[Bjennifer]

Well we are getting ready to start our homestudy and now we have to start concentrating on a profile/dear birthmother letter. We have not picked an agency/attorney and are still researching for the best one. Just when you stop stressing over one thing the next step comes and the stress starts over again. My Dh and my parents are very supportive and are always telling me to relax. How is that possible when you are trying to do everything correctly to fill the void in your life. Sometimes I feel all alone and can't get anyone to understand the feelings. Any suggestions on the above would be great. Thanks for listening Jennifer

[bellazmama]

Hello!

Welcome to the sometimes crazy world of domestic adoption! If you are working with an agency, they sould have some guidelines in preparing your profile. If not, maybe I can help.

1. Start collecting recent photos of yourself, you house, your pets, etc. Don't include anything over a couple of years old so that birth mothers will recognize you if you meet them.

2. Start writing birth mother letters. I would suggest you and your dh EACH write a letter expressing your desires and plans. Have a friend read them and give some feedback.

3. If you have to fill our questionnaires from the agency, also have a friend read those. Sometimes, your friends can be very insightful when you just can't seem to step back far enough to get a good view of your own family.

4. Express yourself! If you're into scrapbooking, do something very original. If not, don't sweat it! Just make your profile neat-looking and easy for the agency to handle, like something spiral-bound.

5. Don't try to second-guess a birth mother! Be yourself! Your birth family is out there. If you try to be something you're not, it will come out eventually. And, you may be exactly what a birth mother is looking for, no matter how odd you think you are! LOL

If you need more help, please feel free to e-mail me at bellazmama@yahoo.com

Good luck! Have fun!

Sarah

[sitka]

My suggestion is to have fun with this part of the process! It is the most creative area and a way to really let people know who you are. If you do not consider yourself artistic, that is alright!!! When we adopted our sweet daughter, we had an art teacher friend watercolor a picture for us to mount our Dear Birthmother letter onto. We, of course, gave her credit for the work(didn't want to appear to be something we are not); however, we felt it was one clever way to present something about us. There is something to be said about knowing how to "advertise" (so to speak) yourself. Just doing something small that might distinguish your profile from others could make the difference in getting chosen.

Another thing I've done is look on-line to some of the profiles and Dear Birthmother letters that exist. This was esspecially helpful when we were resubmitting our album for our second adoption as I needed ways to include info. on our current family status. I would just look for profiles similar to ours and jot down any ideas about how they approached presenting themselves. By the time I sat down to rework these thoughts and write our new version of the letter, it was a fresh update that was original in everyway possible.

Now, my question is to anyone out there who has ever added info. to an existing album. There haven't been any significant changes in our family except that our little girl is growing (was only 2, now 3 1/2) and changing so much since we resubmitted our album. Our agency suggested adding some updated photos. Anyone ever done this to where it flows nicely with the existing album?

Sorry didn't mean to take away from the original question. Hope these suggestions help! Good luck and remember to have fun!!!

[ellia3]

Hi as a new adoptive mom, we brought our sweet baby girl home on March 10, 2003. My advice is pray to God let Him lead you and guide you even in creating your family profile and dear birthmother letter. Creating our album was sooo much fun for me and my husband and all sooo pleasant, which is always the case when God is guiding you. When I met our birthmother, I asked her why did she choose us? Her first words were because you are a christian family, WOW! I thought ( ain't God good- she chose us because we love Jesus Christ ). She said secondly, I chose you because your husband reminds of my dad, she said my dad has been in the military and love to get down on the floor and play video games with me and my sister just as you said your husband likes to do. Third, she said with tears in her eyes ( she broke down and cried) she said I chose you also because you are going to be a stay at home mom, I have to give my daughter up and I didn't want to place her in a home where the mother would have to leave her again. The point I'm trying to make is, creativity with your family profile is fine, but that will not be the reason a birthparent will chose you . You will be chosen because that will be the child, God has chosen for your family, and he will assure the birthparent, you are the family to raise their child. You and the birthparent will know instantly because God will give you both an unsurpassing peace. God bless, and may God bring your baby home to you.

[Bjennifer]

thanks for all the suggestions, well we completed the homestudy and now we really have to decide on an agency to use for the adoption. I know we really should have decided on this first, but I only had gotten information on agencies in NC and to be honest, there is not one that really sticks out to us. The agencies so far are very religious and somewhat strict to the fact that they want you to be an antive member of a church. My dh and I feel that we do not have to attend church to be good parents.

The homestudy agency we used recommended 4 agencies to us: 2 in Kansas, 1 in Utah and the other in Fl. I am waiting on the information and then go from there.

Thanks again for all the help.

Jennifer

[Support2Adopt]

Very good advice at looking at profiles and letters that others have online. This will give you a general idea on how to write a letter. Basically, you want to talk about yourselves. Describe things such as your home, your area, hobbies and interests, work, etc. Be sure to include lots of pictures showing different things you enjoy doing and be descriptive in your writing. When a potential Birthmother reads one of these letters, she tries to envision what life would be like for the baby she is considering placing.
JJ

[Brat]

Totally off topic: You started this thread on 6/26. How did you get your homestudy completed in a week!?! Out in California, the results of fingerprinting take several weeks alone! You people certainly move fast out there in North Carolina.

[Bjennifer]

the homestudy usually takes 6-8 weeks, but I found an agency, fully licensed-Nathanson and they offered the homestudy to be done in 2 weeks for a few dollars more. The original homestudy was like 1300 and for the expedited we paid 1600. We figured for the little bit extra money involved, we could at least have this part done and one less thing to stress about. The social worker was great. She actually went through all of this a year ago so she made us feel at ease and took time to answer any questions.

Since you are out in Ca, are there any reputible agencies out there to use. I have looked into the ones in NC, but they do not interest us at all. I have been looking at other agencies out of state. I hate the whole Interstate Compact, but at this point, we feel that an agency out of NC will be better suited for us.

Jennifer

[Brat]

Hello, Jennifer,

I reiterate: you are so fortunate to get your homestudy completed so quickly. Even 6-8 weeks sounds good, as most agencies we've encountered quote 3-6 mos. Lucky gal!

Your thread was also of interest because, like you, I would really like to get the homestudy out of the way first because we are having a difficult time deciding on an agency. Further clouding the issue out here in California is that facilitators are legal, so if you really prefer an agency for your first baby--we would!--you have to make sure you read the fine print.

As far as California agencies, the best one I have heard about is Bethany Christian Services. This is strictly, "heard it through the grapevine" though, as we haven't adopted before. The problem is that when I inquired, they said they had a year wait list. We are also looking into out-of-state agencies as well, despite sharing with you a reluctance to deal with the whole interstate compact thing (I hear ya!). Our special issue is that we would like adopt a biracial child, and some agencies out of our state have special programs for AA infants. Some facilitators do in our state--Lifetime and Pact come to mind--but again, we'd like to work within the comfort zone of an agency for our first foray.

I have heard that Plan Loving Adoptions in Oregon is a good agency, and we're checking them out.

Please let us know what you find out as you investigate agencies!

Brat

[Support2Adopt]

[quote]Originally posted by Brat
[b]Totally off topic: You started this thread on 6/26. How did you get your homestudy completed in a week!?! Out in California, the results of fingerprinting take several weeks alone!

That would all depend on what kind of fingerprinting you have done. There is a way to have the check run immediately. It costs more, but then you don't have to wait.
JJ