[lyoungwirth]

Our Bparents arrived this morning on a plane, but just before they did our attorney was called by a family member who informed him that the Bmother had been using crack during her pregnancy and that they had given another baby up for adoption last year. We talked to them on the phone and had specifically asked them questions about drugs. Our attorney says to wait until he takes them to the doctor today and has them do a drug screening on the mother and fetus (she is 8 months pregnant). He did say that she looked healthy and not malnourished or anything when he picked them up, but who knows.

I am so disappointed and upset, not to mention feeling like a schmuck for believing these people. Our attorney says that this situation with them came up so suddenly he really had no time to check everything. He just got put together with them last Friday. He also says that he has another birth couple in a different state who he has not matched yet and would put us on the top of this list for them to choose if we want.

I'm so torn I don't know what to do!

[BrandyHagz]

I know your alarmed at the latest news…I think anyone would be.

Do you think its possible that the “family member” is only doing this to complicate the placement?

To be honest, I don’t know what placing a child in the past has to do with anything…but I don’t think its cause for concern.

So far, I don’t think there is any reason to suspect that they are not being honest. Wait for the testing, and make your decision based on the facts!

Good luck with the placement, I hope everything goes smoothly

[tobeafamily]

I agree with Brandy - wait and see what the medical screen turns up. If and when it's revealed that there has been recent substance use, then talk it over and decide how you wish to proceed. As for previous placements, I agree again with Brandy.

Don't beat yourselves up over this. Take it one step at a time. If it turns out to be a situation you aren't prepared to handle, then don't. There will be other situations.

Hang in,

Regina, AMom to Ryan Joshua Thomas

[Linny]

While I can understand you being shocked and disappointed (assuming the news is correct).......I would wait until I had all the info.
I'd also tell you, that while adopting a drug-exposed baby would possibly have it's challenges, the most damaging drug known to the unborn baby is alcohol. While many other street drugs may do some harm........tests have shown that alcohol continues to stay in the baby's system longer and have more damaging effects. Even with alcohol, it's a gamble.....but speaking as a momma to one FAS (fetal alcohol syndrome) child, and another who is FAE (fetal alcohol effect).......the challenges can range from mild to severe.
Take a deep breath and check out the facts. Things may not be as severe as you suppose.

Sincerely,

Linny

[lyoungwirth]

Thanks, that advice is exactly what the attorney recommended as well. The previous placement has nothing to do with my reservations now, just that we were able to talk to that adoptive mom. Her baby is fine, but she thinks the bmom may have used more drugs this time. Who knows, for all we know these people who are telling us this stuff may have ulterior motives. We will wait till the doctor and the blood tests come back.

Thanks again!

[amom4life]

I hope everything goes well for you! Keep us posted.
Judy

[lovestory]

LeeAnn,

Best to you and your family at this time. I hope that the test screens that mother is going to go through will help you in knowing what to do. I, too, have heard that alcohol is more harmful then most other drugs.

Keep us updated.
Stephanie

[stone]

I am sooo sorry to hear that you were possibly deceived by the birthparents.Remember that a drug screen for crack cocaine will only show up in a screen for 1 -2 days.It is very short lived.I am a drug and alcohol counselor and know how challenging crack babies can be.It is tough to catch people who are using crack because it is not in the system very long. Just pray and seek God's guidance.I will pray for you!
Stacie

[melon161]

Just stopping by to say good-luck and I hope things turn out all good.

Hugs,

[paperchasingmom]

I'm so sorry to hear about how this joyous time has now become very scary and difficult. I, too, would have felt just like you're feeling....that's natural....pray during this time you're waiting and God will show you the way.....remember, if this is something that you feel uncomfortable with, you have the right to change your mind...it's whatever you and your family feel comfortable with....

We'll keep you and your family and the baby in our prayers....keep us posted.

Blessings,

Melody

[lyoungwirth]

Our bmom saw her doctor on Friday and originally thought her due date was end of December and he said, no you are actually due at the end of November. Which leads me to believe that the baby is of good size. He didn't notice anything wrong with the baby (our attorney has spoken with him). Arent' so called "crack babies" usually quite small, underweight, and have smaller heads?

Also, when the attorney picked up the bparents at the airport he told us they looked healthy and normal and not at all malnourished or having the usual appearance of severe drug addicts. She admitted to him that she had done crack during the pregnancy, but supposedly not recently and readily agreed to drug testing and an amnio. Atty took them to the doctor but haven't heard back.

Do any of these things, the apparent normal even large size of the baby and her not being physically wasted herself, seem like good signs??

[Support2Adopt]

I think it sounds like a very good sign that the potential Birthmother looked so healthy and that the baby is of a good size. At this point, you don't know how much crack she's used so I would wait and see before you second guess anything.
JJ

[tobeafamily]

Depending on the substance, drug exposed fetuses can be smaller in size than those non-exposed. There is also a higher incidence of pre-term labor and premature birth amongst women who regularly use during pregnancy.

Generally, users don't readily agree to testing, as they are afraid of criminal charges and also have difficulty 'facing reality'.

Both are good signs. Wait for test results, however.

Keeping my fingers crossed & prayers going.

Regina, AMom to Ryan Joshua Thomas

[nawlinsmom]

LeeAnn:
I too was faced with a similar situation, my son's birthmom was a herione user who was put on Methadone when she became pregnant, and she had also given up previous children for adoption. I knew she was not always keeping her doctors appointments and was having a hard time on the Methadone. She is also Hepatitis C positive. I was scared to death but being a healthcare professional I had access to wonderful physicians and a Neonatologist told me to go for it, and to not let that stop me. (Of course a baby born to a Methadone birthmother is able to be detoxed slowly) but all I can tell you is that my son is fine, he was tapered off of Methadone and Phenabarbitol within six weeks of his birth, he was born a month early but no problems there. He is developmentally advanced for his age and he has no residual affects so far, thank GOD. I still have to wait until Feb 2004 to have the final Hepatitis test on him but so far it does not look like he is affected by that either. I know every situation is different but I just wanted to let you know that children born with drug addictions can be okay and give you a glimmer of hope. I will keep you in my prayers and what ever you decide it will be the right decision for you and your family. Good Luck.

[lyoungwirth]

We were matched in a rush/rush situation and got the records of the ultrasound done last Thursday and the baby has hydronephritis and a big problem with his bladder. The mother's drug screen came back positive for cocaine and her labs were incredibly out of whack.

We've pulled out of this adoption and its for the best, but I am so depressed. And I feel horrible for that little baby.

It just seems like our attorney and the facilitator didn't do enough to screen this birthmother. Do most agencies and/or attorneys do background screenings on their prospective birthmothers?