[Support2Adopt]

Since we have a new thread about an adoption scam, I think it might be beneficial to have a thread about how to try to avoid adoption scams.
Have any of the posters here been scammed? If so, what kind of red flags did you see, if any?
I'll start a list of things to do to try to avoid being scammed and I hope other posters jump in with their ideas.
First, never offer any kind of financial aid until you have proof of pregnancy. There are people who will pretend to be pregnant, just to scam for money.
Never send cash. If there is a bill to pay, pay it directly to the company. If, for example, a request is made for maternity clothes, send a gift certificate.
Always check the law to see if the expense you are asked to pay is legal.
Who's next with ideas?
JJ

[carriewoman]

Hi,

As a general rule of thumb I never offer money to anyone and expect something out of it. So, if you did give any one any kind of financial support, remember you are taking a chance, don't assume that means you will end up with a baby. My husband and I talked to our lawyer about this and she said usually they recommend opening a trust account and every financial expence for the birthmom should come from that through the lawyers. If it is not a general pregnancy expence it should be approved through a judge. (at least in the state of WA) She also said if you did want to buy the birth mom a gift (such as a maternity outfit) that you should actually buy the outfit, or as in the last comment, get a specific gift certificate. And also as the last post stated, if things like rent are in the agreement (and you should have an agreement made with your lawyers approval) it should be paid directly to the place it is owed.... not to the birthmom. I wouldn't suggest paying anything without consulting a lawyer first because there is nothing legally you can do to get that money back. Also in some states there are laws about what is legal to pay for a birthmother. You don't want a good deed to end up getting you in trouble.
That was long, lol. Anyway good luck everyone and good idea on this post!!
Carrie

[tobeafamily]

Kay Green at Preciouskids.org has a great article on this:

http://www.preciouskids.org/adopt/scam.html

Here's what they have to say:

Birth Mom Scams
It seems most of the adoption birth mom scams (potential birth moms not really placing babies) have had several of the following warning signs. Just because one of these signs exist does NOT mean it is a scam. Just be careful and be wise. Always use a licensed adoption agency, lawyer or facilitator. Check reference of any agency, attorney or facilitator as well.
Please verify all facts given you by a prospective birth mom.

1. The birth mom wants money! Not all scammers want money. Some do it only for the attention. Only give money through a licensed attorney, agency or facilitator. Do not give money directly to a birth mother.

2. The birth mom has several crisis emergencies. Or drops hints that she needs money for food, rent, payments or needs but does not ask for money directly.

3. The birth mom wants to bring the baby TO you. Most real birth moms want you to come to them. This is used to get you to buy plane tickets for them that they can then cash in later. Many families have lost money by purchasing plane tickets.

4. The birth mom is not available by phone or address is not verifiable. She only wants to call you. Always verify these with caller ID or at 411.com. You can verify addresses through the post office when asking for a zip code.

5. She misses or breaks several scheduled talks or meetings. Her reasons will always sound legit.

6. She does not send proof or pregnancy or other requested documents. She seems to always have a reason for not sending you identifying information. A sudden miscarriage or hospitalization when you ask for too much info.

7. She does not know who the birth father is. She does not want you to contact anyone else concerning her pregnancy. She will not give you real names or numbers of doctors.

8. She is unwilling to meet or talk to your attorney/agency.

9. She puts you off about certain details. She is vague. Or she gets quiet when you talk about certain details like lawyers or signing away parental rights etc.

10. Her story has more than one version. She changes what she wants and needs in the adoption.

11. The baby is twins or a girl! Most often this is the case for many scammers.


AND

Adoptive Parent Scams
It seems that birth moms also need to look for warning signs that adoptive parents may not be able to work with them or will not follow through with the agreed upon contact. I have heard from several birth moms who have had this happen. If you are a birth mom looking for a family for your child watch for these possible warning signs.

1. A family that tells you how much contact they want after the birth then change it when you tell them it is different than you need.

