[bjolly]

my partner and I are hoping to adopt a waiting child from the foster care system. We are working with an agency who has been very supportive & we're only going to work with states that have a reputation for being open to gay families. We're female, if that makes any difference. We're open to older children (actually prefer kids over age 4) and any race, boy or girl, etc. What we're afraid of is that children's caseworkers will not pick us for their children because we're a same sex couple. Has anyone had experience with this? Are caseworkers receptive? Or should we brace ourselves for a long wait?

[Opus]

Our friends, two women, adopted siblings out of the system in Massachusetts. At the time the kids were 7 and 8 y.o. They said they had no problems with their kids' caseworker and experienced the same wait as any couple would in the system.

They are doing beautifully in their forever family. Good luck on your journey to parenthood.

[vbandsf]

We're a lesbian couple and we just got matched with a girl, 11, and a boy, 6 (we're thrilled). Our caseworker is INCREDIBLY supportive, the kids' social worker didn't bat an eye, and the kids' social worker's supervisor was also very supportive. We're in Los Angeles County, working with the Dept. of Children & Family Services.

Oddly, the kids had an interrupted adoption just before us - a gay male couple (who didn't want an older girl, but did want a younger boy, from what we've heard). They decided to try it then changed their minds.

Another of our friends (a single gay woman) just finalized adoption of two boys, and we talked to a gay male couple about their adoption of their daughters. I guess when they change the birth certificates, they xxx out "mother" and "father" and type in "parent" for each.

Our biggest problem now - county wants them in our home before school starts and hot darn that's August 14th - and we haven't met them yet! (Tuesday's the day, wish it was this afternoon but the social workers can't make it until then.) Thank heavens our supervisors at our jobs are supportive as well.

Bottom line - there's 40,000+ kids in LA County's system, and they need responsible parents really badly - particularly for older kids and for minorities.

Also, we didn't use an agency - we went to the state for our foster license ourselves so we don't have to deal with yet another entity - it worked really well. We're now our own little foster family home. The state was also very supportive - no problems there.

Best of luck!

[J.Ro]

Hi there, I too am part of a lesbian couple who is in the process of foster licensing with the intention of foster to adopt. We have been met with nothing but open doors at this point. Our homestudy is just a few weeks away from completion (the fire inspector was dragging his feet), and I've called a few workers in other states about kids (we're in NC).

Everyone, and I mean everyone, has been open and willing to work with us.

The catch for us (living in Jesse Helms' state) is that only one of us may adopt. We do know another couple that worked around that. The non-adopting partner "sued" the other for joint custody, and a judge signed off on it.

I have wondered the same thing as you though, but so far it doesn't seem to be the case.

Best of luck!
J.Ro

[dadfor2]

bjolly,

were from MA. and there were quite a few gay/lesbain couples that we went through our MAP classess with and have stayed in touch with. (god knows we can use all the support we can get....lol.) They have all adopted and had no problems at all.

They were all welcomed with open arms and were treated like any str8 couple. (the way it should be). Being female or male, would have nothing to do with it, social workers are looking for loving homes to raise these kids.

If your planning on adopting older kids, there shouldnt be any problems at all, dont worry about it. If your going for an infant, you might have to wait for a long time. The fact that you have a supportive agency working with you, you dont need to worry then.

Good luck on your new family, take a deep breath, and enjoy the journey.

It sounds like your adopting older kids, which is wonderful, there are so many and need loving homes as im sure your is.

dadfor2

[bjolly]

thanks for all the encouraging responses! we're really excited about becoming moms, and it's good to hear that other gay couples have had good experiences. We're going through a nonprofit agency that has a special program for older/waiting kids & can help us work with DSS in pretty much any state. We're finishing up our training now and getting ready to begin the homestudy.

vbandsf, that's so exciting that you were just matched! be sure to post again and let us know how everything goes with the first meeting. Dadfor2, thanks for your kind words. You sound like a great dad! JRo, we can only have 1 of us on the birth cert initially too, but we have been told it will be fairly easy to do a second parent adoption later to add the other name. Does NC allow that?

