 10 foster kids I know that ALL of the boys I have had were very hard to deal with. I don't know if their circumstances and natural chemistry and aggression combine to make them this way or what.
The girls I have had have been much calmer. This is in younger kids, 7 and under.

Now, to totally do an about face, the OLDER boys (7 +) I have had are easier than the older girls I have dealt with. Give me a teenage boy anytime, I dread what I have coming with my daughter in 10 years!

When we were planning our birth family we didn't have a preference but I secretly wanted a girl first. Probably because of my close involvement with my mother and sisters and I want to keep that bond going with my children. Or a sense of self protection involving toilet seats. (My house, seat down!)

But our first placement was two brothers and I did get used to everything boy...except the stinky sock smell that took over their room! I bonded with my boys and would have adopted them in a heartbeat but it wasn't to be. Then we got girls, two toddlers about the same age. My house suddenly became glitter central.
I try not to force gender rolls but little girls seem naturally drawn to glitter, pink and purple.

One of these girls needed a family so we were able to adopt her.
She is a tom boy so I guess we got the best of both worlds.

I would love to have boys too but I could be very happy with a houseful of girls.

Perhaps it's because in my family the woman are the strong ones, we seem to running things. Both of my sisters and I are attached to men with very strong mothers too.

Paula

[Allieloopy]

After having 10 foster kids I know that ALL of the boys I have had were very hard to deal with. I don't know if their circumstances and natural chemistry and aggression combine to make them this way or what.
The girls I have had have been much calmer. This is in younger kids, 7 and under.

Now, to totally do an about face, the OLDER boys (7 +) I have had are easier than the older girls I have dealt with. Give me a teenage boy anytime, I dread what I have coming with my daughter in 10 years!

When we were planning our birth family we didn't have a preference but I secretly wanted a girl first. Probably because of my close involvement with my mother and sisters and I want to keep that bond going with my children. Or a sense of self protection involving toilet seats. (My house, seat down!)

But our first placement was two brothers and I did get used to everything boy...except the stinky sock smell that took over their room! I bonded with my boys and would have adopted them in a heartbeat but it wasn't to be. Then we got girls, two toddlers about the same age. My house suddenly became glitter central.
I try not to force gender rolls but little girls seem naturally drawn to glitter, pink and purple.

One of these girls needed a family so we were able to adopt her.
She is a tom boy so I guess we got the best of both worlds.

I would love to have boys too but I could be very happy with a houseful of girls.

Perhaps it's because in my family the woman are the strong ones, we seem to running things. Both of my sisters and I are attached to men with very strong mothers too.

Paula

[mamacrina]

You are such a clever person to post this thread! It's very interesting. My husband and I are in the middle of our homestudy, and have already talked about this subject extensively.

We both prefer girls for different reasons. I had 5 older brothers and my best friend of 20 years did too, so I pretty much was bombarded by boys all my life. I have a "little" sister, who I still baby. The nursery for our future child-is in lavender, lilac, and pink.

Don't get me wrong-if someone walked up to me this minute with a baby boy, don't think I wouldn't welcome him with open arms! And he would be loved and spoiled.

My want of girls also stems from past abuse as a child, and I think I would be able to parent a girl better. I hope that doesn't sound terrible. but it's true.

So, everyone has their reasons, and they have to be true to not only themselves, but their future children.