[Sparty]

This is my first time posting to this site...my husband and I are thinking of adopting domestically. I would like to hear your differing views of the different types of adoption, i.e. open, semi-open, closed.

Thank you in advance for your thoughts

[lisa in venice]

Each adoption is different depending on the people involved and their circumstances. In some situations closed adoption are best or what end up happening, in others semi-open are great or what happen as people become more comfortable in what should have been a closed adoption. Some adoptions are open but the level of openness and comfort again depend on the people.

I think in general open adoptions are good for all members of the triad but they are not aways the best idea or not possible. I believe that if the grwn ups can beave in the best interest of the child open adoption works great and is what we should all asspire to but given the foibles and inperfections of people and their relationships it may not work out.

I have two closed adoptions, one fully open one and one semi open one where we send pictures, updates etc but don't recieve any (her choice). In our famiily the open adoption has been the most rewarding experience and that child has feweradotion related issues than the older two in closed adoptions. I am not saying my older kids are upset on a daily basis aboutt he closed nature of their adoptions but it does effect them in a number of ways and I don't see any of that in our third child. HE doens't fantsize about his birth family the way my dd did, he dosen't wish he knew who he looks like like my older ds did. He doesn't talk sadly about the famly he doesn't know the way the older kids have. It's not an every day thing but it was definately there for them in a way it is not for #3.

My advice is to be as open as possible and see where the relationship goes. The best thing that can happen is that your willingness to discuss the perameters of your relationship will lead to the perfect level of openness.

lisa

[tobeafamily]

I agree with Lisa. We are in a fully open integrated adoption with our son's bfamily. It has been challenging, heartbreaking, rewarding and amazingly full of love. I wouldn't change a thing, honestly.

I think the biggest struggle in domestic parental placement is to be honest with ourselves as paparents - what level of openness can you handle? It's OK to not have an answer and it's OK for your comfort level to change from situation to situation. What's not OK is to commit to one level of openness, find it uncomfortable (but not endangering) post-placement, then close without explanation after placement. This not only dishonors yourselves but your child too.

For us, fully open was easy. We're a military family, so we've got lots of friends we consider family. I grew up with lots of aunts, uncles, etc. who were not related by 'blood'. We were related by something stronger - love. Not everyone is like us though.

Some great books on open adoption:

The Open Adoption Experience by Lois Molina
Dear Birthmother by Kathleen Silber
Secret Thoughts of An Adoptive Mother by Jana Wolff

Best of luck,

Regina, AMom to Ryan Joshua Thomas