[Underwood]

I've been reading some posts about couples being matched very quickly. Is this just luck w/ some people? My husband & I signed up w/ an agency in June of 2003 & four months later we're still waiting. Our agency did say it could be a year or more, but some of their couples can be matched sooner.

We're adopting domestically. I'm just curious if anyone has had to wait years for their brand new baby? Also, is domestic adoption faster than international? I know four months isn't that long...but it's just so hard waiting ..

just had to vent..thank you

Nicole

[amom4life]

Hi Nicole,
Well, I don't believe in luck. It's just that the children that were meant for these families that were matched fast found them when they should.

We've been waiting 3 mos. and yes it is the hardest part. I believe that it will happen in God's time. It's just not our time yet. But take heart because it will be and when it happens everything will be perfect for our families, the baby , and the birthparents!

HuGs,
Judy

[redhedded]

Yesterday another poster addressed the difficulty of the wait, if you are interested. There were many responses.

Am I the only one?

[Support2Adopt]

Originally posted by Underwood

We're adopting domestically. I'm just curious if anyone has had to wait years for their brand new baby?
Nicole

We have adopted four newborns. Our longest wait was 9 months. Our shortest was 6 days. So much depends on how open you are to different situations.
JJ

[lizzie373]

Don't get discouraged- the waiting is very hard! We did a lot of networking on our own- which made me feel better because I was busy getting the word out in hopes we would connect with someone!! We were matched 4 months from our first homestudy meeting- It will happen!! Keep your chin up!!!!

[cathy102]

I know that wait is hard. Just trust in God and He will have the baby that is meant to be in your home in His timing..My friend has waited almost 2 years and she has a possible match. She meets with the expectant mom on Sunday..I feel this is the one for her..

Take care..Your time will come..

Cathy

[tobeafamily]

One of the things that helped me during the 'wait' time was to do our own personal networking....it also led to the connection that brought us our beautiful son.

Being able to do SOMETHING each and every day helped with the stress, even if that particular action didn't bring us any leads or possible connections.

I'm happy to share with you what we did, most of it was low or no cost, just pm or email me.

Best of luck,

Regina, Amom to Ryan Joshua Thomas

[Slugbug]

We've been waiting for 14 months....we had a failed adoption 2 months ago....a major disaster. only lasted 3 weeks but was an emotional roller coaster. The waiting is sooooo hard. I'm about to give up hope! I get so tired of hearing "things are just slow right now" it makes me sick!! Sorry to be so down but I'm so stressed about the whole adoption thing! Good Luck to you...I hope your wait isn't so long! What agency are you going through?

[merts1234]

Slugbug,
I also understand what you are going through. We have been waiting 2 yrs in Jan. We are feeling all the same emotions that you are. We have lost money and not to mention the stress of it all. I know God is their for us but it is still very hard to hold on. If you need a E-Pal mail me at merts1234@yahoo.com . I envey everyone who has matched so soon. Hang in there! Merts

[Underwood]

To all that have responded to me...thanks...I called our attorney today & she said to do a lot of networking, but also that a few possible bmom's have seen our "dear bmom" letter...that made me feel good.

I have to say I feel for all of you who have long waits to get a baby. This is the hardest part of adoption & i do have faith we'll get a baby when the time is right, even if it takes a few years. I love hearing all your stories!

Nicole

[gregram]

My DH and I have been waiting since June 03 as well. In the beginning doing the homestudy,profile etc things moved so fast, now I check my email, answering machine, and cell phone constantly just hoping I missed a message and that our bundle of joy is waiting for us. Good luck!
gregram

[Jenny1565]

You also asked about International adoption. We will travel to Russia next month to pick up our daughter, Lauren Eliana. International adoption times also vary for each person, depending on the agency, the country, the region in country, the sex and age of child wanted, etc. If I had known a year ago that it would take a year to get our daughter, I would have gone crazy. Now, we are only a month away from having her in our arms forever. Many couples adopt within about six to nine months. The upside to International adoption is that there are very few failed adoptions, as there are no birth parents involved, and no six month wait after adoption until finalization. In Russia, there is a six month wait from when the child enters the orphanage until they are adoptable (off the Russian databank), so the child will be at least six months old when you get them. It also is generally more expensive, but it was what we were meant to do. Everything in God's time!
Jenny

[Bella'sMomToBe]

I am adopting from Guatemala and I cannot even begin to tell you the pain of meeting your baby and then leaving your baby and waiting for your baby to come home.

My baby is now six months old. I was referred to her when she was days old. My husband and I met her in Guatemala when she was four months old.

I am to the point where I cry almost on a daily basis. Everything family makes me think of how nice it will be to finally be a family. I imagine her and I and my husband having such a great time.

I think you are doing the right thing-adopting domestically. You will be placed with a baby in time and will get your baby when it is days old.

Yes, waiting is very, very difficult but just keep thinking about the reward!!! It will happen.

[Tphagans]

We signed with our agency in October 2002, we got lots of calls about situations. None were right for us. We were matched last month with a birthmom and birthfather. She is due Dec.29th, this is a great match. I kept busy during that time. The time does go slow I think if you focus on it all the time. Keep busy, I'll keep you in my prayers. It will happen when you least expect it. When it does things will start to go fast.

[lisa in venice]

The wait is the worst part of the adoption rollercoaster. For me the matches that didn't work out were not nearly as stressful as tha great unknown of "the wait". I am just about the most impatient person you will ever meet so even our very short waits were too long for me. One of my favorite quotes is: "the trouble with immediate gratification is that it takes too long" That gives you some indication of my personality. I don't think the factor that IF plays in the strees of the wait is talked about enough. It is like the decision to adopt came to us suddenly and we are somehow unrealistic or ungrateful if we don't want to wait for months or years.

Most of us HAVE been "waiting " years before we move on to adoption. How many of us delayed child bearing to wait for the right partner, to complete our educations and become financallly stable only to hit barrier after barrier in building our families? If we are impatient it is understandable. There is nothing wrong with being impatient as long as it does not lead you to do unethical things.

The right baby/child/ren are out there for everyone but finding them is the challenge. I do believe that God has a plan and the right situation will come to you but often it takes efforts on our part. While the amount of time you wait can be pure dumb luck the fact is that the more open you are the more situations you will be shown, the more situations the faster the match. I highly encourage people to do some research into trans racial adoption, open adoption, drugs etc. You may find that situations you would have turned down are not as scary as you first thought. After spending some time with people who have adopted children that you ruled out you may reconsider. On the other hand it may confirm your initial feelings. Either way it helps you to be more in control of the process. The wait is easier if you feel a least some sense of power.

The other thing is to get yourself out there and network. tell everyone you know that you want to adopt. Get a profile (or two, or three) on line. See if attorneys will keep a copy of your profile "just in case". Make buiness cards. Sign up with agencies that network with other agencies and professionals. Talk to your clergy, network with crisis pg centers. Talk to other adoptive parents. If nothing else this keeps you busy during the wait.

lisa