[ellieroze]

Are there any gay couples in the State of Washington that have adopted? We are running in to trouble with the state and all of their "requirements". I am the biological mother of the child being adopted. The papers were filed on the 30th of July and the Judge wouldn't even look at them until we bought an adoption kit from the State. What's up with that? We are all in agreement, the bio parents, adoptive parents, and my son. I know there are other requirements, but we are facing so much resistance already. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[out2pgh]

We are a gay couple living outside of Pittsburgh and although we are only a four or five months into the process, I feel very comfortable with the agency, Lutheran Service Society. Our home study was completed at the beginning of July.

One bright sign is that there are many Pittsburgh agencies reaching out in the g/l/b press here in Pittsburgh's Out newspaper.

It is of concern that agencies will tell samesex couples that they will need to wait longer. The younger and healthier the child, the longer wait. We have been matched with several children. Our home study has been sent out to many agencies. What drives us crazy is the outdated listings of children that are no longer availble. Our agency knows we are a strong and secure couple that has been raising our 16 year old son (bfather from previous marriage). Since we can adopt sibblings from infant to 8 years olds, we have been match often through different exchanges including Three Rivers Adoption Council. Of course our first choice would be adopting an infant from the foster care system and we are open to the possibility of children up to 8. We have considered adopting overseas, but have been scared off by the fees.

By all mean, build a strong relationship with the agency you are working with and don't be afraid to contact them often. Use their email address to forward listings of children you are interested in and utilize all adoption sites that have free profile and matching services for home study approved families.

[vbandsf]

Hey, just to let anyone know, our meeting went really well and we sign the kids into our home tomorrow (I posted two weeks ago about our match).

Everyone connected with them (therapist, foster mother, social workers, etc) are thrilled with this - the kids are amazing but since the girl is already 11 the chances of getting an adoptive family was slim for them - but they're so great (not problem free, however, as the 6 year old boy talks like a gangbanger and they have some serious teasing issues - last Sunday, for the first time in my life, I used the phrase "Do I have to pull this car over?!")

School starts Monday - any kind thoughts in the direction of LA would be appreciated BTW, I whispered to the school secretary that we're a lesbian couple and she whispered back "So? We have several!"

[Pblair]

Congratulations! My Mom used that phrase a lot with the 5 of us.....lol
Pat

[hippiechick]

I work with CPS in Washington State. I saw your post and just wanted to let you know that I've seen two lesbian couples adopt from the state in the past year. It happens all the time--and the state laws of non-discrimination are on your side.

Even if there are case workers who are personally opposed to same-sex families, they cannot afford to be that picky...especially since you are wanting to take an older child. There will always be a few who won't approve of your family, but that will probably be true throughout your entire life...learning how to cope with closed minded people can benefit you, though--you'll teach your children how to live open mindedly in a closed minded world...

[J.Ro]

Congrats vbandsf!!!! That is so exciting. We have all our paperwork complete and are now just waiting on our SW.

I'm a new teacher, and for the first time ever this past year, I found myself saying "because I said so." Ugh....who'd of thought it!

J.Ro

[bjolly]

congratulations, vbandsf! please keep us posted on the kids' progress.

Beth

[rsgorman]

I was so happy to see this thread of discussion!!!!
My partner and I are in the final stages of adopting our first child. I was so afraid when we went to our first class that I couldn't even look around to see who was in the class with us.

Well here we are 1 year later and the adoption should be final in October 04. Nevada actually stated that they would rather place with same sex couples/families as these placements were more successful.

I would like to chat with other same sex couples that are adopting and fostering for support. Also my partner is working on his dissertation and the topic is about same sex adoptive parents and the affects the children. Also, I am currently working on a research paper about foster children and the over use/abuse of meds.

[echaos]

rsgorman,

I just wanted to point you to a thread in the blended parenting section that I started. It's a safe place for GBLT parents to chat, share ideas and concerns. Come on over and check us out.


http://forums.adoption.com/t140838.html