[kazangel04]

Has anyone here ever felt anxious that you might not feel as strongly toward baby #2 as you do about your first child? I've got a little one (donor egg/husband's sperm) who is just the most wonderful child any mom could ask for. My family doesn't feel complete yet, but at same time I'm a little scared about how I'll feel if #2 doesn't feel as much like "my own" as my first does. It's weird cuz my first child is not my bio child, but she feels like she is "ours" especially since she is almost a copy of my husband in both her looks and personality. I'm happy with our decision to adopt, but this feeling still nags me a bit. Is this normal? Thanks, Kazangel.

[GE_Glows]

Well, I don't know about anyone else, but I remember feeling that way while I was pregnant with my 2nd child. I grew up an only child so the concept of equal love to multiple children was foreign to me. My hubby is the baby of 8 so he had no worries! Once my daughter was born, and I looked at her little face, I never again thought about loving less. I wouldn't worry if I were you, just as you felt immediate love for your first child, you will for your second. I really don't think the adoption part has anything to do with it.
If you're really concerned, I urge you to pray and ask God to give you peace in your heart. After all, he already loves your 2nd little one!

Gayle

[withopenarms]

Your post made me smile , I soo remember feeling this way. Yes this is totally normal. I have two bio children and I worried that I was to selfish to love a child(first one) I was so wrong. Then when I was pregnant with #2 I too worried I would love her as much as the first. I was so wrong again We have been foster parents for over three years and finally got a placement that was a forty eight hour old little boy and I panicked thinking what if I don't love it as much as my two bio children. I looked at him and Thank God I was wrong again I with all honesty can say my heart knows No difference in any of my children. I love them all so much. I can't beleive how your heart can just keep growing and growing. I think finally four our fourth and final addition (someday) I do not worry at all about that. Sorry I kinda rambled but I just love my kids so much and thought it was cute how you felt the same way. Good Luck and It will all be ok

[HappyTwinsMom]

We're in "waiting mode" for adoption #2 / baby #3 right now and the feelings you mentioned haven't occurred to me...yet! I remember friends saying similar things, though, when they were expecting, so I won't be at all surprised if these thoughts rear up later on in our journey.

Thank you for sharing your feelings so openly. And just remember...love doesn't divide; it multiplies!

[stacyone]

A phrase a friend of mine used is "You grow a second heart"... because you love them all with your whole heart.

[JessTK]

I had to laugh, I was just remembering as I was playing with my youngest yesterday that I was worried about that very same thing, "will i love him as much as my oldest?" Well I tell you, I SURE DO!, and now I laugh every time I think that I worried about that...... Glad to hear it's pretty normal.

[MomofKaden]

Heck, our only son was adopted and I am baffled at how I could love any other child as much when the time comes to adopt another - so know that it is just a universal love of a mom type of thing - not a biological/donor/treatment/adoption specific feeling!

[MAG]

I can TOTALLY relate. I have a biological daughter and when she was 6 we decided to adopt a second child. My daughter was the most perfect child I could ever want and in my heart I knew I would love this new baby, but thought there had to be a line dividing my heart because there was no way I could love a child like I do mine. I kept thinking that I would love them both, but there had to be a difference in the love. I WAS SO WRONG - that was 10 years ago. My kids are just that, my kids - no different whether bio or adopted. My heart had/has room for both - no line.
Its just wonderful.

some people I know that could not have children and decided not to adopt because "they felt that had to have their own". I always tell them my little story, but some are just too pigheaded to believe me. I also tell them that I would rather go through the child birth and take the pain. Adoption is just such an emotional roller coaster - maybe that why we appreciate them just as much.

As soon as they place that baby in your arms you will just melt.

Good luck and take care

[kalynn]

Oh yes, I've been very worried about the same thing, but all fears have been put to rest in the last 3 weeks with the arrival of our 3 year old son. I was doubly worried as I did not bond immediately with my dd when we adopted her, and I had post adoption depression to complicate matters. I was really worried about the second, but I've immediately fallen for him. If anything, my love hasn't doubled but quadrupled, as I can appreciate my daughter even more than previously. Good luck, Kalynn.

[cathy102]

No worries about the second child at all!!! Can't wait to be a new mom again and give the baby as much love as the first!!!

Cathy