[lyoungwirth]

My husband and I were recently offered a situation by an adoption attorney we had been referred to. But he had just been given the situation by a facilitator he works with and the baby was due in four weeks.

We were matched in this rush/rush situation and were very excited, although frightened by feeling rushed. Little by little we learned a bunch of bad things about the birth parents including use of crack and that they had other kids that were taken away from them. But in the meantime had flown them out to our state and put them up in a residency for three nights. They lied and told us that they had had prenatal care and that they hadn't done drugs in months.

Finally we got the records of the ultrasound done last Thursday and the baby has hydronephritis and a big problem with his bladder. The mother's drug screen came back positive for cocaine and her labs were incredibly out of whack.

We've pulled out of this adoption and its for the best, but I am so depressed. And I feel horrible for that little baby.

It just seems like our attorney and the facilitator didn't do enough to screen this birthmother. Do most agencies and/or attorneys do background screenings on their prospective birthmothers?

[amom4life]

I don't know what the norm is but our facilitator screens the birthmothers. Of course there is not much they can do if a birthmother lies, but they do the best they can with the information they are given.
Judy

[paperchasingmom]

and angers me.....

Why, why, why, why, why can't people be charged with child abuse if they CONSISTENTLY do drugs during their pregnancy? Plus, charge them with possesion of narcotics too, obviously. I realize a birthmother has the right to "end" her pregnancy via abortion, but why, if a birthmother chooses "life" for her baby, why is she then allowed to forever harm this child through her actions regarding drugs during her pregnancy???????

I'm so sickened by hearing about these poor babies being born with all kinds of problems due to illegal drugs, alcohol, whatever during the birthmother's pregnancy.

What are the laws concerning this? Does anybody know?

I realize people have problems and need help and that's understandable IF they ask for help, but to have people blatantly lie about it, that shows me intent.....intent to purposely harm and to purposely deceive someone else. At least be honest if you have a problem, care enough to ask for help, if not for yourself, at least for the baby their carrying.....

It seems like this is beginning to be the "norm"......these poor, innocent, helpless babies.....it just breaks my heart.....

Sorry, just had to vent....

Melody

[Sharon]

A dear friend of mine on the forum, who also happens to be an adoptive parent, has pointed out more than once that she found it strange that with all the rigorous screening required to become an adoptive parent, she and her husband were never required to submit to a drug test. In her words: "We could've been heroin addicts, for all they knew."
I think that screening potential adoptive parents for drugs is of equal if not far greater importance than screening birthmothers. At this time, nobody is screening either one, apparently. I would not expect this to change anytime soon. Agencies and adoption professionals are in a very delicate position; they need something from birthmothers (babies). They need something from potential aparents (money). They are serving both, and are in no position to demand anything from either one. Rather, they are in the unenviable position of trying to meet both parties' needs and demands. I'm sure it's quite a balancing act. While they may or may not be providing a valuable service to society, agencies are first and foremost a business, and the purpose of a business is to make money. It's easy to speculate about how things "should" be, but ultimately we must deal with the reality of what is.
JMO ~ Shar

[paperchasingmom]

What is the law if a birthmother is found to have tested positive for illegal drugs? Is there any law that can find her guilty of not only illegal drug use on herself, but also subjecting her unborn child to these illegal drugs?

Honestly, I'm really not wishing to start any kind of debate, which I guess maybe my first post suggested, sorry, but seriously, I know that if a person is found with illegal drugs on their person they can be charged. How about a pregnant person...(I'll try to steer away from saying "birthmother"...) If a pregnant person is found to have illegal drugs in their body, in their system, can they be charged for harmful endangerment to a minor or something like that??????

I'm just curious. There just seems to be alot of conversation these days about people's experiences with babies born with illegal drugs in their systems.

It just sounds like it's getting to be more and more common....

and that, saddens me....

Melody

[Shoshana]

i DID have to have drug screens -- one for Russia, and one when i changed countries to Guatemala. the drug screens, of course, were not required by the US, but by the other countries.

i believe that if, during the homestudy process, a social worker becomes concerned, that he/she can request drug screens.

i don't believe in drug screens for expectant mothers, whether or not they are considering adoption. as tragic as the effects are for the child, it seems to me that this is one step down a slippery slope of intrusiveness. i believe only a few states have legislation allowing this, but i could be wrong. from a practical perspective, it's much more effective to prevent and treat drug use versus punishing the abuser after the fact. its a sad commentary on a society that jails offenders but has sorely inadequate treatment facilities -- unless, of course, one is rich.'

[Sharon]

MelodyPeter,
Here is a link that I hope will clarify some of these issues for you:
http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/journals/gr010503.html
~shar

[lovestory]

This is such a sore subject with me. I feel that more should be offered/done for the mother who is 'using' during a pregnancy. A few months back I was told of a mother carrying twins, looking to place. (She was a friend of a friend.) Sadly, I only found out about her pregnancy a couple of weeks before she gave birth. When I DID hear of it, I tried to encourage that someone close to her get her into the hospital, or a shelter or whatever (because it was known that she was drinking, smoking, drugging...). This didn't happen...when she finally did have her babies, one died within 24 hours, and the other 2 weeks later.

I know that a woman has free agency, yet I STILL feel that women who are 'using' should be extra encouraged to seek help. I feel that these twins would have made it had someone interceded and advocated for them. For example...not too far from where we live there is a woman's rehab center. The minimum stay is 7 months...this would have been sufficiant, I feel, in protecting the twins. So, just blocks from where this prg lady lived, there was an allternative to the choices she was making. It makes me cry when I think of what could have been prevented. I know that she couldn't have done it on her own, that someone would have had to push and encourage her toward rehab.

Stephanie