2. A family that makes demands rather than requests.

3. A family that does not return your emails or phone calls.

4. A family that seems like they are desperate and will do anything to get your baby.

Adoptive families we need to be certain to care about the feeling and needs of birth mothers. These incredible woman give us gifts of life. Please be sensitive and caring about them not just the baby they carry. Also live up to word of what you agreed to after the adoption (pictures, visits, etc.). I have talked to many birth moms devastated because after the adoption the adoptive family stopped sending photos and letters or refused the visits. Please give you word and keep your word!

Good info!

Regina, AMom to Ryan Joshua Thomas

[usocwazee]

We used and agency/attorney and still got scammed. Unfortunately NOTHING IS FOOLPROOF! The birthmother, Connie found a way to get money from multiple people w/out legal reprecussions.
We were the only couple using an attorney, the other three couples that were communicating and met w/Connie during the same time frame as we were, were not using an agency or an attorney. She was basically promising them the baby and taking their money. Yes, they were the ones who made the grave error of sending someone money w/out legal representation (over 5k between the three of them) but we also shelled out over 7k ourselves thru the agencey's trust acct we had set up for her so bills could be taken care of. I took the liberty as the previous poster said, to buy some of the maternity clothes because I wanted to make sure she didn't spend the money unwisely. She was allotted 300.00 in maternity clothing, I spent the first 150.00 on clothes and she was given 150.00 which was considered a "clothing allowance" and approved by a judge, which she decided to spend on outstanding court fees. There is much more to this if you want to read my previous posts in regard to it We're getting angrier everyday Help!
What she did is not illegal in the eyes of the Sarasota Police Dept who was investigating her. She had to be signed up with more than one agency and receiving money from more than one agency in order for her to be prosecuted for fraud. Which she supposedly was not, I have other evidence to show she was working with another agency A Bond Of Love (Sarasota) during the same time frame. So its ok....... for a birthmother to promise 4 couples a child, take their money willingly and not one of the four couples adopted the child. I have chosen not to pursue this because "the system" does not work. I am also 6 months pregnant (I found out 1 week after this baby was born May 15th) I thank God everyday that I do not have to go thru adoption, we would never in a million years attempt to do it again because of this. I trust no one which is very sad. My hubby was adopted and we thought it would be a great way to expand our family and help out someone who really needed/and wanted it. I know that not every birthmother is like the one we encountered, but how do you overcome that after what has been done. We never will.

[Support2Adopt]

What a great post Regina!
Thank you so much for giving warning signs for potentail Birthmothers as well.
For the Birthmothers reading this thread, what other things should someone placing their baby for adoption be warned about?
JJ

[Support2Adopt]

uso,
First off, congrats on your pregnancy! Secondly, I can understand your negative feelings in regards to adoption, but please know that there are many success srories out there as well.
JJ

[Support2Adopt]

Here's an interesting article written by a Birthmother regarding adoption scams.
JJ


Written by: Courtney Frey, a birthmother, about avoiding scams:
1.) Use 1-800 numbers on your websites, or list your attorney's or agencies number. This will protect you from anyone finding out where you live. It will also keep most scam artists from contacting you. They don't want to talk to an attorney.

2.) Be leery when you are approached via e-mail or through a chat room.

* Do not go into a chatroom and write, "I am looking for a birthmother." Or, "Are there any expecting girls in here?" This is like standing on a street corner holding wads of cash out. Scammers will see that and jump on it. If a potential birthmother is honestly looking for potential adoptive parents she is most likely going to use major adoption sites. She is less likely to search via chat rooms.

* via e-mail: warning signs: Receiving pictures right away. E-mails consisting of "hard times" (for example, my car just broke down, I have no where to live, my boyfriend just left me etc.) Asking for your phone number right away.

3.) NEVER send money.

4.) Once you have been contacted, network with others in the adoption community. Tell them about the person who has contacted you, share your stories. The on-line community is actually quite close and if you use each other to keep an eye out, you're more likely to be safe. Just recently a scam artist was caught this way.

