[tantonel]

Hi I'm new around here and am interested in learning more about adoption. I have many questions, but one is why people decide to adopt. I know that many do because of infertility or medical reasons, but I'm interested in how others were led to adoption. I don't know if I'm weird or not, but I've always viewed adoption as a total equal to having your own biological child, even if you are able to have bio children. I am young, healthy, and don't know of any fertility issues, and still think that adoption is the way to go.
I'm nowhere near embarking on either option, I just wanted to learn about your experiences.
Thanks.

[ll_bay]

For us adoption was equal to and even preferable to having children biologically. Don't know why; can't explain it, but since I was in high school, I've wanted to adopt a child from overseas, period. So now I have a husband who feels the same and we have two lovely girls from India and are talking about adding a boy. We aren't infertile, or at least don't know if we are or not, never tried and never asked. I guess we just felt like we wanted children, and there were children already out there who wanted parents, so it would be a perfect match, and so far it is. Is it perfect? No- but having a child biologically will lead to rough moments too. The rewards for parenting FAR outweigh the hard parts.

[soniya]

blue Hi, I am a current foster mom. I have had kids in my home for about 4 yrs. or so. I decided to adopt this little girl due to the fact that she keeps on re-entering into the system. The state call the previous foster-mom to pick up the child. My family and I decided this can not go on anymore. This child in question is only 4 yrs. old. We are very happy and starting the process now.

Good luck,

Soniya

[bellazmama]

Hi!

I was raised around many families that had adopted, so it was not an unusual choice for me as it was a comfortable option. I became a diabetic at age 12 and always knew that adoption would probably be the way I would have a family.

Sarah

[mckenna]

i became a foster mom to foster only (ha ha) then my son came into my life and when he became available for adoption, i knew we were meant to be a family. now his 1/2 sister has come to live with us and if the same situation presents itself, i will mostly adopter her as well. i think i will probably be done after that as i am a single mom. adoption is great and so are my kids!

[ladyjubilee]

I've always wanted to adopt. The way I look at it, there are too many children waiting out there to go any other route.

[trunks888]

I feel about the same way as ladyjubilee.

[ll_bay]

what the past couple posters have mentioned was part of our motivation as well.
if you feel led to inter-country adoption, or any other form of adoption for that matter, then you should go for it! These kids need us!

[gennifer]

I certainly think your perspective is honorable. However; you must understand that someone in my position, after 6 years of dealing with infertility finds this distressing. You are able to have your own baby (as far as you know). If you adopt, you could be taking a child away from someone who longs for it and is unable. I hope you don't find this offensive because it's not meant to be. It's simply heartfelt.

[Judilyn]

My husband and I also were just looking to foster children but then we fell in love with a very precious little girl. When she became available for adoption we made her part of our family.

[ll_bay]

to gennifer, and all

I am not at all offended, and I am very sorry to hear of your struggles with infertility, but I do think your perspective isn't entirely fair to us "preferential" adopters. There are about 30 children in the home our daughters came from. Some of them have been there for YEARS. No one else on our waiting list, including infertile couples, wanted the children we adopted (they were offered to others first). Our daughters were there for over a year before we traveled to get them. At some point, probably as teenagers, they, like many in their situation, would have been sent back out to make their way in the world, most likely working in sweat shops or as prostitutes. No offense, but given those circumstances, I HIGHLY doubt we "took somebody else's baby away." There are thousands, probably millions of children in the US and abroad who are in need of homes, and not enough people to adopt them all. I'm not saying that people should "rescue" children, because that is not a fair way to bring a child into your family (how could a child repay a debt like that?). But why not adopt the children already born instead of contributing even more to the overpopulation? We don't judge those who want biological children, so why should you judge us?

[bellazmama]

The points of view could be switched around and those of you who endured thousands and thousands of dollars' worth of infertility treatments could be seen as thinking adoption as second best, since you chose to spend that much time, energy, and money on trying to have a biological child only to "have to" adopt.

Therefore, don't DARE to judge "preferential" adopters!!!

We adopted because I'm a diabetic and we decided that it would be safer for me and our potential child if I didn't try pregnancy.

Sarah

[donna v]

gennifer,
my answer would be because even though i can conceive, it is too risky to my health. i agree with the others - there are hundreds of kids waiting, but its not just a issue of getting that healthy child. special need kids need a home too and there are plenty available - get one.
donna

[angelical]

My answer is the same as Donna's.

I developed severe preeclampsia with my bio son. He had to be born 3 months early, and we both almost died.

So, while I could conceive again, I choose not to.

Instead, we are going to adopt a waiting child.


Sharel

[Shoshana]

"after 6 years of dealing with infertility finds this distressing. You are able to have your own baby (as far as you know). If you adopt, you could be taking a child away from someone who longs for it and is unable. "

this is really hard for me to, um, hear? understand? accept?

It occurs to me that you are every bit as ABLE to have a child as me. It's the choices we've made that are different.

I also think your point could be turned around and *someone* could say that instead of spending a fortune on fertility treatments, you could have given a child a home. I would NEVER say that to someone -- because it is not my place to judge another person's needs and choices.

I've never been pregnant, tho' I assume I am able to become pregnant. I realized that I had a choice -- spend X amount of dollars on fertility assistance, with low odds (I just turned 44 ), or I could spend X amount of dollars and adopt. I couldn't afford to do both. Since I knew that I wouldn't love a child born to me any more or any differently than a child I adopted, I opted for the safer of my two options.

I have a number of strikes against me for adoption -- my age, I'm single, I'm Jewish. And, I want a baby. I've ALWAYS wanted a baby. So that lead me to Guatemala.

I've never once been 'jealous' of people who are married, conceive, and have lots of kids. I've never once been 'jealous' of people who spend lots of money and heartache on fertility treatments. I've never once been 'jealous' of others who adopt domestically, or internationally. Why? Because it has NO bearing on ME. The child I will adopt will be the child meant for ME.

You know, I've heard people say that singles, or men, or older people, or gays and lesbians shouldn't adopt, I've heard of agencies who will ONLY allow a child to be adopted to a Christian, some even to an evangelical Christian. HOW does this benefit the children who are in orphanages? Or who would be in orphanages if they weren't adopted as infants?

This adoption process is a lot of work. It's expensive, it's stressful, and it's not a sure bet. It's not physically challenging like fertility treatments, but when your heart is committed, it's still very emotionally challenging.

If there were ONE loving parent for every child in this world who needed a family, then perhaps we would be close to achieving heaven on earth.

I'm really sorry if this post is harsh. I was just stunned by your statement.