[Lizette]

Hi Everyone!!!
I am new to the board and would like to introduce myself to everyone. My name is Lizette and my husband is Alan. We live in upstate NY and after nine years of marriage it became apparent that we would not be having a child naturally. I have been thinking a long time about adoption and finally spoke to my husband. He said he was up to the challenge of the adoption process.
I called Catholic Charities today and they are sending me an information package. What I am looking for is what to expect. I have been surfing the net and have read a lot about adoption but it all seems soooooo scary. I have read some beautiful stories and some horror stories about birthmothers and international adoptions. We would definitely be open to an international adoption.

I would like to know some other experiences/insights on how you got started and the process of adoption. I would love to go to a seminar about adoption. Has anyone gone to one.
I appreciate any info.
Thanks, Lizette

[Support2Adopt]

Hi Lizette and welcome to the boards and the world of adoption.
Yes, there are the horror stories out there, but there are many more success stories.
As for what to expect, except to fill out tons of paper work, endure a home study, (which is really not that bad,) then play the waiting game until you are matched.
Keep up the research and ask tons of questions!
JJ

[Lizette]

[kastevens]

HI Lizette (and Alan),

Welcome to the board. I am a very new member and in the same boat as you. My husband and I just contact Catholic Charities here in CT to meet at the end of November. I went out and bought a few recommeneded books (see my thread for that). I know there is alot to learn, but know it won't be that difficult. Did you try to look on the web for CC? I know our local CC has a web page. Good luck, maybe we can share our experiences with them!

[tobeafamily]

HI Lizette & Welcome,

We adopted our son through domestic parental placement (AKA private) adoption 18 months ago. We have a fully open relationship with his bfamily that is working very well, partly I think because we're used to having 'family' that isn't blood related and partly because we all like each other.

There is no risk-free way to be a parent, including biological parenting. Among the three primary ways of adopting a child, each carries it's own risks and benefits. It's really a matter of which risks you can handle, which you can't.

In international, you have risks associated with bureaucracy, risks associated with fraud, risks associated with travel, risks associated with neglect/abuse/institutionalization, risks associated with medical care, including prenatal care, possible risks associated with parenting transracially, risks associated with finances/fees.

In domestic parental placement, you've got risks associated with potential bparents changing their minds, risks associated with bureaucracy, may have risks associated with travel, may have risks associated with prenatal medical care, risks associated with finances/fees.

In waiting child/foster care you've got risks associated with bureacuracy, may have risks associated with prenatal care, may have risks associated with abuse/neglect, may have risks associated with travel.

I recommend people ask themselves these questions:

1. How important is it that your child share your ethnic heritage?
2. How important is it that you parent a newborn?
3. How comforatable are you parenting a child who may have been exposed to neglect/abuse/institutionalization (which may or may not be known)?
4. What fees are you comfortable paying?
5. How willing/able are you to travel?
6. How comfortable are you talking with others about your desires, lifestlye, values, and interests?

There is no one BEST or RIGHT way to pursue your plans, just what is best for you.

Best of luck,

Regina, AMom to Ryan Joshua Thomas

[Lizette]

Dear Regina,
I have been asking myself similar questions. The whole process is quite frightening. This will chang our lives for ever. However, I truly want to be a mom and as I mentioned above, it is not going to happen naturally or by itself.
It will be a struggle to try to make to right decisions. I feel that I am half way there. I am committed to see this though. I just need to gather as much information to decide whether to go domesticly or international. And then weigh the pros and cons.
As you said there are risks in any direction you may decide to go. I would consider adopting an older child but I am pinning for at least a toddler.
Thanks for all the insight.
Lizette