5.) Make sure you are represented by a reliable agency, attorney or facilitator. Get your agency or your attorney involved as quickly as possible. If you have been contacted and feel that the woman is serious, tell your agency/attorney all the information you have. Ask the potential birthmother to get in contact with the agency/attorney. Do this before you spend hundreds of dollars on phone bills, or invest in planning anything.

The best way to avoid being scammed once contact has been secured and the agency/attorney is involved is actually quite simple. Communication. As early as possible the potential birthmother should be getting counseling and support. Don't let her wait until she is eight months pregnant before she looks at and understands all her options. If she hasn't had adequate support or information, and been given the opportunity to evaluate her choices, this might cause her to question herself when it gets close to the finalization. While this is the agencies responsibility, you must as well make sure for yourself, that this has happened. We are naive in thinking that she will not have second thoughts unless she's been prepared for what is to come.

[usocwazee]

JJ

I totally agree with you that there are many successful and honest adoptions that happen everyday. My husbands is an example, but his was 37 years ago, things were very different. He found his birthmom 2 years ago and they have a great relationship. We just are one of those types of people that if you get burned once we will not let it happen again. We had too many hearts involved (my husband my daughter and myself and all of our family) in this and I could not bear to go through something like that again, to us its just not worth it. And like I said I am pregnant, with all going very well I might add, we really aren't even exploring adoption at all anymore. We are very fortunate to have that choice because of our current circumstances, I only wish every one could be as lucky as us.
We had many red flags along the way through our adoption,many are included in the above lists, unfortunately I chose to ignore and make excuses for them. I regret that now, I also never really looked into the "red flags" prior to the whole mess, I wish I had. Shoulda woulda coulda we can honestly say though it was a learning experience we will never forget.

[Support2Adopt]

I think when one is in the middle of an adoptive situation, emotions and hopes can run so high, that one doesn't always see the red flags until it's too late.
JJ

[Sharon]

"Signs of a Scam
by ABC Adoptions.com

Adoption scams can occur with birthmothers-to-be, adoptive parents, and adoption professionals. Listed below are common situations which we have observed. Watch for the signs and be careful. Do not jump to conclusions and try not to be overly suspicious and hurt honest people.

Birthmother Scams

1. Usually the motivation for birthmother scams are to take your money. She needs money for rent, food, etc. Only give money to a birthmother-to-be through an attorney or qualified adoption professional. The amount limits and circumstances vary by state law. Do not give money directly to a birthmother.

2. If the birthmother is not available by phone and wants to call you because of an on going situation, beware! You should have a contact number and complete physical address that you can verify.

3. A birthmother may not even be pregnant or could be pregnant and has other plans for the baby, including keeping the baby or promising the baby to several waiting adoptive parents. Look for those signs.

4. The birthmother has at least one or more crisis in her life and you are part of the solution. This can include sad stories such as rape and incest. Be sensitive, but do not be drawn into the whole situation.

5. The birthmother offers a plan to bring the baby to you. Birthmothers usually want you to meet her and arrange to receive the baby at the hospital. This ploy is used to get a plane ticket which can be cashed in later. Do not give anyone a plane ticket. Many adopting parents have lost money by purchasing a plane ticket and never hearing from the, supposed, birthmother again

5. The birthmother flakes out. She misses scheduled meetings with you or other professionals. With an unbelievable story she is convincing.

6. Proof or pregnancy or other documents are agreed upon, but never seem to arrive. She seems to always have a reason for not sending you identifying information or cannot believe that you have not received the information. A sudden miscarriage or hospitalization can happen when you request for too much information.

7. The birthmother does not want you to contact anyone else concerning her pregnancy. She does not feel comfortable meeting or talking with an attorney or other adoption professional. When pressed, she might accuse you of not trusting her and can even get angry.

8. The birthmother will not give you, but will get you the name of her doctor or clinic where she is receiving medical attention.

9. The birthmother will evade certain details regarding medical attention, signing parental rights, contacting social services or adoption professionals.

