[Candace]

Hi, everyone,

You have helped myself and my husband in the past with an adoption, and I have asked questions recently concerning certain agencies, and now we have narrowed our choice down to three Texas agencies that (claim) they can help us find a situation involving a full Hispanic baby. Any advice in helping us choose is greatly appreciated. Here's what we know about each agency:

Adoption Services Associates: Will cost 18-23K with no refund for birthmother changing her mind. Have 20% of birthmothers that do change mind. Time frame to match is 6-12 mos.

Adoption Acess: Will cost 23.5K, with refund of expenses if birthmother changes her mind (10% do). Time change to match is 12 mos-24 mos.

Adoption Advisory, Inc.: Will cost 25K, with no refund of expenses if birthmother changes her mind (10% do). Time to match is 8 mos. -12 mos.

We have a Guatemalan daughter already, and are not at all gender specific; we only wish for an all or part Hispanic child. We would appreciate any input any of you have regarding any of these agencies, or "what would you do if you were in our shoes" type answers.

Please post to this forum or email at faylorfamily@hotmail.com.

Thanks again so much.

[tobeafamily]

These fees are all very high for domestic parental placement adoption. Are these all licensed child placing agencies?

The total cost of our adoption of DS was $14K including legals, homestudy, advertising costs, counseling for us and DS' birth family, travel, etc., and ours was on the high side. Most that I have seen are between $6-$12K total, including legals.

I also personally believe that it is entirely possible to adopt a newborn of any race within 1 year of searching domestically. This is based on our experience as well as the experience of 10 other couples we are friends with.

Are you searching yourselves also? IMHO this is probably the most successful way to adopt domestically. If you like I'll be happy to send you a list of search tips.

HTH,

Regina, AMom to Ryan Joshua Thomas 4/24/02

[chris27288]

hello tobeafamily,
we are in the same boat as previous poster (kids from guat, now wihs to do domestic adoption). what ideas or how does one pursue domestic adoption ourselves?
thanks
chris

[tobeafamily]

First, if you haven't already, I recommend you get copies of these books from the library or buy them:

"The Open Adoption Experience" by Lois Molina
"Adopting in America: How to Adopt Within One Year" by Randall HIcks
"Dear Birthmother" by Kathleen Silber

IMHO, one of the key areas where domestic and international adoptions vary is in the role of an agency. In international adoption, agencies are key to placing children - it's very difficult if not impossible to connect with a child internationally without them.

In domestic, agencies have less of a role in connecting. Of all the situations we know personally (10 families) who have domestically adopted, only one made their connection through an agency. All the others came from networking, advertising, etc.

Here are the searching techniques we used to connect:

We had created a master e-mailing list of all our friends, family, close business associates, etc. We used this list to ask for help in searching, and kept the group updated every 2-3 weeks or so with how things were progressing. One of these list members, a "work friend" of mine from a previous employer (we mostly trade jokes on e-mail), made the connection. She had gotten an "update" from us about a week before her ex-husband's daughter found out she was pregnant and decided on adoption. So we were fresh in her mind.

A few other things we did that generated leads and one other family being made:

1. Made up business cards with brief blurb and our contact info. Left them everywhere - restrooms at movie theaters, hockey games, fast food restaurants, airports, etc. We gave cards to waitstaff, left them on pay phones, bulletin boards, ATM machines, etc. We got 9 leads, one of which turned into a connection & placement for another family using our agency. We asked friends and family to do the same and ended up with a "mad mad carder brigade". We got cards pretty inexpensively at Vista Print www.vistaprint.com.

2. Sent out letters to hospitals, doctors, etc. Got one call from a social worker that almost turned into a placement for another family. This would've been very expensive if my employer hadn't let us use their color copier though.

3. Put up flyers in our cars with our info on them, as did some of our friends. Also put flyers up in laundromats, bulletin boards, etc. Got several calls from these, especially the cars.

4. Created a simple website and posted it on adopting.org, abcadoptions.com, preciouskids.org, all the search engines, and everywhere we could do it for free or a low fixed cost. We did get some e-mails and phone calls from prospective situations, though not a tremendous number.

ABC Adoptions has a 'birthmothers seeking situations' area where they send leads to you as one of their 'listing families' by email. Kay at Preciouskids will send you periodically all the 'available situations' from facilitators when you list with her.

5. We advertised in the local and some college newspapers. We didn't get much response, but others we're aware of made their connection this way. We also put an 'on screen' advertisement at one of the local movie theaters - that got us zero leads.

6. We also put a short 'ad' for ourselves including phone # and website as the 'signature line' on our e-mail and asked friends to do this as well. Don't honestly know if we got any leads from that one but we figured it was free and couldn't hurt, especially if people didn't strip signatures on forwards.

Also, we really told everyone. I have a heart-shaped red button with the word ADOPT! on it that I'd wear places. You'd be amazed how many people came up and asked me about it, giving me a chance to give out a card and ask. I got 4 separate leads from people in a professional group who knew we were searching - either their friends/family or an employee became pregnant, etc. We told our postman and the guy who delivers the newspaper.

It was very hard at first (we really are private people) but got much easier with time and as leads formed. We also found so many "gifts" - notes of support from strangers, friends sharing their adoption stories (adoptees, adoptive parents, birth parents) that we had never heard, so many prayers. We are continually amazed and touched.

If we can help more, please shout! Best of luck.

Regina

[kjdaisey]

Candace-
I know domestic private adoptions can run very high with a high risk for losing money. I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors. Have you looked into using a referral agency to find a birthmom? A couple online info sites are Lifetime Adoptions and TLA Adoptions. THIS IS NOT AN ADVERTISEMENT! We have not used them and seriously do not know if they work. However, it is an alternative way to find a birthmom...The process of using a referral agency is part private/part agency adoption. They screen the birthmoms and adoptive families, but you need an attorney to complete the legal end of it in your state. LIfetime lists their birthmoms online, with brief info and race of baby. Good luck!

[tobeafamily]

Please be careful when using a 'referral service' (also sometimes called a 'facilitator', there are differences but they're minor, both are unregulated by any state except for California). In many states (such as Virginia) it's illegal to pay anyone to 'connect' you with a potential birth family. Some of the less ethical organizations won't advise you of that or will coach you on ways to 'get around' the laws in your state if they, too, prohibit use of referral services or facilitators.

IMHO

Regina, AMom to Ryan Joshua Thomas