10. The birthmother changes her story about the pregnancy or her situation. If a birthmother is talking to several adoptive parents, her story can change because she cannot remember what she said to you.

11. Be careful if the birthmother is expecting twins. This is a popular situation with an adoption scam. In the natural course, ask for proof of pregnancy and how are you able to contact her doctor.

12. A favorite ploy is for someone to fix you up with a friend. That person might pose as an adoptive parent and not an adoption professional. Be careful that the friend is not the same person. If both have the same IP address watch out!

13. Fake birthmothers are very willing to match quickly and will say you are perfect, without knowing much about you. They are going to send you pictures and other thing, but never do.

14. They have always had complications with the pregnancy.....they usually claim when you cannot find them that they were at the emergency room.

15. The birthmother does not like or want to deal with an attorney or other adoption professional. She has had a bad experience with an attorney and does not want to work with them again.

Adoptive Parents Scams

It seems that birthmothers-to-be also need to look for warning signs that adoptive parents may not be able to work with them or will not follow through with the agreed adoption. Birthmothers-to-be need to watch for these possible warning signs.

1. A family that tells you how much contact they want you to have and after the birth they change what they told you.

2. Adopting parents that makes demands rather than requests and makes you feel second rate.

3. A family that does not return your emails or phone calls and might not be honest with you.

4. A family that seems like they are desperate and will do anything to get your baby.

5. Adopting parent might temp you to break the law by offering you illegal funds or expensive gift beyond what the law allows.

6. The adopting parents might not be qualified, you will have to be the sole judge.

7. Adopting parents might pressure you when you are changing your mind about them, they could have many personal problems, check them out.

Adoption Professional Scams

1. Beware of any adoption professional on the Internet who cannot provide you with information. Get the basics and go from there.

2. If they are an agency, find out the state they are in and their agency license number. It is not necessary for an adoption professional to have a web site, but it helps validate their presence.

3. An adoption facilitator should be carefully looked at, in California, facilitators have to be bonded and in many state they are illegal. You need to research their business.

4. Find out the professionals legal business name, physical address, physical phone number, city business license.

5. If any adoption professional is offended by you asking questions, they are probably not your choice.

6. Check with the Better Business Bureau for any bad reports.

7. Join various Internet egroups or check boards on the Internet for any positive or negative reports.

8. Read any document you sign. Ask the "what if questions". Anything said verbally is always overridden by the contract. Make sure there is a contract.

9. Do not be lured by the fact if you sign a contract, you will have the baby you want. An adoption usually takes time.

10.If a facilitator does not have an established business with a track record and is unknown to the Internet adoption circle, DO NOT SEND MONEY UP-FRONT. A small application fee is about as far as we would recommend. Have your attorney verify the facilitators qualifications. You will need an attorney anyway.

This is a list of common occurrences, many others exist. Think about your actions and always use good judgment.

Attorney General Offices by State

The Attorney General in your state is responsible for protecting the public against fraud and other criminal actions. Listed below are addresses which you can use for your state if you feel that you are a victim of fraud. .


Attorney General
State of Alabama
11 South Union St.
Montgomery AL 36103 Attorney General
State of Montana
Justice Building
215 N. Sanders
Helena MT 59620-1401
Attorney General
State of Alaska
State Capitol
PO Box 110300
Juneau AK 99811-0300 Attorney General
State of Nebraska
State Capitol
PO Box 98920
Lincoln NE 68509
Attorney General
State of Arizona
1275 W Washington St.
Phoenix AZ 85007 Attorney General
State of Nevada
198 S. Carson
Capitol Complex
Carson City NV 89710
Attorney General
State of Arkansas
Tower Building
323 Center St.
Little Rock AR 72201-2610 Attorney General
State of New Hampshire
State House Annex
25 Capitol St.
Concord NH 03301-6397
Attorney General
State of California
1515 K St.
Sacramento CA 95814 Attorney General
State of New Jersey
Richard J. Hughes Justice Complex
25 Market St. CN 080
Trenton NJ 08625
Attorney General
State of Colorado
Department of Law
1525 Sherman St.
Denver CO 80203 Attorney General
State of New Mexico
PO Drawer 1508
Santa Fe NM 87504-1508
Attorney General
State of Connecticut
55 Elm St.
Hartford CT 06106 Attorney General
State of New York
120 Broadway
New York NY 10271
Attorney General
State of Delaware
Carvel State Office Building
820 N French St.
Wilmington DE 19801 Attorney General
State of North Carolina
Department of Justice
PO Box 629
Raleigh NC 27602-0629
Office of the Corporation Counsel
District of Columbia
414 4th St. NW
Washington DC 20001 Attorney General
State of North Dakota
State Capitol
600 East Boulevard Ave.
Bismarck ND 58505-0040
Attorney General
State of Florida
The Capitol, PL 01
Tallahassee FL 32399-1050 Attorney General
State of Ohio
State Office Tower
30 East Broad St.
Columbus OH 43266-0410
Attorney General
State of Georgia
40 Capitol Square SW
Atlanta GA 30334-1300 Attorney General
State of Oklahoma
State Capitol
2300 N Lincoln Blvd., Room 112
Oklahoma City OH 73105
Attorney General
State of Hawaii
425 Queen St.
Honolulu HI 96813 Attorney General
State of Oregon
Justice Building
1162 Court St. NE
Salem OR 97310
Attorney General
State of Idaho
PO Box 83720
Boise ID 83720-0010 Attorney General
State of Pennsylvania
Strawberry Square
Harrisburg PA 17120
Attorney General
State of Illinois
J.R. Thompson Center
100 W Randolph St.
Chicago IL 60601 Attorney General
State of Rhode Island
72 Pine St.
Providence RI 02903
Attorney General
State of Indiana
219 State House
Indianapolis IN 46204 Attorney General
State of South Carolina
Rembert C. Dennis Office Building
PO Box 11549
Columbia SC 29211-1549
Attorney General
State of Iowa
Hoover State Office Building
Des Moines IA 50319 Attorney General
State of South Dakota
500 E Capitol
Pierre SD 57501-5070
Attorney General
State of Kansas
Judicial Building
301 W 10th St.
Topeka KS 66612-1597 Attorney General
State of Tennessee
450 James Robertson Parkway
Nashville TN 37243-0495
Attorney General
State of Kentucky
State Capitol, Room 116
Frankfort KY 40601 Attorney General
State of Texas
Capitol Station
PO Box 12548
Austin TX 78711-2548
Attorney General
State of Louisiana
Department of Justice
PO Box 94005
Baton Rouge LA 70804-4095 Attorney General
State of Utah
State Office Building
Salt Lake City UT 84114
Attorney General
State of Maine
State House Building
Augusta ME 04333 Attorney General
State of Vermont
109 State Street
Montpelier VT 05609-1001
Attorney General
State of Maryland
200 Saint Paul Place
Baltimore MD 21202-2202 Attorney General
State of Virginia
Supreme Court Building
101 North Eighth Street, 5th Floor
Richmond VA 23219
Attorney General
State of Massachusetts
1 Ashburton Place
Boston MA 02108-1698 Attorney General
State of Washington
PO Box 40100
905 Plum Street, Building 3
Olympia WA 98504-0100
Attorney General
State of Michigan
PO Box 30212
525 W Ottawa Street
Lansing MI 48909-0212 Attorney General
State of West Virginia
State Capitol
Charleston WV 25305-0070
Attorney General
State of Minnesota
State Capitol
Suite 102
St. Paul MN 55155 Attorney General
State of Wisconsin
State Capitol
PO Box 7857
Madison WI 53707-7857
Attorney General
State of Mississippi
Department of Justice
PO Box 220
Jackson MS 39205-0220 Attorney General
State of Wyoming
State Capitol Building
Cheyenne WY 82002
Attorney General
State of Missouri
Supreme Court Building
207 W High St.
Jefferson City MO 65102